(no subject)
i miss you. this last month has been the most trying period of my life. my auntie says yer up there smiling, because you know you got to me. that's just like you. the fact is, i've always cared about you...and i know you knew that. i try to not think about it...it's so much easier to just force myself to think it's just been awhile since i've seen you. to tell myself that one day i'm just gonna walk into my aunt's house and see you sitting on the couch in your wifebeater (haha, even though you'd walk in with about 4 layers of baggy clothes), pineapple soda in hand, watching the cartoon network. the day of my party i walked into my apartment to see one of my friends sitting on the couch without his shirt on...haha, for one split second, i swore it was you. i've got a feeling these moments are going to happen often.
nobody really knows what exactly happened a month ago...except for you i guess. well, you and whoever did this to you..if, in fact, someone did have a part in this. i've come to realize it's not important how it happened, it's the fact that it did..and that you're gone, and i guess this is just how it was supposed to be.
another of an eternity of months has gone by that i haven't and won't ever see you.
i got really sick last night...i wonder if subconsciously knowing that this glum day was coming had something to do with it. they're having a vigil tonight in you're honor...and i just can't bring myself to go. i feel like a selfish coward, but i just can't. i can't publicly mourn..and i know exactly what will happen. i'll pent up all of my emotions and they'll randomly explode on some poor unsuspecting victim. i can't do that to me or anyone else. i want to go to honor you, but i've got plans to honor you as it is...things that i have to do on my own. i want to go see you soon, they should have your headstone by now...not that that's what's important. there's some sort of comfort in the thought of being able to go visit you.
te hecho de menos, hermano. un dia, espero que pueda entender.
nobody really knows what exactly happened a month ago...except for you i guess. well, you and whoever did this to you..if, in fact, someone did have a part in this. i've come to realize it's not important how it happened, it's the fact that it did..and that you're gone, and i guess this is just how it was supposed to be.
another of an eternity of months has gone by that i haven't and won't ever see you.
i got really sick last night...i wonder if subconsciously knowing that this glum day was coming had something to do with it. they're having a vigil tonight in you're honor...and i just can't bring myself to go. i feel like a selfish coward, but i just can't. i can't publicly mourn..and i know exactly what will happen. i'll pent up all of my emotions and they'll randomly explode on some poor unsuspecting victim. i can't do that to me or anyone else. i want to go to honor you, but i've got plans to honor you as it is...things that i have to do on my own. i want to go see you soon, they should have your headstone by now...not that that's what's important. there's some sort of comfort in the thought of being able to go visit you.
te hecho de menos, hermano. un dia, espero que pueda entender.