About my co-workers: Amy
11-02-08 11:45 pm
I got to touch my co-worker's legs today.
Guess I should back up...
One of my co-workers, I'll call her Amy, complained that one of her knees was hurting. She was sitting there poking it (funny how we as people do that, something hurts we keep poking it to find out exactly WHERE it hurts, then keep poking it some more afterwards just to make sure we've got it pinned accurately.) She pulled up her pants and, placing one of her feet on the wall (she was sitting down, and so was I), she starting poking at the area underneath her knee, saying, "I think this part swollen or something, I mean, look how big it is compared to my other knee." Then she put up her other knee briefly before switching back to the first (her left, if you're wondering.)
So, I'm sitting there, my face about a foot away from these rather nice, smooth and athletic looking legs, and I said, "Not sure I see it, you want me to...?" And I gestured with my hand. She said, "Yeah, go ahead." I reached out and began gentling probing the back of her knee with my fingertips. I found a bit of a lump. She's says, “Ah!! That hurts!”
“Here's where it hurts?” I asked.
“Yes, right there, right where that lump is. Do you feel it?”
“Yeah, I feel... something. I don't know if it's normal or not.”
“I think my knee is swollen. I mean, feel the other knee.” She put up her other leg again. I poked around and said, “You're right, there's definitely a difference here.” The corresponding area on her other knee didn't feel as swollen, so I suppose she was right.
“You have very nice legs.” I said.
She looked me. “Don't say that, Mike.” she said in an almost, I dunno… sad tone of voice? She stood up, pulling her pant legs back down.
“I'm sorry,” I said. “What if I said, 'You have very athletic looking legs,' would that be okay?”
“Yeah, that'd be okay.”
Anyway, we chatted for a bit about work and some other things, and after that she left. I felt depressed for awhile afterwards, thinking about what I'd said and just... you know, things in general.
I've written a previous journal entry about Amy before, and someone asked me if I was in love with her. I replied, “Love? I really don't know. What is love, anyway? I couldn't tell you that either.”
I don't know, I like Amy, she's a wonderful girl, full pep and energy, she's very sweet, and yes, I find her very attractive, and I think she deserves a better guy than the one she's currently dating. I admire her outgoingness, her ability to have a conversation with just about anyone. I like how, for the most part, when I talk to her, she's actually listening and engaging in what I'm saying, no matter how silly the topic is. I remember one time when I first started this job we were working a midnight shift together and she there to supervise me. We were sitting at the front desk, without much to do, and suddenly I said, “I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with the letter s.“
And she actually looked around and started guessing at what I was looking at, happily playing along. I mean, most people if they had heard that, they would have just gone, “Uh, okay,” and went about their business.
I have no delusions though; I seriously doubt even if she was single, she'd be interested in someone like me. Pretty girl like her could have just about any guy she chooses.
Ahhh.. why the hell am I even thinking about this? I mean, I've got a potential love interest already. Course, I suppose being that we haven't meet face to face yet she still seems like an abstract concept to me.
Another thing that I keep turning over in my mind is what I said to Amy, you know, complimenting her legs. I guess (well, okay, I KNOW) that's probably not an appropriate comment to say to a co-worker, regardless of whether or not we're friends. But this brings up two issues with me...
The first one is about what I say and how guarded I am. Seems like, time and time, I keep my guard you know, doing my best not to say anything stupid or offensive or that can misinterpreted, but then, after awhile, I feel I know the situation, and I start to relax, test the waters, tell a joke or two, and then, BAM! I've let my guard too much and out my mouth comes something stupid, that gets me trouble, or bothers someone.
I feel conflicted… on the one hand I’m tired of just hanging back, keeping quiet, not being myself, and when it comes to the opposite sex I get tired of just sitting back hoping my “inner” good qualities will somehow shine through and get their notice. I’ve done that for years and it’s not happened. Now I’ve been wanting to try something different, to be more outgoing, to be flirtatious, to let the girls know I’m not some asexual “big brother” type being that I often find myself being cast as (if I get noticed to begin.) But still, I don’t know fully how to act yet, or how convey what I’m trying to convey without things coming out wrong.
Ahhh… I really hate being me sometimes.
I got to touch my co-worker's legs today.
Guess I should back up...
One of my co-workers, I'll call her Amy, complained that one of her knees was hurting. She was sitting there poking it (funny how we as people do that, something hurts we keep poking it to find out exactly WHERE it hurts, then keep poking it some more afterwards just to make sure we've got it pinned accurately.) She pulled up her pants and, placing one of her feet on the wall (she was sitting down, and so was I), she starting poking at the area underneath her knee, saying, "I think this part swollen or something, I mean, look how big it is compared to my other knee." Then she put up her other knee briefly before switching back to the first (her left, if you're wondering.)
So, I'm sitting there, my face about a foot away from these rather nice, smooth and athletic looking legs, and I said, "Not sure I see it, you want me to...?" And I gestured with my hand. She said, "Yeah, go ahead." I reached out and began gentling probing the back of her knee with my fingertips. I found a bit of a lump. She's says, “Ah!! That hurts!”
“Here's where it hurts?” I asked.
“Yes, right there, right where that lump is. Do you feel it?”
“Yeah, I feel... something. I don't know if it's normal or not.”
“I think my knee is swollen. I mean, feel the other knee.” She put up her other leg again. I poked around and said, “You're right, there's definitely a difference here.” The corresponding area on her other knee didn't feel as swollen, so I suppose she was right.
“You have very nice legs.” I said.
She looked me. “Don't say that, Mike.” she said in an almost, I dunno… sad tone of voice? She stood up, pulling her pant legs back down.
“I'm sorry,” I said. “What if I said, 'You have very athletic looking legs,' would that be okay?”
“Yeah, that'd be okay.”
Anyway, we chatted for a bit about work and some other things, and after that she left. I felt depressed for awhile afterwards, thinking about what I'd said and just... you know, things in general.
I've written a previous journal entry about Amy before, and someone asked me if I was in love with her. I replied, “Love? I really don't know. What is love, anyway? I couldn't tell you that either.”
I don't know, I like Amy, she's a wonderful girl, full pep and energy, she's very sweet, and yes, I find her very attractive, and I think she deserves a better guy than the one she's currently dating. I admire her outgoingness, her ability to have a conversation with just about anyone. I like how, for the most part, when I talk to her, she's actually listening and engaging in what I'm saying, no matter how silly the topic is. I remember one time when I first started this job we were working a midnight shift together and she there to supervise me. We were sitting at the front desk, without much to do, and suddenly I said, “I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with the letter s.“
And she actually looked around and started guessing at what I was looking at, happily playing along. I mean, most people if they had heard that, they would have just gone, “Uh, okay,” and went about their business.
I have no delusions though; I seriously doubt even if she was single, she'd be interested in someone like me. Pretty girl like her could have just about any guy she chooses.
Ahhh.. why the hell am I even thinking about this? I mean, I've got a potential love interest already. Course, I suppose being that we haven't meet face to face yet she still seems like an abstract concept to me.
Another thing that I keep turning over in my mind is what I said to Amy, you know, complimenting her legs. I guess (well, okay, I KNOW) that's probably not an appropriate comment to say to a co-worker, regardless of whether or not we're friends. But this brings up two issues with me...
The first one is about what I say and how guarded I am. Seems like, time and time, I keep my guard you know, doing my best not to say anything stupid or offensive or that can misinterpreted, but then, after awhile, I feel I know the situation, and I start to relax, test the waters, tell a joke or two, and then, BAM! I've let my guard too much and out my mouth comes something stupid, that gets me trouble, or bothers someone.
I feel conflicted… on the one hand I’m tired of just hanging back, keeping quiet, not being myself, and when it comes to the opposite sex I get tired of just sitting back hoping my “inner” good qualities will somehow shine through and get their notice. I’ve done that for years and it’s not happened. Now I’ve been wanting to try something different, to be more outgoing, to be flirtatious, to let the girls know I’m not some asexual “big brother” type being that I often find myself being cast as (if I get noticed to begin.) But still, I don’t know fully how to act yet, or how convey what I’m trying to convey without things coming out wrong.
Ahhh… I really hate being me sometimes.