Grampa.
Col. Rizalino Cabanban, Sr.
Born: 25th May 1930
Returned to his maker on: 17th September 2001
Much loved by all his friends and family
I am here today, because of him.
Grampa is one of the most amazing men that I have ever met, and that is saying something, because he passed away when I was only 11 years old.
Unlike my cousins and siblings, my childhood was spent with Grampa, Mommy and the residents of the Moonwalk house. When my whole family moved to Sydney, Australia, I was left to be cared for and raised by Grampa and Mommy, along with my Tito’s and the yaya’s in the household. I was less than a year old when my parents asked Grampa and Mommy to take care of me for the time being.
I feel privileged to have grown up in the Moonwalk house and experience Grampa and Mommy firsthand not just as grandparents, but also my stand-in Pa and Ma. They, along with my uncles, aunts and cousins, were so loving and caring that I didn’t miss my family in Sydney as much as I wanted to.
Grampa was not only my grandfather, he was also my dad. He carried me on the nights when I was sick, along with Tito Choly, so that I could eventually fall asleep in their arms.
Grampa would fix the toys that I broke and he taught me how to sing songs from his childhood. He took me out on dates to Pancake House and bought me my favourite spaghetti before we visited our family friends in Villamor Air Base.
He was always there to make sure that I was settling in well in my environment, proved true when he came along to my first day of school at Sacred Heart for Grade 1 and my first day of school at Greenway Park Public School in Sydney, for Grade 6.
Both times, Grampa was a sense of comfort for me. Knowing that he was there watching me made me feel safe and I knew that I could go through the very daunting task of starting big school not once, but twice.
I didn’t care that the other kids were teasing me about my grandfather staying at school for most of the morning, just watching me from the window or the doorway. I was glad and proud that he was there, to make sure I was ok. How many grandfathers would do that?
Grampa really cared for me, and I will never forget my two first days of big school and how he stayed, and smiled, when he saw that I was fitting in okay and knew when it was the right time for him to leave.
He was the person who taught me how to multiply and divide properly, since I wasn’t gifted in Mathematics. When I got in trouble in Grade 3 for not doing my project on time and not getting good grades, it was Grampa who convinced me to try harder and do better despite everyone contributing to my punishment (which was being grounded for 3 months and following a timetable everyday).
Grampa bought me my first dogs Hansel and Gretel and he bought me my first bike, which Tito Butch taught me how to ride. He played ball with me on our front lawn in the Moonwalk house (even though I couldn’t catch) and I would visit him in his study to draw on his spare papers and pretend that I was cleaning his office.
I knew Grampa was angry or annoyed when he yelled out “SANAMAGAN!” Once, when I stole money from his wallet to order pizza, the second, when he got annoyed at Mommy and me when we were arguing about my Barbie house and the third, when I accidently wee wee’d on his lap when I was little.
Grampa also gave the BEST bear hugs.
Grampa taught me the importance of family, and it’s because of him (and Mommy) that I love my family so much. I knew his stories from the time he was in the air force but to me, first and foremost he was my Grampa.
Throughout my childhood I secretly wanted to change my last name to Cabanban, and I wanted to be with Grampa and Mommy and be their adopted daughter forever.
But nothing really lasts forever.
Leaving Grampa, Mommy, the Moonwalk house and my family in the Philippines was one of the hardest things that I had to do in my life. I was only 11 years old, and the event affected me in a very big way.
Grampa and Mommy were both in Sydney with me when I finally decided to stay with my immediate family. I don’t know what made me do it, but I think I knew that it was the right time. Grampa knew that it was the right time too, because during the time that he was in Sydney, he got sick and he started losing some weight.
Mommy was the first one to go back to Manila and I remember crying my heart out for weeks. Nobody ever saw me cry, they probably heard me but I didn’t want to be comforted. Grampa stayed a bit longer in Sydney to make sure I was settling in well with my new family.
As I mentioned previously, he was there for my first day of school. In the last few weeks before he flew back to Manila, I made sure I spent a lot of time with him even if it meant sleeping with him in the same room with his loud snore, a snore that I was accustomed to while I was growing up.
I remember waking up the night before Grampa’s flight back to Manila and seeing tears in his eyes while he sat at the study desk. I should’ve hugged him then, but I didn’t, because there was a war going on inside me. I was angry and upset but I made sure that nobody knew what I was really feeling.
I didn’t cry when Grampa flew back to Manila, instead I felt a little angry. I would cry myself to sleep most nights, some nights I was too tired to feel anything and I coped with the loss by just occupying myself with hanging out with friends, going to school and participating with as much extra-curricular activities as I could muster. In saying that, I still missed the family I left behind everyday.
In July 2001, I returned to the Philippines and stayed there for 3 months. Grampa was there waiting for me to arrive from the airport with his green collared top and his cane. He had a big smile on his face and so did I, I was home.
During the time I was there, Grampa had to go to the hospital and was confined. Grampa told Mommy that he wanted to go home, so they made preparations to transform one of the rooms at the Moonwalk house to be able to support Grampa.
Before my flight back to Sydney, I visited Grampa at the hospital but I didn’t know it was the last time I was going to see him. I told him that he has to get better, that he has to try. I asked him to pick me up from Sydney and take me back to Manila when he got better, and he said yes.
I left Manila on September 12, 2001, just a day after the September 11 attacks and arrived on September 13, 2001 at Sydney. On September 17 2001, Grampa passed away.
It left a big hole in my heart, and throughout the years I would crumble whenever I thought of or spoke about Grampa. I think it was because I never got to say goodbye to him properly, and because I miss him being around.
The Moonwalk house isn’t the same without him, but I’m grateful to have spent my first 11 years with Mommy and Grampa. Grampa loved me very much, and took care of me like I was his own daughter. In turn I loved him, and still love him, with all my heart and soul because he was my grandfather and father combined.
I love you Grampa, and I miss you every single day. I wish you were here to see me walk down the aisle on my wedding day someday and meet my future children. I will make sure that they know about you, because you were a very big part of their mother’s life.
It still saddens me that you’re not around, but I still see you through the eyes of the whole family and even sense you when I visit the Moonwalk house. Thank you for everything that you have done for me and for the family and I will cherish the memories I have of you forever.
I will never forget you.