"What do you miss about being single?" for Couples Therapy
I miss the sex.I miss the freedom. I miss not having to redefine myself to keep the people I love. I miss not caring what the person in my bed thinks of me. Because I was myself and I always knew who that was. I miss being able to drink when obligation weighs heavily on my shoulders. I miss having fewer obligations. I miss being held less responsible for my own actions, but who doesn’t?
I miss being cold enough that a wasted day didn’t matter. When we didn’t go for the throat because he was actually afraid of losing me. I miss the feeling that it matters if I’m kept or lost. Not just after a big fight. I miss not loving someone who takes pleasure in making me bleed. I miss not being loved by someone who can’t help being fickle. I miss not having the temptation to change him.
I miss not caring. I miss who I used to be. I miss the certainty. I miss the life I used to lead. Dancing, going to parties, the opera, theater. I miss living more selfishly than I do now. I’m still selfish, I can admit that, but there is a difference there. I miss having my days revolve around myself. I miss not having to worry about whether work and obligation will interfere with things that have become more important. I miss when it was more important.
I don’t miss being alone in truth as well as feeling. It still happens often enough to remind me of that. I don’t miss the knowing that the ones who walk through the door are going to walk back out again. There are reminders of that, too. I don’t miss not understanding what family means out side of theory. That’s why I’m still here, pissed as hell, wanting nothing so much as a chance to take back some of my pride and more than a little revenge on him.
What I miss from being single isn’t coming back without losing far more that I still value. I love him, hard as it is to remember at the moment. That doesn’t meant that I don’t miss a good number of the things from before. Especially when we have another of our spectacular fights. Expecting that much from a person is patently ridiculous. Especially a person like myself. I have no illusions that way. I will always miss it in the way that he will always be who he was when he entered the relationship.
I miss being cold enough that a wasted day didn’t matter. When we didn’t go for the throat because he was actually afraid of losing me. I miss the feeling that it matters if I’m kept or lost. Not just after a big fight. I miss not loving someone who takes pleasure in making me bleed. I miss not being loved by someone who can’t help being fickle. I miss not having the temptation to change him.
I miss not caring. I miss who I used to be. I miss the certainty. I miss the life I used to lead. Dancing, going to parties, the opera, theater. I miss living more selfishly than I do now. I’m still selfish, I can admit that, but there is a difference there. I miss having my days revolve around myself. I miss not having to worry about whether work and obligation will interfere with things that have become more important. I miss when it was more important.
I don’t miss being alone in truth as well as feeling. It still happens often enough to remind me of that. I don’t miss the knowing that the ones who walk through the door are going to walk back out again. There are reminders of that, too. I don’t miss not understanding what family means out side of theory. That’s why I’m still here, pissed as hell, wanting nothing so much as a chance to take back some of my pride and more than a little revenge on him.
What I miss from being single isn’t coming back without losing far more that I still value. I love him, hard as it is to remember at the moment. That doesn’t meant that I don’t miss a good number of the things from before. Especially when we have another of our spectacular fights. Expecting that much from a person is patently ridiculous. Especially a person like myself. I have no illusions that way. I will always miss it in the way that he will always be who he was when he entered the relationship.