BSG VID: Cold

[m_a_r_i_k_s]

Song: Cold 
Artist: Evans Blue
Spoilers: up to A Son Also Rises 
Characters: Lee and Kara
Size: 42.7 mb, zip - avi + lyrics inside 
Download:  megaupload
YouTube: here

Commentary: this vid is a continuation of my bad habit to tell the story from Lee's character POV.  It's hard not to see that whatever he does has a direct or oblique connection to his soul

Comments

[m_a_r_i_k_s]

Thank you for the verbal slapping you gave me recently.

No problem! Next time you can pay in cash - 6,96 pounds a comment. Twice as much if you don't answer :D

It was certainly enough to get me out of my own head for a little while..

Good. Because that was partly my purpose - to kick you out of your head even if just for a second, because I could feel how you were sinking further down in that endless marsh and unintentionally pulling me along with you.

You were talking about anger that you don't want to end and when it does - there's some sort of emptiness. - Well that's what your reaction made me go through. Three days of boiling in my own bile mixed with a hint of desperation (considering that for the most part I don't give a damn what Katee said).

I have only myself to blame though. For loosing the bounds of my addiction in some other people, getting too frakking attached and therefore dependent. If you left the fandom for good, I would certainly stay but then I'd have to let an important emotional part of me go, and that's quite another matter, a rather significant one.
Anyway, it's my own problem. The world wouldn't end, I just need to try to find a way to deal with my psychosis.

I don't honestly know where I am with fandom. I'm certainly still angry, but at least I'm aware now that I need distance and perspective rather than to simply react. I owe you for that.

You should take as much distance from the fandom and pilots as you want and more than that - as much you feel you need.
I still must admit I'm really glad you left your fics at your present lj and even unlocked the last chapters of Secrets and Lies.

In the meantime, I'm going to go to London and work myself to the point of exhaustion for the next three days, and then see what's going on.

As far as I'm concerned, physical and mental exhaustion help in such situations... not too much but better than doing nothing about it, I guess.

If I'm lucky, you'll still be talking to me.

I guess you are:) Although I didn't have any plans on stopping talking to you regardless of the outcome of your decision about writing fics and leaving or staying in the fandom.

Mentally I try to find the bright sides of the worst option you could stick to. The very attempt is sickening, frankly, but I hope I'll break through... one way or another.