For epiclevelregina! Fic: Safe (Matt/Mohinder, Molly mentioned)
Title: Safe
Author: Artsy (hiddenfantasy)
Rating: R
Summary: Even Matt has his bad days.
Spoilers: All of season 2
Present for: epiclevelregina
The Request: Angsty songfic! With hurt/comfort!
Notes: The song is Push by Sarah McLachlan. Merry Christmas, epiclevelregina! I hope you enjoy your gift!
The shower is the only place Matt can think to hide. He doesn't want to be around Molly and her unconditional love and he certainly doesn't want to be around Mohinder who just looks at him with that quiet and sad understanding. He's had a rough day and he wants to wallow in the anger and misery that seems to consume him the minute he leaves the apartment. Matt bends his head under the spray of the shower and watches the water fall to the floor and spin down the drain. Normally he can pretend that things are fine and that he didn't have a shitty day at work but today... today he just can't shake the feeling that everything is going wrong.
When Matt first got into law enforcement he truly believed he could rid the world of crime, one dumbass at a time. And now, now he knows that every time one criminal goes to jail two more pop up in his place. He wants to make the world a safer place for his daughter and his partner but no matter how hard he tries, he only feels like he's drowning in a world of chaos. Every day he witnesses the repercussions of murder and the pain of rape. He's seen families torn apart from the monstrosity that is abuse. Matt hasn't been able to keep his family safe from feeling the pain of losing a loved one to a senseless killing. Molly lost her parents and Mohinder lost his father, after all. Matt wonders if there's any point to even trying any more. What's the point of trying to keep people safe if no one cares?
Matt closes his eyes as he feels the anger he can normally keep at bay rising in his body. He's angry at the world for being such a violent and hate filled place. He's angry with the fact that he won't always be able to keep Molly and Mohinder out of harms way. But mostly, he's angry with himself for ever believing he could make the world a better place to live in. Matt now knows that despite his dreams of making the world a better place to live for everyone, the world really is a shitty place to live and quite frankly he's tired of trying to protect people who just don't give a damn any more. He always thought he could make a difference. But now he knows better and despite coming home to a loving family every evening, he can't help but feel cynical that he'll eventually fuck this up too, because he's already fucked up his chance to keep the world safe, to keep his family safe.
Before he realizes what he's doing, Matt's fist slams into the shower wall. The crack echoes in the small room and the sting in his knuckles only helps to fuel his anger. He wants to fight. He wants to yell and curse and tell someone, anyone, that despite his best efforts, the world is shit and they should all be eradicated 'cause the human race is obviously too fucked up for its own good.
Every time I look at you the world just melts away
All my troubles all my fears dissolve in your affections
You've seen me at my weakest but you take me as I am
And when I fall you offer me a softer place to land
Matt doesn't realize that he has company until soft lips are pressed against his shoulder and a dark hand is reaching out to take his injured one away from the wall. He doesn't want to face his lover. He doesn't want Mohinder to see just how much he's fallen since he first became a detective. And yet, his body is still turning towards the younger man at his prompting. Matt meets Mohinder's eyes as the other man kisses the bruises forming on his knuckles. His body is still radiating anger and he still wants to scream to get his frustrations out but the soft look in his lover's eyes is enough to keep him grounded, for now.
A deep frown has settled onto his face and Matt drops his head to Mohinder's wet shoulder. Right now, he simply want to absorb the calm that is Mohinder. His eyes close and he sighs heavily. How is it that this man, this completely brilliant geneticist, is able to lend him the strength to push down the anger until it's only simmering under the surface of his skin? Matt buries his face against Mohinder's neck as the smaller man kisses his temple gently.
You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe
"I can't do this any more," Matt says quietly into Mohinder's neck. "I can't keep pretending that every asshole I put in jail is making this city, the world safer. Not when I can't even fucking keep you and Molly safe."
"You do keep us safe, Matthew."
He can't help but snort. Matt knows as well as Mohinder that his words aren't true. He wasn't there to protect them from Sylar. He was off in Texas watching his friend's life extinguish before his own eyes. His arms wrap around Mohinder's waist tightly as the realization hits him. "No. I don't. I didn't." It hurts him to admit that he failed at keeping his family, the only people he loves more than anything, safe from any harm.
"You couldn't help that."
I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe
No matter what I say or do 'cause you're to good to fight about it
Even when I have to push just to see how far you'll go
You won't stoop down to battle but you never turn to go
"Bullshit!" Matt pulls his body away from Mohinder's and he glares. "I should've been here! I could've stopped him! I could've protected you both!" It infuriates him that Mohinder isn't arguing with him. He needs this release. He needs to know that he did fuck things up royally and that he will always fuck things up. He needs to be told that he's worthless and that he's only going to ruin this, ruin them, ruin their family.
Janice would always argue. She would always confirm his worst fear. She would push his buttons and he would push hers and they would be angry at each other for days, weeks even, before things went back to the way they were before their fight. Matt is so used to this sort of fighting that he expects Mohinder to fight with him. To push his buttons and eventually leave him because all Matt can ever do is fuck up the good things in his life.
But Mohinder doesn't fight him. He simply reaches out and touches Matt's face tenderly. "You did protect us."
Matt is flabbergasted and he stares at his lover, dumbfounded. "What?"
"You did protect us. If you hadn't been there with Nathan, that virus would've been set loose and we wouldn't be here today." Mohinder smiles and runs his thumb along Matt's bottom lip. "Molly and I are fine. We're alive. You may not have been able to protect us from Sylar but you did protect us from the virus." He pulls Matt closer and gently kisses his lips. "You saved us, Matthew."
You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe
He doesn't know what to say, so he simply opts to keep his mouth closed. Of all the scenarios he had pictured, this was not one of them. He had pictured an argument of gargantuan proportions. He imagined sleeping on the couch for a week and awkwardly trying to explain to Molly that he and Mohinder weren't happy with each other but things would be better soon enough. He never imagined Mohinder reaching around his body to turn off the shower. He never thought that his lover would pull him gently from the tub and help him dry off. And he certainly never thought he'd be led to their bedroom and pushed down onto their bed.
"I don't know what's going inside that head of yours," Mohinder says while moving onto the bed next to Matt, "but whatever negative thing you're thinking of, stop it." He settles against Matt's body while his arm moves to rest against the larger man's waist.
"I'm not thinking anything negative."
"You were." Mohinder presses his face against Matt's neck before speaking again, softly this time. "You do a lot for us, Matt. You make Molly feel safe. You make me feel safe. I know you risk your life every day, doing what you're doing, just to make this city that much safer for us."
Matt snorts. "I'm not doing much good."
"I think you are doing a lot of good and in the end, that's all that really matters." With a soft kiss to Matt's neck, Mohinder closes his eyes as he presses his body against his lover's.
Your love is just the antidote when nothing else will cure me
There are times I can't decide when I can't tell up from down
You make me feel less crazy when otherwise I'd drown
But you pick me up and brush me off and tell me I'm okay
Sometimes that's just what we need to get us through the day
"I don't suppose I have any say in the matter?"
"None what-so-ever."
"I thought so."
Mohinder chuckles against Matt's neck and moves his hand to grasp Matt's in his own. They lay together in silence, their hands intertwined, both lost in their own thoughts, until Mohinder speaks. "I know there are times when everything seems hopeless. We all feel it, but please, please don't forget that you're doing amazing things every day, even if they may not seem all that amazing to begin with." He moves onto his side and uses his elbow to prop his body up so he can look down at his lover.
Matt meets his eyes and frowns. "It certainly doesn't feel amazing when I get one rapist off the street and two more replace him. And it really doesn't feel amazing when I help one kid escape her abusive father and know in my heart there are twenty more kids out there being smacked around by their parents."
"One rapist you take off the street helps his victims sleep better at night. One child you save from her parents could be one child who will eventually do great things in this world. It's hard not to think about the negative aspects of your job, but perhaps, if you focused on the good you are doing, then things wouldn't seem so depressing." Mohinder trails his free hand along Matt's chest before letting it stop over his heart.
The frown stays on Matt's face, despite the words coming from Mohinder's lips. "It's hard to do that."
"I know." Mohinder eases his body on top of Matt's and kisses him gently. "It would be easier for you if you would talk to me, instead of hiding in the shower and keeping it to yourself."
"I wasn't hiding. I was thinking."
"For you, the two have the same meaning when you're upset."
"You noticed that?"
Mohinder chuckles as Matt leans up to kiss him. "Of course." His expression becomes serious again. "You can talk to me. I'm not always optimistic about the way our world is, but I can certainly help you... well, as much as I can anyway."
"You shouldn't have to listen to me bitch about how fucked up this city is."
"Of course I should." Mohinder tells him sternly. "If I didn't think I should be there for you when you needed me, then we wouldn't be sharing this bed and you certainly wouldn't have my heart and I wouldn't have yours. I love you, Matthew and if that means I shouldn't worry about what's going on inside that head of yours that leads to you hide from me in the shower, of all places, then we have some issues we need to work through."
It is exactly those words that has Mohinder on his back in less than a second. Matt is kissing his lover fiercely and he's wondering how the hell he got so fucking lucky to have this man's love. "I love you, too. So much."
You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe
They spend hours in their bed, making love and exploring each other like they use to when their relationship was still so new and still so fragile. As they lay spent in each other's arms, Matt can't help but be thankful for the man beside him. There are days when he simply wants to crawl back into bed and avoid the hell that is New York City and there are days when he wishes he had the ability to go nuclear like Ted and watch the city go up in flames. But then he wouldn't have Molly and he wouldn't have Mohinder and now he understands that despite the never ending crime in this city, it doesn't compare to not having his family.
Matt also understands that he will eventually fuck this all up, because after all, he is a Parkman and the Parkman family doesn't exactly have the best track record. But for now, none of that matters because he has the love of one good man and the love of a beautiful little girl who still thinks of him as her hero and if he can hold off on fucking it all up, then maybe he can be better than his father. And maybe, just maybe, if he accomplishes that then he can save the world.
Author: Artsy (hiddenfantasy)
Rating: R
Summary: Even Matt has his bad days.
Spoilers: All of season 2
Present for: epiclevelregina
The Request: Angsty songfic! With hurt/comfort!
Notes: The song is Push by Sarah McLachlan. Merry Christmas, epiclevelregina! I hope you enjoy your gift!
The shower is the only place Matt can think to hide. He doesn't want to be around Molly and her unconditional love and he certainly doesn't want to be around Mohinder who just looks at him with that quiet and sad understanding. He's had a rough day and he wants to wallow in the anger and misery that seems to consume him the minute he leaves the apartment. Matt bends his head under the spray of the shower and watches the water fall to the floor and spin down the drain. Normally he can pretend that things are fine and that he didn't have a shitty day at work but today... today he just can't shake the feeling that everything is going wrong.
When Matt first got into law enforcement he truly believed he could rid the world of crime, one dumbass at a time. And now, now he knows that every time one criminal goes to jail two more pop up in his place. He wants to make the world a safer place for his daughter and his partner but no matter how hard he tries, he only feels like he's drowning in a world of chaos. Every day he witnesses the repercussions of murder and the pain of rape. He's seen families torn apart from the monstrosity that is abuse. Matt hasn't been able to keep his family safe from feeling the pain of losing a loved one to a senseless killing. Molly lost her parents and Mohinder lost his father, after all. Matt wonders if there's any point to even trying any more. What's the point of trying to keep people safe if no one cares?
Matt closes his eyes as he feels the anger he can normally keep at bay rising in his body. He's angry at the world for being such a violent and hate filled place. He's angry with the fact that he won't always be able to keep Molly and Mohinder out of harms way. But mostly, he's angry with himself for ever believing he could make the world a better place to live in. Matt now knows that despite his dreams of making the world a better place to live for everyone, the world really is a shitty place to live and quite frankly he's tired of trying to protect people who just don't give a damn any more. He always thought he could make a difference. But now he knows better and despite coming home to a loving family every evening, he can't help but feel cynical that he'll eventually fuck this up too, because he's already fucked up his chance to keep the world safe, to keep his family safe.
Before he realizes what he's doing, Matt's fist slams into the shower wall. The crack echoes in the small room and the sting in his knuckles only helps to fuel his anger. He wants to fight. He wants to yell and curse and tell someone, anyone, that despite his best efforts, the world is shit and they should all be eradicated 'cause the human race is obviously too fucked up for its own good.
Every time I look at you the world just melts away
All my troubles all my fears dissolve in your affections
You've seen me at my weakest but you take me as I am
And when I fall you offer me a softer place to land
Matt doesn't realize that he has company until soft lips are pressed against his shoulder and a dark hand is reaching out to take his injured one away from the wall. He doesn't want to face his lover. He doesn't want Mohinder to see just how much he's fallen since he first became a detective. And yet, his body is still turning towards the younger man at his prompting. Matt meets Mohinder's eyes as the other man kisses the bruises forming on his knuckles. His body is still radiating anger and he still wants to scream to get his frustrations out but the soft look in his lover's eyes is enough to keep him grounded, for now.
A deep frown has settled onto his face and Matt drops his head to Mohinder's wet shoulder. Right now, he simply want to absorb the calm that is Mohinder. His eyes close and he sighs heavily. How is it that this man, this completely brilliant geneticist, is able to lend him the strength to push down the anger until it's only simmering under the surface of his skin? Matt buries his face against Mohinder's neck as the smaller man kisses his temple gently.
You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe
"I can't do this any more," Matt says quietly into Mohinder's neck. "I can't keep pretending that every asshole I put in jail is making this city, the world safer. Not when I can't even fucking keep you and Molly safe."
"You do keep us safe, Matthew."
He can't help but snort. Matt knows as well as Mohinder that his words aren't true. He wasn't there to protect them from Sylar. He was off in Texas watching his friend's life extinguish before his own eyes. His arms wrap around Mohinder's waist tightly as the realization hits him. "No. I don't. I didn't." It hurts him to admit that he failed at keeping his family, the only people he loves more than anything, safe from any harm.
"You couldn't help that."
I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe
No matter what I say or do 'cause you're to good to fight about it
Even when I have to push just to see how far you'll go
You won't stoop down to battle but you never turn to go
"Bullshit!" Matt pulls his body away from Mohinder's and he glares. "I should've been here! I could've stopped him! I could've protected you both!" It infuriates him that Mohinder isn't arguing with him. He needs this release. He needs to know that he did fuck things up royally and that he will always fuck things up. He needs to be told that he's worthless and that he's only going to ruin this, ruin them, ruin their family.
Janice would always argue. She would always confirm his worst fear. She would push his buttons and he would push hers and they would be angry at each other for days, weeks even, before things went back to the way they were before their fight. Matt is so used to this sort of fighting that he expects Mohinder to fight with him. To push his buttons and eventually leave him because all Matt can ever do is fuck up the good things in his life.
But Mohinder doesn't fight him. He simply reaches out and touches Matt's face tenderly. "You did protect us."
Matt is flabbergasted and he stares at his lover, dumbfounded. "What?"
"You did protect us. If you hadn't been there with Nathan, that virus would've been set loose and we wouldn't be here today." Mohinder smiles and runs his thumb along Matt's bottom lip. "Molly and I are fine. We're alive. You may not have been able to protect us from Sylar but you did protect us from the virus." He pulls Matt closer and gently kisses his lips. "You saved us, Matthew."
You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe
He doesn't know what to say, so he simply opts to keep his mouth closed. Of all the scenarios he had pictured, this was not one of them. He had pictured an argument of gargantuan proportions. He imagined sleeping on the couch for a week and awkwardly trying to explain to Molly that he and Mohinder weren't happy with each other but things would be better soon enough. He never imagined Mohinder reaching around his body to turn off the shower. He never thought that his lover would pull him gently from the tub and help him dry off. And he certainly never thought he'd be led to their bedroom and pushed down onto their bed.
"I don't know what's going inside that head of yours," Mohinder says while moving onto the bed next to Matt, "but whatever negative thing you're thinking of, stop it." He settles against Matt's body while his arm moves to rest against the larger man's waist.
"I'm not thinking anything negative."
"You were." Mohinder presses his face against Matt's neck before speaking again, softly this time. "You do a lot for us, Matt. You make Molly feel safe. You make me feel safe. I know you risk your life every day, doing what you're doing, just to make this city that much safer for us."
Matt snorts. "I'm not doing much good."
"I think you are doing a lot of good and in the end, that's all that really matters." With a soft kiss to Matt's neck, Mohinder closes his eyes as he presses his body against his lover's.
Your love is just the antidote when nothing else will cure me
There are times I can't decide when I can't tell up from down
You make me feel less crazy when otherwise I'd drown
But you pick me up and brush me off and tell me I'm okay
Sometimes that's just what we need to get us through the day
"I don't suppose I have any say in the matter?"
"None what-so-ever."
"I thought so."
Mohinder chuckles against Matt's neck and moves his hand to grasp Matt's in his own. They lay together in silence, their hands intertwined, both lost in their own thoughts, until Mohinder speaks. "I know there are times when everything seems hopeless. We all feel it, but please, please don't forget that you're doing amazing things every day, even if they may not seem all that amazing to begin with." He moves onto his side and uses his elbow to prop his body up so he can look down at his lover.
Matt meets his eyes and frowns. "It certainly doesn't feel amazing when I get one rapist off the street and two more replace him. And it really doesn't feel amazing when I help one kid escape her abusive father and know in my heart there are twenty more kids out there being smacked around by their parents."
"One rapist you take off the street helps his victims sleep better at night. One child you save from her parents could be one child who will eventually do great things in this world. It's hard not to think about the negative aspects of your job, but perhaps, if you focused on the good you are doing, then things wouldn't seem so depressing." Mohinder trails his free hand along Matt's chest before letting it stop over his heart.
The frown stays on Matt's face, despite the words coming from Mohinder's lips. "It's hard to do that."
"I know." Mohinder eases his body on top of Matt's and kisses him gently. "It would be easier for you if you would talk to me, instead of hiding in the shower and keeping it to yourself."
"I wasn't hiding. I was thinking."
"For you, the two have the same meaning when you're upset."
"You noticed that?"
Mohinder chuckles as Matt leans up to kiss him. "Of course." His expression becomes serious again. "You can talk to me. I'm not always optimistic about the way our world is, but I can certainly help you... well, as much as I can anyway."
"You shouldn't have to listen to me bitch about how fucked up this city is."
"Of course I should." Mohinder tells him sternly. "If I didn't think I should be there for you when you needed me, then we wouldn't be sharing this bed and you certainly wouldn't have my heart and I wouldn't have yours. I love you, Matthew and if that means I shouldn't worry about what's going on inside that head of yours that leads to you hide from me in the shower, of all places, then we have some issues we need to work through."
It is exactly those words that has Mohinder on his back in less than a second. Matt is kissing his lover fiercely and he's wondering how the hell he got so fucking lucky to have this man's love. "I love you, too. So much."
You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe
They spend hours in their bed, making love and exploring each other like they use to when their relationship was still so new and still so fragile. As they lay spent in each other's arms, Matt can't help but be thankful for the man beside him. There are days when he simply wants to crawl back into bed and avoid the hell that is New York City and there are days when he wishes he had the ability to go nuclear like Ted and watch the city go up in flames. But then he wouldn't have Molly and he wouldn't have Mohinder and now he understands that despite the never ending crime in this city, it doesn't compare to not having his family.
Matt also understands that he will eventually fuck this all up, because after all, he is a Parkman and the Parkman family doesn't exactly have the best track record. But for now, none of that matters because he has the love of one good man and the love of a beautiful little girl who still thinks of him as her hero and if he can hold off on fucking it all up, then maybe he can be better than his father. And maybe, just maybe, if he accomplishes that then he can save the world.