See Part 1 here Explanation and Disclaimer in Part 1. This has not been betaed, so blame any mistakes on me.
Hermione Granger and the Big Family Secret
aka Harry Potter and the Mamma Mia Story: A Bad Fanfic
Chapter 2: Honey, Honey
Ron and Harry Apparated just outside the gates of Hogwarts the day before Hermione and Viktor’s wedding. Hagrid and Hermione were waiting to greet them.
“Harry! Ron!” Hermione called, running to hug each of them. Putting an arm through each of theirs, she started walking toward Hagrid. “It’s so good to see both of you. Isn’t it, Hagrid?”
Hagrid looked down to see the three friends standing together and smiled. “Jus’ like old times. Hello, Harry. Ron.” Taking a large, polka-dot kerchief from his pocket, he loudly blew his nose. Shaking his head at his own sentimentality, he muttered, “I don’ know what’s the matter wi’ me.”
Harry gave Hagrid a big hug and said, “It’s good to see you too, Hagrid.”
Ron reached up to pat Hagrid on the elbow, “Good old Hagrid.”
Hagrid gave them each a pat on the head and said, “Why don’ ya come by fer tea later? Fang’ll be happy t’ see you.”
Harry answered, “We’ll be by if this one”-he looked affectionately at Hermione-“doesn’t keep us too busy.”
“It’s the day before my wedding! And there’s a lot to do, but I’ll see if I can spare them for a while, Hagrid.”
Ron elbowed Hermione. “We’ll be glad to escape down later, Hagrid.”
Laughing, the three friends started walking to the castle. Once out of earshot of Hagrid, Hermione stopped and hugged them again. “I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve got a secret, and I’ve just been longing to tell you.”
Ron looked seriously at Hermione for a minute. “We’re not going to have to hex Viktor, are we?”
Harry caught on, and his face took on a look of shock. “Hermione?”
Looking between the faces of her two best friends, Hermione realized what they were thinking. “What? No, of course not!” She took their arms again as she walked. “No, this secret has to do with my mother.”
Harry’s face lost its shocked expression and took on a look of concern. “Which mum?”
Ron put a supportive arm around Hermione’s shoulders. Talking about parents was tough for Hermione. During their fifth year at Hogwarts, Mr. and Mrs. Granger had been killed by Death Eaters. After their deaths, Professor McGonagall had become Hermione’s legal guardian as Hermione was not yet of age. At the time, everyone had assumed that Professor McGonagall was just taking her duties as Hermione’s Head of House to the next step. Eventually, after Voldemort’s defeat, McGonagall had confessed to being Hermione’s birthmother.
Hermione had been confused and a little angry, but Professor McGonagall-Minerva, as she urged Hermione to call her-tried to explain. She had been involved in a holiday romance. By the time Minerva knew she was pregnant, the romance was over, the father long gone. Minerva had been an unmarried teacher with a hard choice to make. She had disguised her pregnancy with glamours, and when Hermione was born, Minerva made an adoption plan to place her with the Grangers.
“I was so glad to know that you were being raised by two people who loved you, but now that they are gone, I want to be here for you-at least, as much as you’ll let me,” Minerva had told her. As the shock of the Grangers’ deaths subsided a bit, Hermione and Minerva began to forge a relationship, getting to know each other little by little.
Hermione smiled at the boys, grateful for their understanding of her unique circumstances. “This secret is about Minerva, but I want to tell all my good friends at once. Let’s go meet up with the girls.”
They made their way up to the Gryffindor common room where Cho Chang, Parvati Patil and Luna Lovegood would be waiting for them. The three girls had befriended Hermione after her parents had been killed. They had become so close that Hermione had chosen the three to be her bridesmaids. She had wanted to ask Ginny Weasley, too, but Ginny was playing for the Holyhead Harpies and couldn’t get back for the wedding. Besides, she and Harry had broken up some months previously, and things between the two of them weren’t exactly friendly.
They gave the portrait of the Fat Lady the password for the weekend, “Hermione Loves Viktor.” As they entered, Ron said, “Come on, Hermione, tell us the secret.”
There was quite a large group assembled in the common room. Cho, Parvati and Luna were there as Hermione had supposed, but the group also included Fred and George Weasley and Dean Thomas.
“A secret?” Fred said, looking up at them. “We love secrets, don’t we George?”
“Oh, yes,” George agreed with a waggle of his eyebrows, “and we’re really good at not keeping them.”
Hermione laughed. “As if I could tell the two of you anything that was supposed to stay secret.”
George coaxed, “Come on, ’Mione, tell us.”
Fred chimed in, “We’ll make an exception to our ‘tell all secrets’ policy just for your wedding.”
Hermione looked at them doubtfully. “Well, all right. Minerva and I have been trying to get to know each other better. She gave me a box of some photos and things from her past. There was a diary in the box, too. Did you know that she was the songwriter for The Bewitches?”
“The Bewitches?” Harry asked, puzzled.
Parvati answered, “They were a famous witches’ band in the 1970s. Their songs are still pretty popular today.”
Cho chimed in, “They have some great oldies!”
Fred sounded surprised. “Professor McGonagall was the songwriter for The Bewitches? Some of their lyrics are fairly...” He trailed off in search of the correct word.
“Silly?” George supplied. “Oh now, Fred, think of the hidden dignity of some of their songs.” In a high, falsetto voice he began to sing:
Oh, sweet Nimue,
How he thrills me, uh-huh,
When he loves me.
Fred took over in his breathy falsetto, adding some appropriate dance moves:
Oh, sweet Nimue,
Nearly kills me, uh-huh,
When he loves me.
George and Fred joined together, with very feminine gestures:
I never knew this before.
Now I want him more and more.
And how can this really be?
When he kisses me-Oh, it makes me dizzy!
Everyone laughed, and those who knew the song joined in for the next stanza:
Oh, sweet Nimue,
Let me feel it, uh-huh,
When he loves me.
Oh, sweet Nimue,
Can’t conceal it, uh-huh,
When he loves me.
The way that you hold me so,
Please don’t ever let me go.
And I feel so very hot
When you... dot, dot, dot!
Laughing and gasping, the group fell into seats. “Wait a minute!” Harry gasped, out of breath from dancing and laughing. “When you... dot, dot, dot? What’s that supposed to mean?”
George gave a hoot of laughter. “No wonder Ginny broke up with you, mate!”
Harry flushed in embarrassment. “Oh, it means that? Well, I know how to do that!”
Ron responded to George, “Besides, Harry broke up with Ginny.”
“Uh-huh, sure he did,” Fred teased.
Cho gave Harry a look and then spoke up, “In spite of the fact that Harry and I dated too soon after Cedric was killed, I can assure you that he can dot, dot, dot.”
Harry gave her a surprised look before giving her a small, grateful smile.
Ron said in a thoughtful voice, “Well, that is kind of a silly lyric. It’s hard to believe McGonagall wrote it.”
Hermione gave him a grin. “What would you say if I told you your mother sang the lyric?”
“What do you mean?” Ron asked.
“Your mother was one of The Bewitches.”
“Not Mum,” Ron said, gobsmacked.
Fred thought a moment. “I’d heard that she was in a band, but I had no idea it was such a famous band.”
“Who else was in it with her?” George asked.
“I haven’t quite figured that out. They had nicknames, apparently. The diary talks about Molly, Billie, Dolo, and Ladybug. I figured out it was Mrs. Weasley because the band had some trouble touring with her three boys and finally had to break up when she got pregnant with twins.”
“Wicked!” said George. “We broke up a famous band!”
“And we weren’t even born yet,” Fred agreed. “That’s some pretty good mischief there.” There was a chorus of groans, giggles and shaking of heads.
Dean spoke up, “I heard there were some arrangements for the bachelor party later. Should we see if we can find Viktor and figure out what’s happening?”
“You guys go on ahead,” Ron answered. “Harry and I will be right there.”
Fred, George and Dean left, leaving the rest to sit in the suddenly quiet common room. Luna said in her dreamy voice, “I think Hermione has something else to tell us.”
Hermione looked at Luna with bewilderment on her face. “How do you do that?”
“Hey, I thought so, too,” protested Ron. “That’s why Harry and I stayed.”
“Never mind, Ron. You’re both right; I do have something to say that I didn’t want to say in front of everybody.” She took a deep breath. “I think I found out something about my birthfather. Minerva has always just told me it was a holiday romance, and by the time she found out she was pregnant, it was over and he was long gone.” Everyone nodded. They had been aware of Hermione’s frustration over the lack of information about her birthfather. “I read my mum’s diary... and I have three possible fathers.”
“What?!” asked Parvati. “Three?”
Hermione pulled a shrunken book from her pocket and restored it to its normal size. Opening it, she found the page she was looking for. "'December 1, 1978. Went to a party with Ladybug and Dolo. Met Severus, and we took up where we left off at Halloween. It wasn’t long before we left. I took Severus to the Lodge-' That’s Minerva’s house. 'We sat in front of the fire talking. We have so much in common that I can almost forget the difference in our ages. Apparently, Severus felt the same way because pretty soon we were hugging in front of the fire, and then we were kissing in front of the fire, and then we... dot, dot, dot.”
Harry snorted, “Dot, dot, dot again? Even in her diary?”
Hermione said, “Wizarding culture is a little old-fashioned, Harry, and this was 20 years ago.”
“Good thing, too, mate,” Ron answered. “I don’t think I want to know the details of McGonagall’s encounter with Snape.” Everyone looked uncomfortable at the thought.
“So, Professor Snape is your father?” asked Luna.
“Wait, there’s more,” Hermione responded. “December 10, 1978. Severus has announced that he and Lily Evans have been secretly engaged, and he’s gone back to Manchester to marry her.”
“Poor Professor McGonagall!” Cho sighed.
“December 17, 1978,” Hermione continued. “I went to a Christmas party, and Sirius tried to cheer me up. We flew on his motorcycle to the Lodge. Though I’m still devastated about Severus, Sirius is so wild and funny. When we flew into the old stables at the Lodge, he kissed me. I guess we’d both been drinking because before we knew it, we... dot, dot, dot, right on the seat of that big motorcycle!”
Harry looked a little ill. “Sirius and Professor McGonagall? On the motorcycle?”
Hermione just gave him a look before resuming her reading. “December 24, 1978. The boys were kind enough to come to the Lodge to check on me. James, Sirius and Peter had some family commitments for Christmas Eve, but Remus stayed for a while. I don’t know what has come over me. I wouldn’t normally... but he was so sweet and sensitive. One thing led to another, and then... dot, dot, dot.”
Everyone sat in silence, not knowing what to say about this revelation of ancient history that had such an impact on Hermione. Finally Ron spoke in an attempt to ease the tension. “Heh, heh, I guess Minerva must have been quite a looker when she was younger.”
Harry rolled his eyes at Ron before turning to Hermione. “What are you going to do with this information?”
Hermione answered with some determination. “I want to have the perfect wedding, and I want my father to give me away.”
Luna asked, “Which one did you invite?”
Hermione just looked around helplessly. “All of them.”
Hermione’s friends just looked at each other in shock. Cho said, “Oh.”
Parvati flopped back against the chair she was sitting in. “My.”
Luna finished what they were all thinking. “God.”
Hermione looked somewhat defensive. “Now that I know one of them is my father, I’m sure I’ll be able to tell when I see them. Ever since my parents died, there’s been a part of me missing. When I know who my birthfather is, I think everything will fall into place.” She gave them all a hopeful smile.
“I must say,” Parvati said with a little giggle, “that knowing what we know gives the song lyrics a whole new meaning.”
Cho laughed with her, and they started singing:
Oh, sweet Nimue,
Touch me, baby, uh-huh,
When you love me.
The others joined in, trying not to be overcome with giggles:
Oh, sweet Nimue,
Hold me, baby, uh-huh,
When you love me.
You may not feel like a star,
But I know just who you are.
You bring me up even higher
With your dragon’s fire.
Ron yelled, “Brain bleach! I don’t want to know which one of them has ‘dragon’s fire’! Yuck!” They all broke down laughing with a slightly hysterical edge.
The portrait opened, allowing Professor McGonagall into the Gryffindor common room. “I just came up to see how you all are settling in.” The laughter died down with a few nervous giggles as they realized who had come in. Minerva continued, “You sound like you’re having fun.”
“Oh, we are!” Luna agreed.
“I used to have fun,” Minerva mused, a little bit to herself.
“Oh, we know!” Parvati chimed in.
“Let’s go look at our dress robes,” Hermione quickly interjected before anyone could say anything more incriminating. “Harry and Ron, maybe you better go find Viktor and the other guys.”
“Right!” Harry agreed. “Let’s go, Ron.” Everyone quickly disbanded, leaving Minerva shaking her head in amusement.
~more to come~
If you'd care to see the song "Honey, Honey" with original lyrics, check out this video:
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