fuck off

[mac_and_cheese]

it's funny how someone you thought cared about you can take your heaven and turn it into hell. why do people insist on being such assholes all the fucking time? for instance, i have this 'friend', who's getting pissy with me, and probably everyone else because of one jackass. and honestly, it kind of makes you second guess whether you were friends

Comments

[derisive_bias]

You know you're right Colleen, Jillian's right, you don't need me to tell you that. You do deserve better. I'm a jerk. But YOU are a great person. I'm the one that's not. And it wasn't just you that I was all pissy at. There's a total of probably three that I didn't piss off at some point this weekend. And again, you're right. You didn't and don't deserve to be treated like that. I don't know that there's anything else I can say but, I'm sorry. And I don't know it that means much to you anymore.

[mac_and_cheese]

rasp, you are not a 'jerk' ok? no ones perfect. and it wasn't that you pissed me off, you HURT me, made me feel worthless, as though our friendship meant nothing to you. how was i supposed to feel? and everything always matters, but sometimes instead of lashing out at people for things they don't understand maybe you should let them in, and let them know what's going on.

[derisive_bias]

Not okay, I AM a jerk, I'm a bitch, I know it. I had no intentions of hurting you in any way, or making you feel worthless, and it, and you, mean a whole lot more than nothing to me. I just don't let people in, or let them know whats going on. I try to avoid any kind of serious discussion at all costs. Which is probably why you said you felt blind sided. You're always happy or try to be happy when you talk to me, and most other people. You just keep it inside you to make everyone else happy, and try to convince yourself you're happy. I can't do that. When I'm sad, or mad, or depressed, or anything but happy, people are going to get yelled at for no reason. I would really stop if I could. But when I'm mad..I don't think about anything but being mad. And if I ever do let someone in, or let them know what's going on, they're going to try to counsel me. And I don't want other people breaking down every single thing that's wrong with me. When something's wrong, I'll get it handled eventually. It's going to make me even more mad when they

[mac_and_cheese]

fine rasp... tell yourself whatever you want. but don't tell me what i think you are, being that it's my mind, maybe you should leave that up to me. and i know you don't want me to counsel you, i wasn't trying to. but avoiding something doesn't make it go away, yes, it's hidden, but it's still there. festering..growing..until it becomes unbearable. and you said that i pretend to be happy, happiness is a choice rasp. you choose how you feel, how you let things affect you. i chose to let you close enough to hurt me, maybe it was a mistake, but regretting things does't make anything better. plus, i happen to think you're a good friend. and you're right, when you're angry you let people know, yet you deny them any access as to what is wrong with you. that is just another way of "pretending" the problem doesn't exist.which in a sense is exactly what you seem to think i do.

[derisive_bias]

Right..I'm a hypocrit too. I'd like to know what it is that you think of me exactly. I can't be held up to high standards for sure. I do pretend the problem doesn't exist because it makes everything seem so much easier. Sometime feelings aren't a choice though. I would choose to be happy forever if I could. I'm not strong enough to overcome my fears, or depressions and just be happy. I have a bad temper..stupid little things piss me off to no extent. Don't say it was a mistake, you made no mistakes. And even if I am a good friend, you deserve better than 'good' friends. You deserve great friends, you deserve something I can't give you.

[mac_and_cheese]

why are you so willing to give up? that just doesn't make sense. and i never claimed you were a hypocrit, simply that you'd made a hypocritical statement. and rasp, what the hell is going on? so because you and i are having a tift, our friends are going to be divided? whatever. just do me a favor and let me know which of YOUR friends i'm actually still aloud to talk to, or hey.. maybe i just shouldn't at all. tell charlie not to worry, he's on ignore as well as most of the people on my list, because honestly? i just don't give a damn right now. and the fact that you're so willing to just pretend we were never friends makes me doubt whether you thought we were to begin with. there was a quote that i read somewhere which said, "If two people are ever truly friends, then the friendship never ends," or something along those lines. do me a favor, and don't tell me what i do and do not need. if you want to be depressed fine, if you want to treat others so cruely then do it, why should i care? no, screw that. i do care. the question is,

[derisive_bias]

First of all, what are you talking about, our friends being divided? You can talk to whoever you please. And I don't know where you got the idea that I'm so willing to pretend we were never friends. I just happen to think you're not going to forgive me anytime soon, seeing that all you're doing is bitching me out back. And fine, you decide what you need and don't need. I'll never try to help again. Why would I want to be depressed? Or treat others badly? Those aren't things I want to do, those are just things that happen. I realize I can keep myself from treating others badly, but I don't think before I say something.

You should know by now that I care. I only argue when it's something I care about.

[mac_and_cheese]

i had ALREADY "forgiven" you! which is why i don't understand what all of this is about. and when i said the comment abou what i do and don't need, i was refering to you saying that i don't "need you as a friend", although i can't remember your exact words.

[derisive_bias]

I don't seem to remember this forgiving of me apparently. I remember me being a bitch..and you being hurt. And that's about it. But I happen to think that now we're just arguing about nothing..Bleh, I'll probably talk to you tonight. <3

[mac_and_cheese]

i'm grounded from the computer! haha... and they told me AFTER i mowed the backyard :P.
how can you argue about something that doesn't actually exist anyway?

[derisive_bias]

Oh, it happens. Like all the arguments about God, for example.

[mac_and_cheese]

well, that's a comment that's debatable. because it would depend on ones opinion as to whether god exists or not.

[derisive_bias]

That was the whole point there, hon.

[mac_and_cheese]

eh... we're doing finals... give me a break.

ps. no one seems to care that i'm leaving... oh yay.