(no subject)
i have discovered that i present myself in two different ways..... i AM two different people....
1. to my family- im sad, i get up set a lot, constantly challenging the rules, never wanting to do what they tell me, the "rebel", i hate myself, i cry more thinking of different family shit than anything else combine, i HATE being home unless im sleeping or a friend is with me, i feel almost unwelcome, i dont want them to care, i dont talk much, i try to but am quickly shot down, stupid things that im saying, i always just want to leave
2. to my friends- i do my absolute best to make them happy, they mean EVERYTHING to me, when they are nice i just cry... good tears, i love you, all of you, if i could just live with my friends forever i would be a much happier person, im the nice one, i say they make me feel uncomfortable when they tell me how beautiful i am inside and out... and while it does... its nice to hear it sometimes... i was never told that i was pretty as a child.... i was only told that i could do what ever a boy could... one of the reasons i fucking HATE feminism... i will never think im pretty... not the way i was raised.
all i want to be is perfect for my friends.... all i want to do is piss off my family
those are the two versions of me... who is the real me?? i'll tell you when i know... i've no idea who i really am... i'll be who you want me to be... think what you will
1. to my family- im sad, i get up set a lot, constantly challenging the rules, never wanting to do what they tell me, the "rebel", i hate myself, i cry more thinking of different family shit than anything else combine, i HATE being home unless im sleeping or a friend is with me, i feel almost unwelcome, i dont want them to care, i dont talk much, i try to but am quickly shot down, stupid things that im saying, i always just want to leave
2. to my friends- i do my absolute best to make them happy, they mean EVERYTHING to me, when they are nice i just cry... good tears, i love you, all of you, if i could just live with my friends forever i would be a much happier person, im the nice one, i say they make me feel uncomfortable when they tell me how beautiful i am inside and out... and while it does... its nice to hear it sometimes... i was never told that i was pretty as a child.... i was only told that i could do what ever a boy could... one of the reasons i fucking HATE feminism... i will never think im pretty... not the way i was raised.
all i want to be is perfect for my friends.... all i want to do is piss off my family
those are the two versions of me... who is the real me?? i'll tell you when i know... i've no idea who i really am... i'll be who you want me to be... think what you will