My Abusive Lover
Well it's official. My relationship with writing is without a doubt an abusive one.
Whatever I do, wherever I am, at any time of day - it's there, controlling what I think. It isolates me from the world and demands all of my love and attention. It gets jealous whenever I do something else - like drawing or making videos - and whispers ideas inside my head the whole time, until I'm so wound up to start writing down these awesome ideas - only for it to turn it's back and sneer 'I don't think you deserve that'.
And I know I should leave it. I should just quit - but I love it so much it hurts.
When it's good - it's great. I never feel so creative and alive than when I am writing a story that just flows out. It feels spectacular to just be there - watching it work in front of me - and being a part of that.
But then those moments seem to be few and far between. Splendid as it is when it flows - watching the stream dry up until it's a trickle is a heartbreaking appearance each and every time.
Going from long anecdotes on the exact color of the room's curtains and the feel of the woman's leather purse as she clutched it firmly in her carefully, lovingly almost, manicured hands - to and then he walked in, and then he said, and then she laugh before saying back, and then he chuckled, shaking his head long sufferingly (THAT'S NOT EVEN A WORD. WHY DO I ALWAYS WANT TO USE IT) - is without a doubt the most frustrating of sensations.
Well that's the end of my little rant I suppose.
*sigh* Right - well I guess I'm off to try and work out this writer's block thing again. God I wish it would just stop. My theory is that I've been trying to tackle so many different tasks I never have time to finish any of them so my little mental hard drive is getting or clogged up with useless information - so now I'm running too slow to write anything worthwhile - and am stressed out to the max to even finish what I've started. So my plan is to just get everything down. I'm going to write it all down. Everything I've come up with - down on paper, so that way it's something physical, something I can hold, something I can change - something I can make better.
Fingers crossed it works :D
Whatever I do, wherever I am, at any time of day - it's there, controlling what I think. It isolates me from the world and demands all of my love and attention. It gets jealous whenever I do something else - like drawing or making videos - and whispers ideas inside my head the whole time, until I'm so wound up to start writing down these awesome ideas - only for it to turn it's back and sneer 'I don't think you deserve that'.
And I know I should leave it. I should just quit - but I love it so much it hurts.
When it's good - it's great. I never feel so creative and alive than when I am writing a story that just flows out. It feels spectacular to just be there - watching it work in front of me - and being a part of that.
But then those moments seem to be few and far between. Splendid as it is when it flows - watching the stream dry up until it's a trickle is a heartbreaking appearance each and every time.
Going from long anecdotes on the exact color of the room's curtains and the feel of the woman's leather purse as she clutched it firmly in her carefully, lovingly almost, manicured hands - to and then he walked in, and then he said, and then she laugh before saying back, and then he chuckled, shaking his head long sufferingly (THAT'S NOT EVEN A WORD. WHY DO I ALWAYS WANT TO USE IT) - is without a doubt the most frustrating of sensations.
Well that's the end of my little rant I suppose.
*sigh* Right - well I guess I'm off to try and work out this writer's block thing again. God I wish it would just stop. My theory is that I've been trying to tackle so many different tasks I never have time to finish any of them so my little mental hard drive is getting or clogged up with useless information - so now I'm running too slow to write anything worthwhile - and am stressed out to the max to even finish what I've started. So my plan is to just get everything down. I'm going to write it all down. Everything I've come up with - down on paper, so that way it's something physical, something I can hold, something I can change - something I can make better.
Fingers crossed it works :D