i killed a cat.
I need to write this as soon as possible, before i forget. At 5:45 pm, i ran over a cat on broadway & encinita. I saw it when it was too late to brake. After i ran over it, i saw it run away, so i thought maybe i had just injured it. I pulled over my car, got out of my car, and looked for it. And i saw it lying in someone's driveway. When i went over to it, i saw blood coming out of its mouth, i put it, hoping it would show some sign of life, but it didn't. So i picked it up and these two girls were across the street who had seen the whole thing, i asked them if they knew who's cat this was, and they started to cry as they said it was theirs. The cat jerked in my arms, so i told them to follow me to the animal hospital.
I ran to my car and sped to the animal hospital. I pet the cat as i was driving there, hoping that it was still alive. i ran into the hospital and i told them i had just run over the cat, and as soon as i gave it to the nurse, i started to cry. The girls came in after a minute after i did, and they told us to wait in the room. As we were waiting, another nurse told us to fill out papers and then the nurse from before came in and said that the cat couldn't be revived and asked if we wanted them to continue to try. I angrily told them to try whatever because they were fucking wasting time asking if we wanted anything else when they should have already been trying that shit.
The nurses leave the room and it's just me and these two girls. They're crying and the cat's blood is on my arm. As i wash it off, i try to think of something i can say that would comfort them, but there's absolutely nothing i can say that would comfort them. If i were in their position, i know that no words could make me feel better. I just stood there as they cried. I cried, but i was so mad that i was crying. Why would i have the right to cry when i just ran over their cat. I apologize to them, and they say it's okay and they thank me for pulling over to see if the cat was okay. I feel so bad that they're not even mad at me.
The nurses ask who is going to pay, and i say i'll pay for everything, and after they decide that they want to have him in a community cremation, i go pay for everything. And when i go back to apologize and say goodbye, they offer to give me their e-mail so that they can pay for half of it. How could i possibly accept that, i tell them that it would be unfair of me and i apologize and leave.
As i drive home, i just cry profusely. I realize that this is entirely my fault. i know that i couldn't have stopped in time, but if i hadn't been such a selfish driver, if i had let another person go before me at the stop sign, this would have never happened. If i would have remembered to drop off the forms that my mom had asked me to drop off, this would have never happened. Even after i ran over him, why did i pull over so slowly? why did i walk there? why did i fucking lag it. I should have just fucking ran out of my car, and taken him to the animal hospital. I should have tried reviving him. I shouldn't have been the slow ass person that i am.
i feel awful. i feel awful that i killed the cat, that i ruined these girls' lives. i ruined all the relationships that the cat had with other animals and other people.
i went home and cried. and i hit myself and cried. i prayed for the cat and the girls. and i cried. i held lucky, thankful that he was still alive after all those times he'd run away. and i cried. i'm still crying. i'm sorry for changing tenses so much.
I ran to my car and sped to the animal hospital. I pet the cat as i was driving there, hoping that it was still alive. i ran into the hospital and i told them i had just run over the cat, and as soon as i gave it to the nurse, i started to cry. The girls came in after a minute after i did, and they told us to wait in the room. As we were waiting, another nurse told us to fill out papers and then the nurse from before came in and said that the cat couldn't be revived and asked if we wanted them to continue to try. I angrily told them to try whatever because they were fucking wasting time asking if we wanted anything else when they should have already been trying that shit.
The nurses leave the room and it's just me and these two girls. They're crying and the cat's blood is on my arm. As i wash it off, i try to think of something i can say that would comfort them, but there's absolutely nothing i can say that would comfort them. If i were in their position, i know that no words could make me feel better. I just stood there as they cried. I cried, but i was so mad that i was crying. Why would i have the right to cry when i just ran over their cat. I apologize to them, and they say it's okay and they thank me for pulling over to see if the cat was okay. I feel so bad that they're not even mad at me.
The nurses ask who is going to pay, and i say i'll pay for everything, and after they decide that they want to have him in a community cremation, i go pay for everything. And when i go back to apologize and say goodbye, they offer to give me their e-mail so that they can pay for half of it. How could i possibly accept that, i tell them that it would be unfair of me and i apologize and leave.
As i drive home, i just cry profusely. I realize that this is entirely my fault. i know that i couldn't have stopped in time, but if i hadn't been such a selfish driver, if i had let another person go before me at the stop sign, this would have never happened. If i would have remembered to drop off the forms that my mom had asked me to drop off, this would have never happened. Even after i ran over him, why did i pull over so slowly? why did i walk there? why did i fucking lag it. I should have just fucking ran out of my car, and taken him to the animal hospital. I should have tried reviving him. I shouldn't have been the slow ass person that i am.
i feel awful. i feel awful that i killed the cat, that i ruined these girls' lives. i ruined all the relationships that the cat had with other animals and other people.
i went home and cried. and i hit myself and cried. i prayed for the cat and the girls. and i cried. i held lucky, thankful that he was still alive after all those times he'd run away. and i cried. i'm still crying. i'm sorry for changing tenses so much.