Correspondence
Dear Facebook Friend Acquaintance,
I can't imagine why, in the midst of what must have been a horrendous argument, you decided it would be appropriate to post a relationship status change from married to single, and change your online name as well, only to switch everything back 12 hours later once you and your spouse had patched things up. Seriously. I went through that process, and had I been on Facebook at the time, I can assure you, it would have been the LAST thing on my mind.
Dear Facebook Friend Acquaintance #2,
"Please pray for my infected toe to heal."
Seriously? Seriously?!?
How about I pray you find some common sense and see a doctor..
Dear Washing Machine Manufacturer,
I appreciate that you took the time when designing this machine to think of my safety, especially in the life-threatening instance of an overfull wash tub. I appreciate that you included a feature that would prevent the wash tub from overflowing should I inadvertently put in too much detergent. I appreciate that you don't want my laundry area to be covered with suds, in the style of a sitcom where someone puts dishwashing soap in rather than laundry soap.
But when that safety feature means that I end up with a large puddle of water on the floor every time I don't precisely match the amount of clothes in the load to the water level ... no. Just no.
Dear Job-Search Wiki,
You know, at first our relationship was really kind of fun. I felt so special and lucky to have you in my life, bringing all those little nuggets of gossip I wouldn't have known on my own. But lately you've become, well, mean, giving me breakup messages about phone interviews and campus visits from schools I might have liked. Or worse yet, cancellations. This wiki-jection racket is getting old fast. So it's time for us to separate for a while -- at least until next year.
P.S.: I think I need to read other wikis..
Dear Life,
You had better have something good planned for the near future. I'm just saying..