*sobs and sobs and sobs* I know comments like that always sound like exaggeration.
Hmm. Not to me. And not from you.
But ... if you were here you could touch my tears. I started crying ten seconds in and didn't stop and was left gasping at the end.
I can touch your tears... I have no words. *hugs... and hugs and hugs some more* Can you imagine me vidding it? The last three weeks were a nightmare of a sort. I had to go through this story over and over again, and it didn't get any easier. Every second beat of this vid was like a scorching hook through my heart. I could say that's I'm sorry it made you feel this way, but I'm not: I think we need this for now.
The unexpected coda really worked for me emotionally because I kept thinking it was over and then there was more--and that's kind of fitting given that Kara's abuse cycles keep on coming. That look she gives Cain! And oh the way she shakes herself awake in horror! Waaahhhh!
The "I don't know why, but I have a lot of faith in you" line and the ending with Cain were what I saw halfway through this vid. It shaped into the intro too. There is a lot of subtext in Adama ordering her to murder Cain, and Cain getting sort of fascinated with Kara as a pilot and a tactician; one that is hard to even think about, but it's still there.
I know you had qualms about it but watching it, I am so much IN the story that I do not feel the presence of the author at all.
I'll take that as a compliment. I didn't want the viewers to know what making it cost me, it shouldn't be public. For a moment I was actually very worried that it would show.
The external footage feels totally integrated to me--the shot of the little girl throwing her hands in her air is what first broke me, I wanted to lift her up and rescue her. There is so much fragility in that one brief triumph--I saw all Kara's other moments of triumph in that shot, and suddenly it was obvious to me how beneath that 'whoo hoo, I'm a hotshot!' feeling there was so much pain.
I'm so relieved that external source feels right! You know how it scares me that I might mess up...
I didn't want to focus on her relationship with her father for too long in this one as I think it's a subject for another story. But I wanted to try to make it visible in a few shots how different things were for her when he was around, when he was teaching her to ride a bike or play the piano, or when he would just hold her in his arms and she wouldn't want the feeling to end. That little triumph shot is very much connected to that. And Kara's other disappointments stem from those first ones. She could get tough and closed to the entire world, yes, but she could never get less vulnerable with people she truly cared about, those whose opinion mattered. Could she? Can anyone of us? I think yes, but that means that first one has to learn to be free, self-contained, silent and lone; only then she could try getting truly willingly intimate with someone.
I feel like you built a completely coherent narrative here about Kara's adolescence as well. I would loooove you to do the same with Lee. I don't know where you found the footage, but it was so perfect.
Years of seeing pilots in every third or fourth good film I watch, drawing connections... can be helpful ;)
I hope I'll be able to paint Lee's story as well. At least I've got a map for that one in my head. It'll take time for me to recover from this vid though.
I saw a bit of Tyra in Kara there for a moment, btw!
How so? I'm curious, because I think there are certain connections thematically and emotionally too.
I'm not: I think we need this for now. WE DO. Badly. The show never showed the full horror inherent in this story properly, it treated it as a trivial sensationalist gimmick and they weren't true to the content of that story in that stupid 'reconciliation' in Maelstrom... well you know how I feel about it.
You know how it scares me that I might mess up... And I'm so excited for you and proud of you that you took this plunge with it! If I didn't know, I wouldn't see your anxiety in this vid because you handle it all so well--your perfectionism pays off!
I shudder to think what this must have taken for you to vid it though. Considering you wrote to me only a few days ago saying you felt unsure if you wanted to show it to anyone, you've managed to push through those emotions very fast!! In some ways maybe that's the only way to do it, push through the storm? Living with this for too long would be... ::shudders::
That little triumph shot is very much connected to that. The shot of the car pulling out of the driveway really gets to me too. I liked the understatedness with her father--you didn't opt for showing a doe-eyed Kara idolising her father, it felt far more real than that.
she could never get less vulnerable with people she truly cared about, those whose opinion mattered. Could she? Can anyone of us? I think yes, but that means that first one has to learn to be free, self-contained, Mmm, it's very hard. I see Kara (in canon) retreat into herself sometimes and I think she's trying to do that. But I think you always *think* you're free from those things, that the people close to you who have power over you can't hurt you any more than they already have, but in my experience there always IS more... I guess that part of Kara I can understand, the flinching for the next blow part. (That's partly why I found her happy glowy suicide in Maelstrom so reductive)
Years of seeing pilots in every third or fourth good film I watch, drawing connections... can be helpful ;) HAAA!! I see them everywhere too. Hee. I never thought of it for that...
You TOTALLY need a time out after this vid. You need... what relaxes you most? You need whatever that is!
Hmm. Not to me. And not from you.
But ... if you were here you could touch my tears. I started crying ten seconds in and didn't stop and was left gasping at the end.
I can touch your tears... I have no words. *hugs... and hugs and hugs some more*
Can you imagine me vidding it? The last three weeks were a nightmare of a sort. I had to go through this story over and over again, and it didn't get any easier. Every second beat of this vid was like a scorching hook through my heart.
I could say that's I'm sorry it made you feel this way, but I'm not: I think we need this for now.
The unexpected coda really worked for me emotionally because I kept thinking it was over and then there was more--and that's kind of fitting given that Kara's abuse cycles keep on coming. That look she gives Cain! And oh the way she shakes herself awake in horror! Waaahhhh!
The "I don't know why, but I have a lot of faith in you" line and the ending with Cain were what I saw halfway through this vid. It shaped into the intro too. There is a lot of subtext in Adama ordering her to murder Cain, and Cain getting sort of fascinated with Kara as a pilot and a tactician; one that is hard to even think about, but it's still there.
I know you had qualms about it but watching it, I am so much IN the story that I do not feel the presence of the author at all.
I'll take that as a compliment. I didn't want the viewers to know what making it cost me, it shouldn't be public. For a moment I was actually very worried that it would show.
The external footage feels totally integrated to me--the shot of the little girl throwing her hands in her air is what first broke me, I wanted to lift her up and rescue her. There is so much fragility in that one brief triumph--I saw all Kara's other moments of triumph in that shot, and suddenly it was obvious to me how beneath that 'whoo hoo, I'm a hotshot!' feeling there was so much pain.
I'm so relieved that external source feels right! You know how it scares me that I might mess up...
I didn't want to focus on her relationship with her father for too long in this one as I think it's a subject for another story. But I wanted to try to make it visible in a few shots how different things were for her when he was around, when he was teaching her to ride a bike or play the piano, or when he would just hold her in his arms and she wouldn't want the feeling to end. That little triumph shot is very much connected to that. And Kara's other disappointments stem from those first ones. She could get tough and closed to the entire world, yes, but she could never get less vulnerable with people she truly cared about, those whose opinion mattered. Could she? Can anyone of us? I think yes, but that means that first one has to learn to be free, self-contained, silent and lone; only then she could try getting truly willingly intimate with someone.
I feel like you built a completely coherent narrative here about Kara's adolescence as well. I would loooove you to do the same with Lee. I don't know where you found the footage, but it was so perfect.
Years of seeing pilots in every third or fourth good film I watch, drawing connections... can be helpful ;)
I hope I'll be able to paint Lee's story as well. At least I've got a map for that one in my head. It'll take time for me to recover from this vid though.
I saw a bit of Tyra in Kara there for a moment, btw!
How so? I'm curious, because I think there are certain connections thematically and emotionally too.
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WE DO. Badly. The show never showed the full horror inherent in this story properly, it treated it as a trivial sensationalist gimmick and they weren't true to the content of that story in that stupid 'reconciliation' in Maelstrom... well you know how I feel about it.
You know how it scares me that I might mess up...
And I'm so excited for you and proud of you that you took this plunge with it! If I didn't know, I wouldn't see your anxiety in this vid because you handle it all so well--your perfectionism pays off!
I shudder to think what this must have taken for you to vid it though. Considering you wrote to me only a few days ago saying you felt unsure if you wanted to show it to anyone, you've managed to push through those emotions very fast!! In some ways maybe that's the only way to do it, push through the storm? Living with this for too long would be... ::shudders::
That little triumph shot is very much connected to that.
The shot of the car pulling out of the driveway really gets to me too. I liked the understatedness with her father--you didn't opt for showing a doe-eyed Kara idolising her father, it felt far more real than that.
she could never get less vulnerable with people she truly cared about, those whose opinion mattered. Could she? Can anyone of us? I think yes, but that means that first one has to learn to be free, self-contained,
Mmm, it's very hard. I see Kara (in canon) retreat into herself sometimes and I think she's trying to do that. But I think you always *think* you're free from those things, that the people close to you who have power over you can't hurt you any more than they already have, but in my experience there always IS more... I guess that part of Kara I can understand, the flinching for the next blow part. (That's partly why I found her happy glowy suicide in Maelstrom so reductive)
Years of seeing pilots in every third or fourth good film I watch, drawing connections... can be helpful ;)
HAAA!! I see them everywhere too. Hee. I never thought of it for that...
You TOTALLY need a time out after this vid. You need... what relaxes you most? You need whatever that is!
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