(no subject)
You have Cerebral Malaria
How you get it: Parasite passed through mosquito bite, especially frequent in children.
Incubation period: 7 days to 6 months
Early symptoms: generalised body ache, tiredness, headache, sore throat, diarrhea, and fever
Symptoms at full disease onset: Sudden onset of high swinging fever with marked shivering and dramatic perspiration
Final outcome of this horrible disease: In this form, the malaria virus is able to pass from the bloodstream into the brain. As time passes and the parasite eats away at brain tissue, delirium, coma, and death are a certainty.
There is nothing you can do now but wait for death to arrive and hope it comes quickly. Make your peace.
get your own internet diagnosis
(X): I Have Never (_)=Have
(X) I NEVER HAVE BEEN DRUNK
(X) I NEVER HAVE SMOKED POT
(X) I NEVER HAVE KISSED A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
(X) I NEVER HAVE KISSED A MEMBER OF THE SAME SEX
(_) I NEVER CRASHED INTO SOMEONE ELSE'S CAR
(X) I NEVER BEEN TO JAPAN
(X) I NEVER RODE IN A TAXI
(X) I NEVER HAD ANAL SEX
(X) I NEVER HAVE BEEN IN LOVE
(X) I NEVER HAD SEX
(X) I NEVER HAVE HAD SEX IN PUBLIC
(X) I NEVER HAVE BEEN DUMPED
(X) I NEVER SHOPLIFTED
(X) I NEVER HAVE BEEN FIRED
(X) I NEVER BEEN IN A FIST FIGHT
(X) I NEVER HAD A THREESOME
(_) I NEVER SNUCK OUT OF MY PARENT'S HOUSE
(X) I NEVER BEEN TIED UP (SEXUALLY)
(X) I NEVER BEEN CAUGHT MASTURBATING
(_) I NEVER PISSED ON MYSELF
(X) I NEVER HAD SEX WITH A MEMBER OF THE SAME SEX
(X) I NEVER HAD SEX WITH A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
(X) I NEVER BEEN ARRESTED
(X) I NEVER MADE OUT WITH A STRANGER
(X) I NEVER STOLE SOMETHING FROM MY JOB
(X) I NEVER CELEBRATED NEW YEARS IN TIME SQUARE
(X) I NEVER WENT ON A BLIND DATE
(_) I NEVER LIED TO A FRIEND
(X) I NEVER HAD A CRUSH ON A TEACHER
(X) I NEVER CELEBRATED MARDI-GRAS IN NEW ORLEANS
(X) I NEVER BEEN TO EUROPE
(X) I NEVER SKIPPED SCHOOL
(X) I NEVER SLEPT WITH A CO-WORKER
(X) I NEVER HAVE BEEN FISTED AND/OR HAVE NEVER FISTED ANYONE
(X) I NEVER HAVE THROWN UP IN A BAR
(X) I NEVER HAVE PURPOSELY SET A PART OF MYSELF ON FIRE
(_) I NEVER HAVE EATEN SUSHI
(X) I NEVER HAVE BEEN SNOWBOARDING
(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN HAPPY WITH MYSELF
(X) I NEVER HAD SEX AT A FRIEND'S HOUSE WHILE THEY WERE THROWING A PARTY
(X) I HAVE NEVER HAD SEX IN A DRESSING ROOM
(X) I HAVE NEVER GIVEN ORAL SEX
(X) I NEVER CHEATED ON MY BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND
(_) I NEVER SEE THE GOOD SIDES OF THINGS.
(X) I NEVER FLASHED ANYONE.
(X) I NEVER LEGALLY PURCHASED PORNOGRAPHY
(_) I NEVER DID ANYTHING ILLEGAL
(X) I NEVER SLEPT WITH A CO-WORKER
(X) I NEVER CUT MYSELF ON PURPOSE
(X) I NEVER HAD SEX AT THE OFFICE
(X) I NEVER GOT MARRIED
(X) I NEVER GOT DIVORCED
How you get it: Parasite passed through mosquito bite, especially frequent in children.
Incubation period: 7 days to 6 months
Early symptoms: generalised body ache, tiredness, headache, sore throat, diarrhea, and fever
Symptoms at full disease onset: Sudden onset of high swinging fever with marked shivering and dramatic perspiration
Final outcome of this horrible disease: In this form, the malaria virus is able to pass from the bloodstream into the brain. As time passes and the parasite eats away at brain tissue, delirium, coma, and death are a certainty.
There is nothing you can do now but wait for death to arrive and hope it comes quickly. Make your peace.
get your own internet diagnosis
(X): I Have Never (_)=Have
(X) I NEVER HAVE BEEN DRUNK
(X) I NEVER HAVE SMOKED POT
(X) I NEVER HAVE KISSED A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
(X) I NEVER HAVE KISSED A MEMBER OF THE SAME SEX
(_) I NEVER CRASHED INTO SOMEONE ELSE'S CAR
(X) I NEVER BEEN TO JAPAN
(X) I NEVER RODE IN A TAXI
(X) I NEVER HAD ANAL SEX
(X) I NEVER HAVE BEEN IN LOVE
(X) I NEVER HAD SEX
(X) I NEVER HAVE HAD SEX IN PUBLIC
(X) I NEVER HAVE BEEN DUMPED
(X) I NEVER SHOPLIFTED
(X) I NEVER HAVE BEEN FIRED
(X) I NEVER BEEN IN A FIST FIGHT
(X) I NEVER HAD A THREESOME
(_) I NEVER SNUCK OUT OF MY PARENT'S HOUSE
(X) I NEVER BEEN TIED UP (SEXUALLY)
(X) I NEVER BEEN CAUGHT MASTURBATING
(_) I NEVER PISSED ON MYSELF
(X) I NEVER HAD SEX WITH A MEMBER OF THE SAME SEX
(X) I NEVER HAD SEX WITH A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
(X) I NEVER BEEN ARRESTED
(X) I NEVER MADE OUT WITH A STRANGER
(X) I NEVER STOLE SOMETHING FROM MY JOB
(X) I NEVER CELEBRATED NEW YEARS IN TIME SQUARE
(X) I NEVER WENT ON A BLIND DATE
(_) I NEVER LIED TO A FRIEND
(X) I NEVER HAD A CRUSH ON A TEACHER
(X) I NEVER CELEBRATED MARDI-GRAS IN NEW ORLEANS
(X) I NEVER BEEN TO EUROPE
(X) I NEVER SKIPPED SCHOOL
(X) I NEVER SLEPT WITH A CO-WORKER
(X) I NEVER HAVE BEEN FISTED AND/OR HAVE NEVER FISTED ANYONE
(X) I NEVER HAVE THROWN UP IN A BAR
(X) I NEVER HAVE PURPOSELY SET A PART OF MYSELF ON FIRE
(_) I NEVER HAVE EATEN SUSHI
(X) I NEVER HAVE BEEN SNOWBOARDING
(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN HAPPY WITH MYSELF
(X) I NEVER HAD SEX AT A FRIEND'S HOUSE WHILE THEY WERE THROWING A PARTY
(X) I HAVE NEVER HAD SEX IN A DRESSING ROOM
(X) I HAVE NEVER GIVEN ORAL SEX
(X) I NEVER CHEATED ON MY BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND
(_) I NEVER SEE THE GOOD SIDES OF THINGS.
(X) I NEVER FLASHED ANYONE.
(X) I NEVER LEGALLY PURCHASED PORNOGRAPHY
(_) I NEVER DID ANYTHING ILLEGAL
(X) I NEVER SLEPT WITH A CO-WORKER
(X) I NEVER CUT MYSELF ON PURPOSE
(X) I NEVER HAD SEX AT THE OFFICE
(X) I NEVER GOT MARRIED
(X) I NEVER GOT DIVORCED