speechless

[m1y4v1]

havn't been posting in a while..and i feel like lj is one of the few places i can post knowing no one really reads this but myself....maybe a few years from now and i look back at this i can see how childish i was or how cold hearted... but right now i feel like i don't have the capacity to sympathize with other people, their misfortunes... some girl just died in a car crash ....when i read the news i was just like "oh" and nothing more...and all the messages and posts on fb is irritating but i simply take a glimpse and move on...and all the kids talking about the pain and all the crying ... when is it going to end...is this a bad thing... if i sacrificed my ability to feel for happiness m i wrong...if i m ...then does that mean i have to be sad.... i don't know...maybe i turned off the ability to feel long time ago when i promised myself...i am never letting anyone let me down again....so now all the emotions i experience are selfish ones i feel bad, sad, happy, bored and all the various feelings for something that I did ...and the only emotion i can feel for someone else is anger frustration ...either that...or nothing at all...completely neutral... if i don't love you i don't hate you either ...u r just there.... some people i feel close to because they make me frustrated less frequently so we get along more.... i find myself unable to join conversations not because i don't want to ...but because there is nothing interesting to say or talk about......so why did i want to make this post......recently i took a test about my strengths and weaknesses....it says i lack ability to love and be loved....then it hits me....i will be alone this life time because i can't love anyone anymore and i don't want to be loved because i don't deserve to....

borderline acting out again? lolx...