Congratu-fucking-lations
These guys think they’re all that, but you know what? Nuh-uh!
People Who’ve Climbed K2
Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard it before: “Although less tall than Everest, K2 is actually a harder climb blah blah blah [jerk-off motion]” Cry me a river, pussies. Why don’t you come back when you’ve climbed the real thing, and then I’ll listen to your bitching. Cause you know what? When it comes down to it, all you’ve climbed is a huge pile of #2.
Blood Donors
What? You actually bled so some dipshit could survive falling off his trampoline? Wow, you’re a real-life superhero! I’ll tell you something; I’ve bled more in my life than a hundred blood donors, but it wasn’t in some middle school gym where they give you a band-aid and a cookie afterward. It was in back alleys and dive bars all over the country, facing off against pissant punks like you who needed a good lesson in pain. It’s called a noble cause, assholes, look it up.
Functional Illiterates
I’d tell you all what a bunch of retarded shitheads you are, but you wouldn’t even be able to read it, so here’s something you will understand:
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Single Parents
Let me get this straight; I’m supposed to fall down on my knees and kiss your shit just because you were too unfuckable to hold down a marriage? Why don’t you put your kid to work before you start holding out your grubby mitt for a government handout? And I know they say “children are our most valuable natural resource,” but frankly, I’d be more thankful if you’d pumped out a few tons of coal.
Firefighters
You know what? Blow me.
Originally published at Talking to Myself. You can comment here or there.