(no subject)
It was around 4AM of that day when I got awakened by a text message from him. Looks like someone is having trouble falling asleep, aside from me here.
Since I can’t bring myself back to sleep again, I decided to reply back. I just intended to talk about whatever things that would randomly come out… Then, out-of-the-blue, I thought of confessing. Not my entire feelings though, maybe just the fact that I like him, so much.. And then the words came off…
“Gustong gusto kita, gusto ko lang din sabihin..”
I am aware that those words are not enough to contain all the feelings that I have for him, but still I am wishing that those words can somehow manage to make their way into his heart. I hope that they had somehow reached him.
“Ha? Anong gusto? Crush, ganun?"
I wanted to hit him so badly. The heck with that response! Silly him! This feeling is something so much more! I want to tell him that I am seriously in love with him.. I seriously love him all too much. Too much that I just can’t get him out of my mind. Too much that I always want to see him, talk to him, be with him, hear from him.. know everything that he’s doing… And that I am always jealous to every girl he would talked about. And that I am so much afraid of losing him, of being away from him…
But I just can’t say that much. Not right now. Even the word “love”- It’s frightening, it might scare him away.. That was the last thing I ever wanted to happen.
Since lately he’d been talking about his future plans.. He has a lot of choices. Though they were different, all of those would mean one thing- him, leaving this place.
I know we won’t be able to stay here forever.. Time will come when everybody else will have to leave. It was something that I know from the beginning, it is still something that I don’t want to accept. I don’t want him to go, not this time, not just yet…
Despite of that, I am aware that I am in no position of stopping him. This is just so painful. But if he must have to go, if it was something that he should be, if there is somewhere that he must go… Maybe then. -m.rs.