oh my, how the time went by.
so i guess its been awhile since i last updated... and im sure this will be a post with a lot of random thoughts... but here goes.
i like to think of myself as a nice person. i dont feel i cause much drama or let too many people down. if youre my friend then you can count on me. i really care more about my friends being happy than making myself happy. i think its because my friends mean the world to me and their happiness directly effects my happiness so somewhere in my mind its made up that as long as my friends are happy ill stay happy. im fair. im balanced. im somewhat of a perfectionist when it comes to something i like but i havnt seen that side of myself in awhile. im pretty unmotivated in life as a whole. i try to better myself but i cant. i tend to hide how i really feel, always have. ive realized thats a pretty big problem. all at once i opened up to everyone, let my guard down, and i feel all it really did was let anyone who felt like it come in... whether that was good/bad im not sure. im fairly popular. i have alot of friends but few i should actually call friends. either way, im lonely. this is mainly because A: the above mentioned problem of "hiding how i really feel" and B: the places/circumstances i meet women. ive loved, ive lost, and i think knowing how good it CAN be is what drives me most nuts. i want someone that i can make feel special. i want someone who asks me for help even if they could take care of it themselves. i want to be able to bring someone something as insignificant as a purple crayon yet they would treat it as if it were the most important thing ever. im living up to a stereotyped expectation of a 23 year old, G.E.D. recipient, emo kid. ive recently got back into music which i feel should be a highpoint of my life again. music for musics sake with one of my best friends. ive moved out of the apartment in dublin to a half double on summit. the new place is great and we will soon be having people over for euchre. (call me if you wanna come over. if you dont have my number i prolly dont want you coming anyway.) i appreciate a lot of the same things as everyone else. i like to get a phone call/text/instant message just to say hello. i like to be invited places, even if i cant/dont go. i like mail, even if i dont send you mail. call me if you want to brag about good news. call me if you want to bitch about something. call me if you want my opinion. call me if you just wanna tell me how to be a better friend. honestly, just typing all this out has already made me feel better and i think thats why i still have a live journal. i think ill just cut it off here before this gets too out of control.
i like to think of myself as a nice person. i dont feel i cause much drama or let too many people down. if youre my friend then you can count on me. i really care more about my friends being happy than making myself happy. i think its because my friends mean the world to me and their happiness directly effects my happiness so somewhere in my mind its made up that as long as my friends are happy ill stay happy. im fair. im balanced. im somewhat of a perfectionist when it comes to something i like but i havnt seen that side of myself in awhile. im pretty unmotivated in life as a whole. i try to better myself but i cant. i tend to hide how i really feel, always have. ive realized thats a pretty big problem. all at once i opened up to everyone, let my guard down, and i feel all it really did was let anyone who felt like it come in... whether that was good/bad im not sure. im fairly popular. i have alot of friends but few i should actually call friends. either way, im lonely. this is mainly because A: the above mentioned problem of "hiding how i really feel" and B: the places/circumstances i meet women. ive loved, ive lost, and i think knowing how good it CAN be is what drives me most nuts. i want someone that i can make feel special. i want someone who asks me for help even if they could take care of it themselves. i want to be able to bring someone something as insignificant as a purple crayon yet they would treat it as if it were the most important thing ever. im living up to a stereotyped expectation of a 23 year old, G.E.D. recipient, emo kid. ive recently got back into music which i feel should be a highpoint of my life again. music for musics sake with one of my best friends. ive moved out of the apartment in dublin to a half double on summit. the new place is great and we will soon be having people over for euchre. (call me if you wanna come over. if you dont have my number i prolly dont want you coming anyway.) i appreciate a lot of the same things as everyone else. i like to get a phone call/text/instant message just to say hello. i like to be invited places, even if i cant/dont go. i like mail, even if i dont send you mail. call me if you want to brag about good news. call me if you want to bitch about something. call me if you want my opinion. call me if you just wanna tell me how to be a better friend. honestly, just typing all this out has already made me feel better and i think thats why i still have a live journal. i think ill just cut it off here before this gets too out of control.