Snaary-a-thon Fic
Author: mabonwitch
Other pairings/threesome: Implied Luna/Dean/Neville
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 3500
Warning(s): Crack! Mpreg, many secondary pairings that don't work out, stupidity both blatant and subtle, ignorance/ignore-ance of trans and queer issues, threesome, bottom!Snape, blowjobs, and unlikely recovery times
Prompt: Speed Dating, Wizard Style
Summary: Speed dates come in exactly two varieties: those that are too long 30 seconds in, and those that get interrupted just as things are getting interesting.
A/N: Grateful thanks to our lovely mod, accioslash who allowed an extension, and to my beta, slashpine, whose enthusiasm over my story tickled me pink. For those who are unfamiliar, "speed dating" is when a group of single people gather in one room and rotate through a series of mini-dates of 5-10 minutes.
Round One
Dean
"Wizard speed dating gathers interested parties together for two rounds of short introductions. It has several advantages over its Muggle counterpart…" Brochure for Speed Dating
Harry stared as Dean sat down across from him. "I didn't know you were, er," --Harry remembered Luna--, "bisexual?"
Dean looked sheepish, and also slightly uncomfortable. "Luna thinks I should be expanding my boundaries."
"Aren't you-?"
Dean blushed. "Yes. I suppose I should say she thinks we should be expanding our boundaries. If you take my meaning."
Harry did. Though he sort of wished he hadn't.
Ron
"…Firstly, a smaller population guarantees that many participants will already be known to each other." -Dating in the Wizarding World, "Witch Weekly #1 Bestseller of 2009"
Dean was a surprise, but there was just no way. No way.
Ron looked painfully red, and Harry thought he was probably matching him for colour. Still, there was absolutely no fucking way he missed his best friend being gay, and also no way that Hermione wanted to expand their relationship the way Luna and Dean were trying for.
"Hermione had this idea. Er."
Harry had a brief flash of panic. If there was any way- and there wasn't, he knew- that Hermione and Ron were into threesomes, he did not want to know.
"She says, um, gay people are a minority and we should try to be more sensitive to their oppression." Ron nodded as he spoke, clearly proud to have recited all that. Harry wondered how many times Hermione had said it for it to have stuck in Ron's brain. Ron did not memorize things easily.
Although relieved he was not about to be privy to his friend's sex life, he couldn't really see what speed dating had to do with oppression. But then, Ron probably couldn't either, so he decided to leave it and determinedly engaged Ron in a five minute rant about the Ministry and poor management in Quidditch.
He carefully did not look at the compatibility ratings that have been glowing alongside them. There are some things best mates shouldn't know about each other.
Hermione
"Prejudices that exist amongst Muggles are muted or non-existent in our World, allowing for freer association." -Muggle-Wizard Prejudice in the 21st Century, A Primer
What the hell was Hermione was doing at an all-blokes speed-dating event? Typically, Harry didn't even have to ask. She pre-empted him before he'd even sat down properly.
"I wanted to experience what it's like for transgender people to fight to get recognition."
Harry blinked. He thought of his friend Christine, painfully shy as potions began to re-shape her body. He had learned, much to his disgust, that potions to casually assume the other sex were easily available, but those that created a permanent change were closely monitored. A Ministry sponsor was a requirement to even have access to them. Harry had been furious when he found out, his protective streak burning to simply make something happen.
He couldn't.
It had hurt to find out, after much effort, that being the Boy-Who-Lived couldn't secure his friends' potions or ensure sponsorship. It had hurt more that Terry and Jade, who had been the first to welcome him into the gay community, the first treat him kindly, instead of with awe, were stuck begging for scraps.
Hermione wasn't transgendered. And a stupid speed date wouldn't even touch on his friend's experience. Harry didn't try to explain that, though, because he couldn't speak over the lump in his throat. This was probably the most insensitive thing he had ever heard her say.
Despite long years of friendship, which he was sure would show in the embedded spells, he didn't like Hermione very much right now.
Neville
"Spells which were once used in determining potential brides in arranged marriages have been modified and up-dated for your convenience! A quick glance is all it takes to tell what you and your companion may have in common!" - Ad for Wizard Speed Dating event
"And now-" Neville gestured down at the bump, "And he just left me!"
Harry reached over and sympathetically patted Neville' hand. "That's awful, mate. I can't believe someone would do something like that!"
Neville gave him a watery smile. "Oh, these damn hormones. Being preggers is the pits, Harry."
Harry felt a surge of protective anger. What kind of arse left their pregnant partner? And Neville- Neville was kind! And sweet! And, and-
Softly, their table pinged. "Oh!"
"Er."
The table was only meant to do that when the compatibility of those seated reached a certain level. They both looked to the side, where a glowing display laid out the areas where they suited. Harry wasn't surprised to see that their values and personalities matched neatly- both, after all, had been Gryffindors. Nor was the similarity in experience unexpected, with the war only a few years past. Divergent interests seemed to be a weak point, but the section representing family was practically afire. Harry supposed the child Neville was carrying about covered that: they must both be feeling a strong urge to make a family. The most unexpected bit, though, was their sexual compatibility. Here, too, a steady glow represented high compatibility.
They turned back to each other, blushing, just as the lead witch called, "Switch!"
Draco
"A variety of colours indicates different areas of connexion, while their brightness shows the degree of connexion in a given area. Of course, to protect your privacy, we place dates based on overall compatibility." -Speech given at the start of the Speed Dating event
He was horrified to find himself sitting across from Malfoy, that self-absorbed git, and he never would have looked at the display if it hadn't been for him. Malfoy looked at their "highly compatible" sexual rating and leered. Harry sat back, crossed his arms, and scowled.
Snape
"We believe your matches will please you, so please give due consideration to every person you meet." -Speech to start Wizard Speed Dating
Harry couldn't get away from Malfoy fast enough. He all but flung himself into the chair at his next date. It was only when the table immediately emitted a 'ping' that he looked up to find himself seated across from Severus Snape.
Snape had one eyebrow nearly to his hairline and was looking at what appeared to be a brightly glowing rainbow. Harry would never have thought they had so much in common. Especially "Interests?"
Snape looked thoughtful. "Staying alive?" he posited.
Harry smiled tentatively. "Definitely an interest we share."
"I assume you have not developed a sudden interest in Potions."
Harry's smile grew firmer. "Well, I appreciate their usefulness a lot more these days, but I'm relieved to leave the brewing to someone else."
"I assure you, Po- Harry, the rest of the world is relieved you have left the brewing 'up to someone else', too".
Harry chuckled. This was surprisingly nice, bantering with Snape on equal footing. He felt more relaxed than he had all evening, the muscles in his shoulders loosening as he lounged back in his seat. Snape looked relaxed, too, his smirk somehow almost a smile. He was tracing a pattern on the table with one long hand. Mm, Snape had really long fingers, didn't he?
"Perhaps we have other interests in common, too." Harry hadn't meant that to sound quite so flirty, and he could feel himself flush.
Snape darted a quick look at their display. "So it would seem."
And, wow, Snape sounded almost breathless. Now he was definitely picturing Snape, um, something. Maybe he should-?
"Switch!"
Damn.
Round II
Draco
"Our second round places you on slightly longer dates with those you matched best with in the first round." -Brochure for Wizard Speed Dating
Draco looked terribly anxious sitting across from him. Severus knew that during his school years, the boy had harboured a crush and suspected that the favoritism necessitated by his position as a spy had fanned it. Severus was doing his utmost now to reverse the damage.
And, really, no other word but 'damage' could be used to describe the interest the self-absorbed little prat had taken in him.
It was clear in Draco's darting glances that their ridiculously low sexual compatibility had him worried. Severus could have told him what it portended, were he likely to share such personal information with someone who could not work such a thing out on their own. Even were he the consummate top Draco had clearly taken him for, he would hardly share a bed with the boy. He had seen the way Draco leered at Potter, and had heard quite enough during their time among the Death Eaters to know Draco assumed sex trumped every other consideration.
"…and I though the use of manticore poison was quite interesting, didn't you? Severus?"
He blinked. Good Merlin, that was the precise tone Draco used in class when he wanted his teacher's approval. Did the boy even realise he was doing that? "I suppose, but personally I was more interested on the article of new uses of unicorn dung."
"Oh, yes…"
And with only those few words, Draco took off again, eagerly monologuing for the rest of their 'date'.
Severus was quite relieved when it was over.
Blaise
"Perhaps you will find yourself connecting in new ways with someone you already know." -Brochure for Wizard Speed Dating
Blaise tilted his head down, thick lashes fanned. He even appeared to be blushing faintly. "I'm pleased to speak with you again, Professor."
It was an attractive display of restraint and respect. Severus wished he could decide if it were genuine. He supposed that was one of the charms of Slytherins. "You may call me Severus, Blaise. I am hardly your professor here."
"Thank you, sir."
Oh, dear. Just the faintest hint of a smirk there, a suggestion that his role had rather been what Blaise had in mind. That was…off-putting. Far too many detentions in his life to want to play at them after-hours.
Blaise must have read some of this in his expression, because he changed directions entirely with his next words. "I was wondering, Severus, if I might solicit your opinion? This Houses Equality Act that Potter is backing- is it likely to cause problems with sponsorship? I had just got Flint to apprentice me for the exchequer's post, and I'd rather not have to apply through normal channels. I know there have been some concerns over hiring Slytherins, but really most of us are so well-blended by now…"
Severus cocked his head. "As it happens, Barr and Franklin were discussing it just the other day. There's been some talk of the sponsorship system being out-dated, but that seems to happen every 30 years or so. There's the usual collection of families calling it a time-honoured tradition, but they aren't as loud as before, given recent events."
Blaise nodded pleasantly. "I'm not against some sort of equal hiring practice, but Potter really seems to think that it will benefit Slytherins the most. Trading favours has always been more our style. Have you heard anything to indicate that there are a substantial number unable to get the posts they want?"
Gossip did tend to filter along familiar lines, and many little snakes had run to their former Head with news. It was one of the many reasons he had kept such long office hours as a professor, cultivating habits for the future. He considered. "Draco, of course. Parkinson. The Nott family has immigrated to Germany. No one unexpected, and even those who were favored under Voldemort's reign seem to have held onto jobs they prefer. No serious trouble, even with the year after yours."
Blaise looked thoughtful. "Hm. Sponsorship shouldn't directly interfere…" He trailed off, dark eyes sharp. "Technically, since sponsorship is only passed amongst Slytherins, there should be plenty of room for the other Houses to be hired equally."
Severus nodded in agreement. "The exchequer's post? You wouldn't, perhaps, be in need of some untraceable Anti-Fraud potion?"
Blaise went charmingly blank.
"Hmmm." Severus smirked.
"Switch!"
Severus twitched.
Blaise rose to his feet, smoothing his hands down his robe. "Well. A pleasure, Severus."
Indeed.
Harry
"Each round brings you closer to a desired match." -Brochure for Wizard Speed Dating
He was unsurprised to see Harry opposite him once again. His compatibility with others certainly had not come close to matching Potter's. Severus wondered at the unusual flash of resentment he felt when he considered whether Potter had found another match. "Enjoying yourself?"
Harry looked surprised. "Er. I suppose so? It's been sort of an odd cross between catching up with the blokes and-" Harry cut himself off, blushing.
"I had a Ravenclaw in the first round," he found himself volunteering. That blush was distracting.
"Oh! Um, all Gryffindors and Slytherins for me. Which is odd, now I think about it. D'you suppose there are more gay blokes in some Houses than others?"
Severus smirked. "Slytherin."
Harry raised an eyebrow. When had the brat managed to learn that?
"There are some traits that the Founders valued that the Hat does not sing about."
Harry choked. "Are you kidding me? Slytherin wants- I mean, he- Are you saying the Salazar Slytherin encouraged the Hat to sort ambitious, cunning, and gay children into his House?"
"Precisely," Severus agreed. "There is some disagreement as to whether he was homosexual himself, or thought that children would distract from other ambitions."
"But, well, purebloods? All that stuff about family and not breeding with those beneath their station?"
Severus simply smiled wryly. "Why do you think there are so many single-heir families?"
Harry sat back with a rather stunned look. "Oh."
There was a small, awkward silence where they both searched for something new to say.
"Did you know Neville is pregnant?"
Severus restrained himself to a twitch. "I had heard. I had a word with Smith when he left."
Harry grinned. "Did you? Protecting Gryffindor's honor now, are you?"
Severus sniffed. "Hardly. I merely reminded him that leaving a war hero pregnant without support might be bad for his political career. Should some unscrupulous person make certain facts known to a Wizarding publication." And he had quite treasured the look on the supercilious little Hufflepuff's face, too.
Harry was outright laughing now. "Oh, is that why Neville is suddenly getting anonymous deposits in his Gringotts vault?"
Snape contrived to look innocent. "Is he?"
"Yeah. Still, I hope he'll be all right." They both scanned the room instinctively, finding Neville at a table with Dean Thomas. The pair looked quite friendly.
After a considering pause, Severus said, "Isn't Dean already paired with Luna?"
Harry was blushing again. "Er."
Severus smirked. "I see." And he did. Enjoying the unnerved look on Harry's face, he teased, "Having difficulty imagining me privy to sexual arrangements?"
Harry's gaze wandered from his face down to his hands. "No," he said huskily.
The attraction that had been niggling at the back of his head for the last several minutes leapt to the fore. He lowered his voice purposefully. "No?"
Harry leaned closer. "No. I don't have any problem imagining you being privy to sexual…arrangements."
Heat was pooling between them, an almost heady rush. Severus licked his lips unconsciously. Harry's hand came to rest on his, stroking gently, and he issued an invitation before he was quite sure of what he was doing. "Shall we take this somewhere more private for round three?"
Round III
"Ultimately, what you make of a relationship is up to you. Good luck!" -brochure for Wizard Speed Dating
Harry had meant to talk more, or at least say something suave, but he couldn't. Snape's tongue was in his mouth. It was wonderfully distracting. Absently, he tucked his wand back into his sleeve and reached forward, letting his hand rest on Snape's waist. The material was soft under his fingers, and Harry swayed into the magnetic heat of Snape's body.
They broke apart, panting lightly. Harry caught Snape's eyes, which were glittering with approval. Merlin, Snape hadn't looked at him like that since he'd killed Voldemort. A little bubble of warmth started in his stomach. He grinned and leaned forward to resume their kiss. Snape tasted like spices, somehow, and Harry could easily spend hours kissing, even if he had to strain up to do it. He took a shuffling, half-step closer and ran right into Snape. They both gasped, breaking off the kiss again. Snape dipped his head to nibble at Harry's ear, one hand sliding coaxingly into his hair. Harry needed no urging to let Snape do as he pleased, letting out a pleased murmur as his head lolled back.
It was only when Snape bit, and Harry squeaked, that they shifted at all. Snape had one eyebrow arched. "I think," he said, "that I will quite enjoy finding out precisely what that sound means." Harry smiled sheepishly. "Meanwhile…"
In moments, their robes were off, revealing the casual denims and shirt Harry had chosen earlier that evening. Snape- Snape looked stunning. Somehow, the wide neck and silky sheen of his top softened the black of it, making his skin look like moonlight instead of sour milk. The sleeves billowed, then gathered at the cuffs, where ruby cufflinks fastened them together. He was wearing black breeches with piping to match the cufflinks down the sides, of some touchable material that Harry didn't recognise. And he definitely wanted to touch, especially that tempting bulge at Snape's waist. He made himself reach for the cufflinks instead, wanting more of Snape's skin.
Snape stiffened. "I-"
Harry blinked. What? Why would- oh. He carefully unfastened the cufflinks and tucked them into Snape's trousers. Protective and tender, he let Snape's sleeves fall back. Smiling gently, Harry reached into Snape's left sleeve and wrapped his fingers over the spot where the mark would be. He didn't try to say anything, just let Snape look searchingly at him.
The wariness dropped from Snape's shoulders and he leaned forward. When Snape kissed him this time, it was gentle. Heart pounding, Harry traced his free hand up Snape's torso, molding his muscles through the silk. He stroked a thumb over Snape's nipple and felt the man jump, before biting Harry's lip in retaliation. Harry moaned and pressed himself against Snape, thrilling to the feeling of a hard body touching his. The mood shifted again as they kissed furiously, hands wandering.
Harry squirmed, his growing erection pressed firmly into Snape's hip. Snape had tugged Harry's shirt off, and half the buttons on Snape's were open. It made for delightful access. Harry thought his head would come off at the way Snape had groaned when he sucked his nipples, the coppery tang and soft hairs perfect against his tongue. It made his throat ache for cock, vulnerable softness and hardness. He pulled back and hastily opened Snape's remaining buttons, easing breeches and pants down together as he pushed Snape gently against the wall. He sank to his knees and opened his mouth over Snape's cock, breathing in deeply with satisfaction.
"Ah," Snape gasped. "What- oh."
Harry could hear Snape panting over the blood roaring in his ears, but only just. He lapped delicately at the head, and slid his mouth down. He bobbed up and down several times before he was satisfied that he was taking Snape as deep as he could, then brought his hands into play. One hand wrapped firmly around the base of Snape's cock and the other urged Snape's legs wider. Everything he did was met with moans and half-articulated cursing as Snape scrabbled against the wall. Harry dragged his tongue heavily up the thick vein on the underside of Snape's cock, relishing the spurts of pre-come and the way the other man was rocking his hips: urgent jerks, as though he couldn't help himself. He felt drunk on Snape, on the thick, bitter taste of him, the full length of cock in his mouth, the power of taking him like this. Harry reached behind Snape's balls and slid a finger over his arsehole. When Snape raised no objection, Harry wet a finger and slid it in. Above him, Snape went suddenly silent, swelled in his mouth, and came. Harry swallowed the bitter emission hungrily, feeling triumphant.
He slid off and stood carefully. Snape cracked an eye open. "You're trying to kill me."
Harry frowned. "What," he asked innocently.
Snape glanced purposefully down, to where Harry still had a finger buried in his arse.
"Oh, that." Harry smiled and wiggled the finger. Snape drew in a sharp breath.
"Did you want something, Mr. Potter?"
Harry was sure his smile looked more wicked than sweet. "Did you?"
Snape gave him a considering look. He wriggled his fingers again. "Perhaps," Snape conceded breathlessly, "but not here."
Regretfully, Harry withdrew his finger. He escorted them to his bedroom. Snape kicked off his clothes before turning to Harry. He palmed Harry's crotch through the denim. "My sexual tastes do not make me submissive, Harry."
"Gah." Harry rubbed into the firm pressure. "Fuck. Right. Got it." Snape rewarded him by undoing his trousers and wrapping a hand around his cock. Harry panted, driving his fingernails into his palms to stave of orgasm. "I want to fuck you."
Snape released him. "Yes."
They crawled onto the bed, Snape propping his head on his arms and raising his arse up. Harry snagged lubricant from his bed side table. In tense silence, Harry worked fingers into Snape's arse. Smooth slickness stretched easily around his fingers. He had a hungry flash of imagining Snape doing this at home, sliding a toy in and fucking himself. Harry checked in a low, hoarse voice that Snape was ready and paused awhile longer to play with his prostate. Only when Snape was bucking back to meet him did he slide in, the pressure almost too much. He wasn't sure who set the pace, but they were moving together, fast and sure, sweat and straining muscles. Harry gripped Snape's hips and stared at his cock disappearing into Snape, thrusting wildly, until sparks went off in his vision and he threw his head back and roared. His vision cleared just in time to see Snape's hand working furiously under him, and then Snape tensed and came again, too, spattering the sheets.
They fell to the bed in a flurry of cleaning charms and tangled limbs. As they cooled, Harry felt hope and worry fight a brief battle in him. "I brew a mean tea," he said casually.
Snape snorted beside him and snagged a blanket. "I'll cook breakfast, Harry."
Harry grinned at the ceiling as Snape started to snore. He supposed this meant he should start calling the man Severus.
-The End-
Reveals are up, so here is my lovely snarry-a-thon story!
Other pairings/threesome: Implied Luna/Dean/Neville
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 3500
Warning(s): Crack! Mpreg, many secondary pairings that don't work out, stupidity both blatant and subtle, ignorance/ignore-ance of trans and queer issues, threesome, bottom!Snape, blowjobs, and unlikely recovery times
Prompt: Speed Dating, Wizard Style
Summary: Speed dates come in exactly two varieties: those that are too long 30 seconds in, and those that get interrupted just as things are getting interesting.
A/N: Grateful thanks to our lovely mod, accioslash who allowed an extension, and to my beta, slashpine, whose enthusiasm over my story tickled me pink. For those who are unfamiliar, "speed dating" is when a group of single people gather in one room and rotate through a series of mini-dates of 5-10 minutes.
Round One
Dean
"Wizard speed dating gathers interested parties together for two rounds of short introductions. It has several advantages over its Muggle counterpart…" Brochure for Speed Dating
Harry stared as Dean sat down across from him. "I didn't know you were, er," --Harry remembered Luna--, "bisexual?"
Dean looked sheepish, and also slightly uncomfortable. "Luna thinks I should be expanding my boundaries."
"Aren't you-?"
Dean blushed. "Yes. I suppose I should say she thinks we should be expanding our boundaries. If you take my meaning."
Harry did. Though he sort of wished he hadn't.
Ron
"…Firstly, a smaller population guarantees that many participants will already be known to each other." -Dating in the Wizarding World, "Witch Weekly #1 Bestseller of 2009"
Dean was a surprise, but there was just no way. No way.
Ron looked painfully red, and Harry thought he was probably matching him for colour. Still, there was absolutely no fucking way he missed his best friend being gay, and also no way that Hermione wanted to expand their relationship the way Luna and Dean were trying for.
"Hermione had this idea. Er."
Harry had a brief flash of panic. If there was any way- and there wasn't, he knew- that Hermione and Ron were into threesomes, he did not want to know.
"She says, um, gay people are a minority and we should try to be more sensitive to their oppression." Ron nodded as he spoke, clearly proud to have recited all that. Harry wondered how many times Hermione had said it for it to have stuck in Ron's brain. Ron did not memorize things easily.
Although relieved he was not about to be privy to his friend's sex life, he couldn't really see what speed dating had to do with oppression. But then, Ron probably couldn't either, so he decided to leave it and determinedly engaged Ron in a five minute rant about the Ministry and poor management in Quidditch.
He carefully did not look at the compatibility ratings that have been glowing alongside them. There are some things best mates shouldn't know about each other.
Hermione
"Prejudices that exist amongst Muggles are muted or non-existent in our World, allowing for freer association." -Muggle-Wizard Prejudice in the 21st Century, A Primer
What the hell was Hermione was doing at an all-blokes speed-dating event? Typically, Harry didn't even have to ask. She pre-empted him before he'd even sat down properly.
"I wanted to experience what it's like for transgender people to fight to get recognition."
Harry blinked. He thought of his friend Christine, painfully shy as potions began to re-shape her body. He had learned, much to his disgust, that potions to casually assume the other sex were easily available, but those that created a permanent change were closely monitored. A Ministry sponsor was a requirement to even have access to them. Harry had been furious when he found out, his protective streak burning to simply make something happen.
He couldn't.
It had hurt to find out, after much effort, that being the Boy-Who-Lived couldn't secure his friends' potions or ensure sponsorship. It had hurt more that Terry and Jade, who had been the first to welcome him into the gay community, the first treat him kindly, instead of with awe, were stuck begging for scraps.
Hermione wasn't transgendered. And a stupid speed date wouldn't even touch on his friend's experience. Harry didn't try to explain that, though, because he couldn't speak over the lump in his throat. This was probably the most insensitive thing he had ever heard her say.
Despite long years of friendship, which he was sure would show in the embedded spells, he didn't like Hermione very much right now.
Neville
"Spells which were once used in determining potential brides in arranged marriages have been modified and up-dated for your convenience! A quick glance is all it takes to tell what you and your companion may have in common!" - Ad for Wizard Speed Dating event
"And now-" Neville gestured down at the bump, "And he just left me!"
Harry reached over and sympathetically patted Neville' hand. "That's awful, mate. I can't believe someone would do something like that!"
Neville gave him a watery smile. "Oh, these damn hormones. Being preggers is the pits, Harry."
Harry felt a surge of protective anger. What kind of arse left their pregnant partner? And Neville- Neville was kind! And sweet! And, and-
Softly, their table pinged. "Oh!"
"Er."
The table was only meant to do that when the compatibility of those seated reached a certain level. They both looked to the side, where a glowing display laid out the areas where they suited. Harry wasn't surprised to see that their values and personalities matched neatly- both, after all, had been Gryffindors. Nor was the similarity in experience unexpected, with the war only a few years past. Divergent interests seemed to be a weak point, but the section representing family was practically afire. Harry supposed the child Neville was carrying about covered that: they must both be feeling a strong urge to make a family. The most unexpected bit, though, was their sexual compatibility. Here, too, a steady glow represented high compatibility.
They turned back to each other, blushing, just as the lead witch called, "Switch!"
Draco
"A variety of colours indicates different areas of connexion, while their brightness shows the degree of connexion in a given area. Of course, to protect your privacy, we place dates based on overall compatibility." -Speech given at the start of the Speed Dating event
He was horrified to find himself sitting across from Malfoy, that self-absorbed git, and he never would have looked at the display if it hadn't been for him. Malfoy looked at their "highly compatible" sexual rating and leered. Harry sat back, crossed his arms, and scowled.
Snape
"We believe your matches will please you, so please give due consideration to every person you meet." -Speech to start Wizard Speed Dating
Harry couldn't get away from Malfoy fast enough. He all but flung himself into the chair at his next date. It was only when the table immediately emitted a 'ping' that he looked up to find himself seated across from Severus Snape.
Snape had one eyebrow nearly to his hairline and was looking at what appeared to be a brightly glowing rainbow. Harry would never have thought they had so much in common. Especially "Interests?"
Snape looked thoughtful. "Staying alive?" he posited.
Harry smiled tentatively. "Definitely an interest we share."
"I assume you have not developed a sudden interest in Potions."
Harry's smile grew firmer. "Well, I appreciate their usefulness a lot more these days, but I'm relieved to leave the brewing to someone else."
"I assure you, Po- Harry, the rest of the world is relieved you have left the brewing 'up to someone else', too".
Harry chuckled. This was surprisingly nice, bantering with Snape on equal footing. He felt more relaxed than he had all evening, the muscles in his shoulders loosening as he lounged back in his seat. Snape looked relaxed, too, his smirk somehow almost a smile. He was tracing a pattern on the table with one long hand. Mm, Snape had really long fingers, didn't he?
"Perhaps we have other interests in common, too." Harry hadn't meant that to sound quite so flirty, and he could feel himself flush.
Snape darted a quick look at their display. "So it would seem."
And, wow, Snape sounded almost breathless. Now he was definitely picturing Snape, um, something. Maybe he should-?
"Switch!"
Damn.
Round II
Draco
"Our second round places you on slightly longer dates with those you matched best with in the first round." -Brochure for Wizard Speed Dating
Draco looked terribly anxious sitting across from him. Severus knew that during his school years, the boy had harboured a crush and suspected that the favoritism necessitated by his position as a spy had fanned it. Severus was doing his utmost now to reverse the damage.
And, really, no other word but 'damage' could be used to describe the interest the self-absorbed little prat had taken in him.
It was clear in Draco's darting glances that their ridiculously low sexual compatibility had him worried. Severus could have told him what it portended, were he likely to share such personal information with someone who could not work such a thing out on their own. Even were he the consummate top Draco had clearly taken him for, he would hardly share a bed with the boy. He had seen the way Draco leered at Potter, and had heard quite enough during their time among the Death Eaters to know Draco assumed sex trumped every other consideration.
"…and I though the use of manticore poison was quite interesting, didn't you? Severus?"
He blinked. Good Merlin, that was the precise tone Draco used in class when he wanted his teacher's approval. Did the boy even realise he was doing that? "I suppose, but personally I was more interested on the article of new uses of unicorn dung."
"Oh, yes…"
And with only those few words, Draco took off again, eagerly monologuing for the rest of their 'date'.
Severus was quite relieved when it was over.
Blaise
"Perhaps you will find yourself connecting in new ways with someone you already know." -Brochure for Wizard Speed Dating
Blaise tilted his head down, thick lashes fanned. He even appeared to be blushing faintly. "I'm pleased to speak with you again, Professor."
It was an attractive display of restraint and respect. Severus wished he could decide if it were genuine. He supposed that was one of the charms of Slytherins. "You may call me Severus, Blaise. I am hardly your professor here."
"Thank you, sir."
Oh, dear. Just the faintest hint of a smirk there, a suggestion that his role had rather been what Blaise had in mind. That was…off-putting. Far too many detentions in his life to want to play at them after-hours.
Blaise must have read some of this in his expression, because he changed directions entirely with his next words. "I was wondering, Severus, if I might solicit your opinion? This Houses Equality Act that Potter is backing- is it likely to cause problems with sponsorship? I had just got Flint to apprentice me for the exchequer's post, and I'd rather not have to apply through normal channels. I know there have been some concerns over hiring Slytherins, but really most of us are so well-blended by now…"
Severus cocked his head. "As it happens, Barr and Franklin were discussing it just the other day. There's been some talk of the sponsorship system being out-dated, but that seems to happen every 30 years or so. There's the usual collection of families calling it a time-honoured tradition, but they aren't as loud as before, given recent events."
Blaise nodded pleasantly. "I'm not against some sort of equal hiring practice, but Potter really seems to think that it will benefit Slytherins the most. Trading favours has always been more our style. Have you heard anything to indicate that there are a substantial number unable to get the posts they want?"
Gossip did tend to filter along familiar lines, and many little snakes had run to their former Head with news. It was one of the many reasons he had kept such long office hours as a professor, cultivating habits for the future. He considered. "Draco, of course. Parkinson. The Nott family has immigrated to Germany. No one unexpected, and even those who were favored under Voldemort's reign seem to have held onto jobs they prefer. No serious trouble, even with the year after yours."
Blaise looked thoughtful. "Hm. Sponsorship shouldn't directly interfere…" He trailed off, dark eyes sharp. "Technically, since sponsorship is only passed amongst Slytherins, there should be plenty of room for the other Houses to be hired equally."
Severus nodded in agreement. "The exchequer's post? You wouldn't, perhaps, be in need of some untraceable Anti-Fraud potion?"
Blaise went charmingly blank.
"Hmmm." Severus smirked.
"Switch!"
Severus twitched.
Blaise rose to his feet, smoothing his hands down his robe. "Well. A pleasure, Severus."
Indeed.
Harry
"Each round brings you closer to a desired match." -Brochure for Wizard Speed Dating
He was unsurprised to see Harry opposite him once again. His compatibility with others certainly had not come close to matching Potter's. Severus wondered at the unusual flash of resentment he felt when he considered whether Potter had found another match. "Enjoying yourself?"
Harry looked surprised. "Er. I suppose so? It's been sort of an odd cross between catching up with the blokes and-" Harry cut himself off, blushing.
"I had a Ravenclaw in the first round," he found himself volunteering. That blush was distracting.
"Oh! Um, all Gryffindors and Slytherins for me. Which is odd, now I think about it. D'you suppose there are more gay blokes in some Houses than others?"
Severus smirked. "Slytherin."
Harry raised an eyebrow. When had the brat managed to learn that?
"There are some traits that the Founders valued that the Hat does not sing about."
Harry choked. "Are you kidding me? Slytherin wants- I mean, he- Are you saying the Salazar Slytherin encouraged the Hat to sort ambitious, cunning, and gay children into his House?"
"Precisely," Severus agreed. "There is some disagreement as to whether he was homosexual himself, or thought that children would distract from other ambitions."
"But, well, purebloods? All that stuff about family and not breeding with those beneath their station?"
Severus simply smiled wryly. "Why do you think there are so many single-heir families?"
Harry sat back with a rather stunned look. "Oh."
There was a small, awkward silence where they both searched for something new to say.
"Did you know Neville is pregnant?"
Severus restrained himself to a twitch. "I had heard. I had a word with Smith when he left."
Harry grinned. "Did you? Protecting Gryffindor's honor now, are you?"
Severus sniffed. "Hardly. I merely reminded him that leaving a war hero pregnant without support might be bad for his political career. Should some unscrupulous person make certain facts known to a Wizarding publication." And he had quite treasured the look on the supercilious little Hufflepuff's face, too.
Harry was outright laughing now. "Oh, is that why Neville is suddenly getting anonymous deposits in his Gringotts vault?"
Snape contrived to look innocent. "Is he?"
"Yeah. Still, I hope he'll be all right." They both scanned the room instinctively, finding Neville at a table with Dean Thomas. The pair looked quite friendly.
After a considering pause, Severus said, "Isn't Dean already paired with Luna?"
Harry was blushing again. "Er."
Severus smirked. "I see." And he did. Enjoying the unnerved look on Harry's face, he teased, "Having difficulty imagining me privy to sexual arrangements?"
Harry's gaze wandered from his face down to his hands. "No," he said huskily.
The attraction that had been niggling at the back of his head for the last several minutes leapt to the fore. He lowered his voice purposefully. "No?"
Harry leaned closer. "No. I don't have any problem imagining you being privy to sexual…arrangements."
Heat was pooling between them, an almost heady rush. Severus licked his lips unconsciously. Harry's hand came to rest on his, stroking gently, and he issued an invitation before he was quite sure of what he was doing. "Shall we take this somewhere more private for round three?"
Round III
"Ultimately, what you make of a relationship is up to you. Good luck!" -brochure for Wizard Speed Dating
Harry had meant to talk more, or at least say something suave, but he couldn't. Snape's tongue was in his mouth. It was wonderfully distracting. Absently, he tucked his wand back into his sleeve and reached forward, letting his hand rest on Snape's waist. The material was soft under his fingers, and Harry swayed into the magnetic heat of Snape's body.
They broke apart, panting lightly. Harry caught Snape's eyes, which were glittering with approval. Merlin, Snape hadn't looked at him like that since he'd killed Voldemort. A little bubble of warmth started in his stomach. He grinned and leaned forward to resume their kiss. Snape tasted like spices, somehow, and Harry could easily spend hours kissing, even if he had to strain up to do it. He took a shuffling, half-step closer and ran right into Snape. They both gasped, breaking off the kiss again. Snape dipped his head to nibble at Harry's ear, one hand sliding coaxingly into his hair. Harry needed no urging to let Snape do as he pleased, letting out a pleased murmur as his head lolled back.
It was only when Snape bit, and Harry squeaked, that they shifted at all. Snape had one eyebrow arched. "I think," he said, "that I will quite enjoy finding out precisely what that sound means." Harry smiled sheepishly. "Meanwhile…"
In moments, their robes were off, revealing the casual denims and shirt Harry had chosen earlier that evening. Snape- Snape looked stunning. Somehow, the wide neck and silky sheen of his top softened the black of it, making his skin look like moonlight instead of sour milk. The sleeves billowed, then gathered at the cuffs, where ruby cufflinks fastened them together. He was wearing black breeches with piping to match the cufflinks down the sides, of some touchable material that Harry didn't recognise. And he definitely wanted to touch, especially that tempting bulge at Snape's waist. He made himself reach for the cufflinks instead, wanting more of Snape's skin.
Snape stiffened. "I-"
Harry blinked. What? Why would- oh. He carefully unfastened the cufflinks and tucked them into Snape's trousers. Protective and tender, he let Snape's sleeves fall back. Smiling gently, Harry reached into Snape's left sleeve and wrapped his fingers over the spot where the mark would be. He didn't try to say anything, just let Snape look searchingly at him.
The wariness dropped from Snape's shoulders and he leaned forward. When Snape kissed him this time, it was gentle. Heart pounding, Harry traced his free hand up Snape's torso, molding his muscles through the silk. He stroked a thumb over Snape's nipple and felt the man jump, before biting Harry's lip in retaliation. Harry moaned and pressed himself against Snape, thrilling to the feeling of a hard body touching his. The mood shifted again as they kissed furiously, hands wandering.
Harry squirmed, his growing erection pressed firmly into Snape's hip. Snape had tugged Harry's shirt off, and half the buttons on Snape's were open. It made for delightful access. Harry thought his head would come off at the way Snape had groaned when he sucked his nipples, the coppery tang and soft hairs perfect against his tongue. It made his throat ache for cock, vulnerable softness and hardness. He pulled back and hastily opened Snape's remaining buttons, easing breeches and pants down together as he pushed Snape gently against the wall. He sank to his knees and opened his mouth over Snape's cock, breathing in deeply with satisfaction.
"Ah," Snape gasped. "What- oh."
Harry could hear Snape panting over the blood roaring in his ears, but only just. He lapped delicately at the head, and slid his mouth down. He bobbed up and down several times before he was satisfied that he was taking Snape as deep as he could, then brought his hands into play. One hand wrapped firmly around the base of Snape's cock and the other urged Snape's legs wider. Everything he did was met with moans and half-articulated cursing as Snape scrabbled against the wall. Harry dragged his tongue heavily up the thick vein on the underside of Snape's cock, relishing the spurts of pre-come and the way the other man was rocking his hips: urgent jerks, as though he couldn't help himself. He felt drunk on Snape, on the thick, bitter taste of him, the full length of cock in his mouth, the power of taking him like this. Harry reached behind Snape's balls and slid a finger over his arsehole. When Snape raised no objection, Harry wet a finger and slid it in. Above him, Snape went suddenly silent, swelled in his mouth, and came. Harry swallowed the bitter emission hungrily, feeling triumphant.
He slid off and stood carefully. Snape cracked an eye open. "You're trying to kill me."
Harry frowned. "What," he asked innocently.
Snape glanced purposefully down, to where Harry still had a finger buried in his arse.
"Oh, that." Harry smiled and wiggled the finger. Snape drew in a sharp breath.
"Did you want something, Mr. Potter?"
Harry was sure his smile looked more wicked than sweet. "Did you?"
Snape gave him a considering look. He wriggled his fingers again. "Perhaps," Snape conceded breathlessly, "but not here."
Regretfully, Harry withdrew his finger. He escorted them to his bedroom. Snape kicked off his clothes before turning to Harry. He palmed Harry's crotch through the denim. "My sexual tastes do not make me submissive, Harry."
"Gah." Harry rubbed into the firm pressure. "Fuck. Right. Got it." Snape rewarded him by undoing his trousers and wrapping a hand around his cock. Harry panted, driving his fingernails into his palms to stave of orgasm. "I want to fuck you."
Snape released him. "Yes."
They crawled onto the bed, Snape propping his head on his arms and raising his arse up. Harry snagged lubricant from his bed side table. In tense silence, Harry worked fingers into Snape's arse. Smooth slickness stretched easily around his fingers. He had a hungry flash of imagining Snape doing this at home, sliding a toy in and fucking himself. Harry checked in a low, hoarse voice that Snape was ready and paused awhile longer to play with his prostate. Only when Snape was bucking back to meet him did he slide in, the pressure almost too much. He wasn't sure who set the pace, but they were moving together, fast and sure, sweat and straining muscles. Harry gripped Snape's hips and stared at his cock disappearing into Snape, thrusting wildly, until sparks went off in his vision and he threw his head back and roared. His vision cleared just in time to see Snape's hand working furiously under him, and then Snape tensed and came again, too, spattering the sheets.
They fell to the bed in a flurry of cleaning charms and tangled limbs. As they cooled, Harry felt hope and worry fight a brief battle in him. "I brew a mean tea," he said casually.
Snape snorted beside him and snagged a blanket. "I'll cook breakfast, Harry."
Harry grinned at the ceiling as Snape started to snore. He supposed this meant he should start calling the man Severus.
-The End-
Reveals are up, so here is my lovely snarry-a-thon story!