"Almost" for Couples Therapy and Mab/Bobby request
Bobby found Brennan starring at the bathroom door. Brennan didn’t look like he needed to go to bathroom, just holding his hands with now drying paint on his hands. Not exactly normal Brennan behavior by any stretch.
“What’s going on, buddy?”
“Mom’s been in the bathroom for a long time and I have to wash my hands.”
Bobby frowned. “Why don’t you go wash your hands in the kitchen while I go check on mom?”
“Ok.” It didn’t take much to send Brennan scurrying away to clean his hands. It was the same kind of faith he’d had in Mab to fix Bobby after the suicide attempt. The faith of a child in his parents. But Bobby’s attention was elsewhere.
He knocked on the door softly at first then with increasing volume until he was sure that he heard no running water or signs of life. He tested the door, and finding it unlocked, steps in, shutting the door behind him. It was an instinct, unsure what he’d find. Mab wasn’t exactly the type to commit suicide or hurt herself, but she wasn’t the type to ignore someone calling for her attention either. He found himself angry when he saw her staring at the mirror and apparently unharmed. What the hell was she thinking? She didn’t even turn to look at him. Just stood there, staring at her own reflection.
“Mab, what the hell?” She didn’t look, didn’t move, and now that he was close, he could hardly even see her chest rise or fall with breath it was so slow. Something like fear hit him then and he reached over to shake her shoulder, “Mab, this isn’t funny.” She felt colder than he could remember. “Mab!”
She took a deep breath suddenly, eyes blinking and warmer. “I’m fine-” Her knees had that had been locked for however long she had been standing there gave way and Bobby just managed to catch her. She was still cold in his arms and Bobby had to remind himself that was normal for her to resist the temptation to turn on hot water in the shower and drag her in with him. Instead he held her tightly and tried to meet her eyes, and almost immediately regretted it when he did.
There was none of the vivacious vitality that was a part of her in those eyes, it was like looking into the eyes of an Alzheimer's patient. The intelligence, the spirit, everything that made them them obscured by something else. It was the first time that he ever looked at the unaging body and realize how old she actually was. The thought of her like this, potentially forever, young but empty and hollow brought a mixture of fear and anger that seemed to burn him.
“Mab, snap out of it.” He sounded stern, commanding, demanding. Bobby was going to hold onto the angry, it was useful. He’d pull her back from whatever caught her and make her pay for scaring him. Or not. Just as long as she didn’t do whatever the hell it felt like she was going to do. Mab didn’t get to leave like that. Not when the kids needed her. Not when he need her. Not ever.
Mab took another deep breath, then another, like a swimmer who’d been under water for too long without realizing it until taking that first breath. He watched her eyes, tried to count her heartbeats which were still too slow when he was so used to her normally too fast pattern. Maybe if he didn’t know her the human rate would have seemed normal. But it worried him. Her eyes slowly cleared and sharpened under his watch, until she seemed to be the one worried about him. That was the point when he knew he could ask his next question, figure out what and who he could blame.
“What the hell did you take?” It wasn’t an unreasonable question given that he knows that she’s been acting unusually lately and has a history of using drugs in the past. She didn’t smell like alcohol or that would have been his first guess. It was something easy to understand and take a hold of. Something that could be controlled and he could get her too stop.
A confused look passed over her features and he was fairly certain he’d hate that expression for quiet a while. It was too much like those hollow eyes that he had first seen, but then she realized what he meant and the expression went away and his stomach unclenched. Mab shook her head and the hair that hit him was a reminder that he was still holding her too tightly. If anything his hold on her tightened. “I wouldn’t do that, too much risk to the triplets...This just happens sometimes...I almost...” Her voice trails off and she frowns.
He isn’t going to accept that. Bobby wants some answers. So he shakes her lightly, getting her to focus more tightly. “You almost what?” His voice is harsh, different than he expected it to in the small room. He wonders for a moment if he hurt her if she’d be able to focus better. Puts it away. She’s got to be whole before he gives her back any of the pain. And he’d not give it back to her if she’d just stop scaring him, damn it.
“I...this isn’t the first time this has happened to me.” There’s a pause as she tried to collect her thoughts and he thought about shaking her again, but she speaks again, sounding more in control. “When I spend too long focusing too hard, stress out too much, try...and not be me. I lose my place in time...lose track of myself. There’s so much I can See in a mirror...I just...got lost.”
She sounded small and young even if it was proof of her actual age. It was enough to get Bobby to sit on the floor of the bathroom and realize he was the only thing keeping her feet. Pulling her into his lap, he tucks her head under his chin. “I’ll get rid of all the mirrors. I’m not losing you.”
“It isn’t the mirrors.” A cold hand crawls up his chest to rest on the scar over his heart. It hurts them both when she’s already humming with magic in the wyrdest ways. But it’s also an anchor they both need. “It’s me.”
He pulls back to tilt her head up, facing the fear that she won’t be there to meet him. But he finds Mab, looking as though nothing had been wrong even though it was only a short while ago. If things hadn’t been so strained he might have wondered how often he had seen her like that, looking fine after she was nearly lost. It’s probably better that it doesn’t. “Let me do something.” For the first time...ever she had been letting him help her, and it hadn’t been enough. But he would be this time. He would be enough because there was no other option. “Almost....losing you,” he gritted his teeth, “give me something to do.”
“Make love to me.” She says it softly, he almost doesn’t believe he hears it. “I need to feel things. And you...are more real than anything else right now.”
A nagging thought, the little boy with paint on his hands the triplets that would only be soundly asleep for so much longer, the older girl who would have a question about a word in a book she shouldn’t be able to read yet. “The kids...” Even as he says it, he sees her shut down and nod. She’ll do the responsible thing and he’ll find her like this in another couple days. Maybe saying her name won’t work that time. “...can wait a little longer.”
He kisses her softly using gentle hands to undress her. They don’t always make love when they have sex. Neither of them use that as their default. But when he lays her down he know exactly what she was asking for. It isn’t a matter of making all the touch mild mannered. If nothing else, she has a habit of loving bites. It’s a matter of intent, of making things clear that they never do. Mab wants him to touch her like she’s real and matters to him. Hearing that she isn’t thousands of times over, pretending that she’s always something else. It was like the first time Bobby realized she saw all of him and liked it. There are too many pieces and she doesn’t believe that anyone will accept the whole. It’s his job to show her otherwise.
Mab holds onto him afterwords, holds onto him like he was the only real thing in her world. Her skin is almost warm to his touch and her heartbeats are back to where they should be. He wants to stay there forever, but they don’t have the time. Just enough to make sure she’s there. To make things as close to right as he can. She’s content for now, back on solid ground. She almost feels like herself, again.
“What’s going on, buddy?”
“Mom’s been in the bathroom for a long time and I have to wash my hands.”
Bobby frowned. “Why don’t you go wash your hands in the kitchen while I go check on mom?”
“Ok.” It didn’t take much to send Brennan scurrying away to clean his hands. It was the same kind of faith he’d had in Mab to fix Bobby after the suicide attempt. The faith of a child in his parents. But Bobby’s attention was elsewhere.
He knocked on the door softly at first then with increasing volume until he was sure that he heard no running water or signs of life. He tested the door, and finding it unlocked, steps in, shutting the door behind him. It was an instinct, unsure what he’d find. Mab wasn’t exactly the type to commit suicide or hurt herself, but she wasn’t the type to ignore someone calling for her attention either. He found himself angry when he saw her staring at the mirror and apparently unharmed. What the hell was she thinking? She didn’t even turn to look at him. Just stood there, staring at her own reflection.
“Mab, what the hell?” She didn’t look, didn’t move, and now that he was close, he could hardly even see her chest rise or fall with breath it was so slow. Something like fear hit him then and he reached over to shake her shoulder, “Mab, this isn’t funny.” She felt colder than he could remember. “Mab!”
She took a deep breath suddenly, eyes blinking and warmer. “I’m fine-” Her knees had that had been locked for however long she had been standing there gave way and Bobby just managed to catch her. She was still cold in his arms and Bobby had to remind himself that was normal for her to resist the temptation to turn on hot water in the shower and drag her in with him. Instead he held her tightly and tried to meet her eyes, and almost immediately regretted it when he did.
There was none of the vivacious vitality that was a part of her in those eyes, it was like looking into the eyes of an Alzheimer's patient. The intelligence, the spirit, everything that made them them obscured by something else. It was the first time that he ever looked at the unaging body and realize how old she actually was. The thought of her like this, potentially forever, young but empty and hollow brought a mixture of fear and anger that seemed to burn him.
“Mab, snap out of it.” He sounded stern, commanding, demanding. Bobby was going to hold onto the angry, it was useful. He’d pull her back from whatever caught her and make her pay for scaring him. Or not. Just as long as she didn’t do whatever the hell it felt like she was going to do. Mab didn’t get to leave like that. Not when the kids needed her. Not when he need her. Not ever.
Mab took another deep breath, then another, like a swimmer who’d been under water for too long without realizing it until taking that first breath. He watched her eyes, tried to count her heartbeats which were still too slow when he was so used to her normally too fast pattern. Maybe if he didn’t know her the human rate would have seemed normal. But it worried him. Her eyes slowly cleared and sharpened under his watch, until she seemed to be the one worried about him. That was the point when he knew he could ask his next question, figure out what and who he could blame.
“What the hell did you take?” It wasn’t an unreasonable question given that he knows that she’s been acting unusually lately and has a history of using drugs in the past. She didn’t smell like alcohol or that would have been his first guess. It was something easy to understand and take a hold of. Something that could be controlled and he could get her too stop.
A confused look passed over her features and he was fairly certain he’d hate that expression for quiet a while. It was too much like those hollow eyes that he had first seen, but then she realized what he meant and the expression went away and his stomach unclenched. Mab shook her head and the hair that hit him was a reminder that he was still holding her too tightly. If anything his hold on her tightened. “I wouldn’t do that, too much risk to the triplets...This just happens sometimes...I almost...” Her voice trails off and she frowns.
He isn’t going to accept that. Bobby wants some answers. So he shakes her lightly, getting her to focus more tightly. “You almost what?” His voice is harsh, different than he expected it to in the small room. He wonders for a moment if he hurt her if she’d be able to focus better. Puts it away. She’s got to be whole before he gives her back any of the pain. And he’d not give it back to her if she’d just stop scaring him, damn it.
“I...this isn’t the first time this has happened to me.” There’s a pause as she tried to collect her thoughts and he thought about shaking her again, but she speaks again, sounding more in control. “When I spend too long focusing too hard, stress out too much, try...and not be me. I lose my place in time...lose track of myself. There’s so much I can See in a mirror...I just...got lost.”
She sounded small and young even if it was proof of her actual age. It was enough to get Bobby to sit on the floor of the bathroom and realize he was the only thing keeping her feet. Pulling her into his lap, he tucks her head under his chin. “I’ll get rid of all the mirrors. I’m not losing you.”
“It isn’t the mirrors.” A cold hand crawls up his chest to rest on the scar over his heart. It hurts them both when she’s already humming with magic in the wyrdest ways. But it’s also an anchor they both need. “It’s me.”
He pulls back to tilt her head up, facing the fear that she won’t be there to meet him. But he finds Mab, looking as though nothing had been wrong even though it was only a short while ago. If things hadn’t been so strained he might have wondered how often he had seen her like that, looking fine after she was nearly lost. It’s probably better that it doesn’t. “Let me do something.” For the first time...ever she had been letting him help her, and it hadn’t been enough. But he would be this time. He would be enough because there was no other option. “Almost....losing you,” he gritted his teeth, “give me something to do.”
“Make love to me.” She says it softly, he almost doesn’t believe he hears it. “I need to feel things. And you...are more real than anything else right now.”
A nagging thought, the little boy with paint on his hands the triplets that would only be soundly asleep for so much longer, the older girl who would have a question about a word in a book she shouldn’t be able to read yet. “The kids...” Even as he says it, he sees her shut down and nod. She’ll do the responsible thing and he’ll find her like this in another couple days. Maybe saying her name won’t work that time. “...can wait a little longer.”
He kisses her softly using gentle hands to undress her. They don’t always make love when they have sex. Neither of them use that as their default. But when he lays her down he know exactly what she was asking for. It isn’t a matter of making all the touch mild mannered. If nothing else, she has a habit of loving bites. It’s a matter of intent, of making things clear that they never do. Mab wants him to touch her like she’s real and matters to him. Hearing that she isn’t thousands of times over, pretending that she’s always something else. It was like the first time Bobby realized she saw all of him and liked it. There are too many pieces and she doesn’t believe that anyone will accept the whole. It’s his job to show her otherwise.
Mab holds onto him afterwords, holds onto him like he was the only real thing in her world. Her skin is almost warm to his touch and her heartbeats are back to where they should be. He wants to stay there forever, but they don’t have the time. Just enough to make sure she’s there. To make things as close to right as he can. She’s content for now, back on solid ground. She almost feels like herself, again.