(no subject)
O lord this pain, This pain O lord. Can I stand it? Can I keep this pain, this protective jealousy, can I keep it from becoming anger or hate? I don't want hate because any rage or hate would be holey unjust and unprovoked. Hate would be utterly wrong. But lord there is so much pain and sorrow. I don't pity myself nor do I regret my original decision. But I do regret my immature Big headed attempts at arrogant Bravura that followed
I want my love God. But I don't want it at the cost of one or the other. O God, but this pain, such pain such agony I did not know I could feel or stand such as this. This torturing uncertainty. Twisting and turning in my chest stabbing from different angles each and every second. threatening to break free from my bosom and create chaotic destructive raging hate.
My err went so much deeper than I could possibly predicted. The need to stop where I was was real. for I was not the person I should have been. But I feel even in regaining the high ground of white being it may not be enough. It may have occurred to late.
AI-YA! My lord what am I to do with this pain. O Lord help me in my Agony!
I want my love God. But I don't want it at the cost of one or the other. O God, but this pain, such pain such agony I did not know I could feel or stand such as this. This torturing uncertainty. Twisting and turning in my chest stabbing from different angles each and every second. threatening to break free from my bosom and create chaotic destructive raging hate.
My err went so much deeper than I could possibly predicted. The need to stop where I was was real. for I was not the person I should have been. But I feel even in regaining the high ground of white being it may not be enough. It may have occurred to late.
AI-YA! My lord what am I to do with this pain. O Lord help me in my Agony!