Everything was getting better...what happened?
time. 11. 17 pm
day. sunday
tunes. marylin manson - sweet dreams
talking to. israel and EVAN!!! he's so fucking rad. lmfao.. we're trading videos of us making out with our bf/gf :D so fun ;)
feeling. disappointed and annoyed
Just as I thought it was about to start getting better. BAH! David did pick me up Friday after school. That was a good thing. He was with Cliff and Jake. So I didn't act like too big of a bitch. I was screaming about how gay our principle was though. :D We went to my house, put my stuff up, put on make up because I cried it all off in first period. I called my dad and told him I was going to Kirksville with David. I had to feed Avery, my dog, and put the trash cans back in the garage. Then we left. When we got back, first place we went was Kat's house. How annoying. LoL.Yeah, but it means a lot to David that I get along with her, so I tried. We were over there for just about the whole night. We went back home(his apartment) about 8 or so and took a bath together. My back was hurting like a mother fucker because of weight lifting. He made the water really hot and gave me a back rub while we were in there. :D Twas nice. Then we went back to Kats for awhile. When we came back it was about 11 or so and we .. well yeah ;D You prolly don't need details. But it was.. very nice. LoL!!!!!!!!! Eh, Saturday we got up early and took a shower together, soapy is nice ;) We had to be back at my house by at least 10 30 am because we were leaving at 11 to go to STL for a baseball game. STL agains the Houston Astros. I didn't really watch it. It was David's first pro- baseball game though. So I let him watch it. It was pretty cool. I enjoyed it. He stayed the night with me. We teased eachother the whole way back to my house and when we got here, ... yeah ;) LMFAO! We're animals. What can I say? But yeah. Today when I woke up, he was all cuddley and it was nice. I loved it. Even though sense I'm not a morning person I bitched a little because it's annoying to start waking up at 6 am when you didnt go to bed til 1!. LoL. So yeah. We got up, dressed and whatnot, then around 11 went to Kirksville. We got there around noon I think and ate lunch at Micky D's. When we left we had no idea what the hell we were gonna go do. So, on the way, we saw this bucket roll into the street. I yelled "HIT IT!" and he did. We both went histerical laughing and shit and I told him to go run over a couple garbage cans. LoL. So he went to this street where theres always a lot of them on the side of the road and bashed a bunch. Then my bright self asked him to go get Jake so we could go smash trash cans with him. Yeah, we spent most of the day there. The only reason we left when we did, about 15 til 4 was because we started fighting. I ended up slitting my wrists a bunch of times and he got freaky. I couldn't even think straight I was panicking and freaking out and.. I just lost it. I remembered seeing a razor in the battery part of my portable cd player. So when he turned around and walked off to Kat's house, I got up and ran to his car, got it and as he was coming out of the front door, I was walking away from his car, cutting myself. I ended up down the block sitting under a tree still cutting and bleeding all over. He drove down the block and stopped infront of me. He didn't even realize I had done it until I looked up at him with tears in my eyes. He kept telling me to get in and I wouldn't do it. So he got out and took my razor blade. He bent it and through it away. I cried all the way back to his apartment. Had a majorly horrible panic attack, slipped in and out of conciousness for awhile. I kept waking up to him shaking me and begging me to talk to him. He just kept telling me he loves me and stuff. I don't know how he could, but yeah. When he drove me back, I recuperated (sp?)and tried to tell him what happened. He knew, but he wanted me to talk. I was having major troubles making out words. I was so fucked up. He wouldn't stay with me when we got back to my house. It aggrivated the piss out of me. But I understood him. He just needs time to think about stuff. He called about 15 minutes after he left like he said he was going to, and had to call back about 10 minutes later because he had no reception on his phone. We talked for a few minutes awkwardly and he said he had to call his mom back and get something to eat and he would call back. He hasn't yet. But he's supposed to come over after he gets off work tomorrow. His first day at Galloway Lumber Yard. Eh. Money's money I guess. And I gave him 6$ for gas today. AND bought him lunch. LoL. That's what started our fight. Money. FUCK MONEY GOD DAMN IT!
The moral of the story boys and gals is that we were ok all weekend until today. Which really blew my fucking boat! He seemed to really mean it this time though when he said he wanted us to work this all out. So, I hope he actually tries. I love him too much to lose him.
...signing off...
day. sunday
tunes. marylin manson - sweet dreams
talking to. israel and EVAN!!! he's so fucking rad. lmfao.. we're trading videos of us making out with our bf/gf :D so fun ;)
feeling. disappointed and annoyed
Just as I thought it was about to start getting better. BAH! David did pick me up Friday after school. That was a good thing. He was with Cliff and Jake. So I didn't act like too big of a bitch. I was screaming about how gay our principle was though. :D We went to my house, put my stuff up, put on make up because I cried it all off in first period. I called my dad and told him I was going to Kirksville with David. I had to feed Avery, my dog, and put the trash cans back in the garage. Then we left. When we got back, first place we went was Kat's house. How annoying. LoL.Yeah, but it means a lot to David that I get along with her, so I tried. We were over there for just about the whole night. We went back home(his apartment) about 8 or so and took a bath together. My back was hurting like a mother fucker because of weight lifting. He made the water really hot and gave me a back rub while we were in there. :D Twas nice. Then we went back to Kats for awhile. When we came back it was about 11 or so and we .. well yeah ;D You prolly don't need details. But it was.. very nice. LoL!!!!!!!!! Eh, Saturday we got up early and took a shower together, soapy is nice ;) We had to be back at my house by at least 10 30 am because we were leaving at 11 to go to STL for a baseball game. STL agains the Houston Astros. I didn't really watch it. It was David's first pro- baseball game though. So I let him watch it. It was pretty cool. I enjoyed it. He stayed the night with me. We teased eachother the whole way back to my house and when we got here, ... yeah ;) LMFAO! We're animals. What can I say? But yeah. Today when I woke up, he was all cuddley and it was nice. I loved it. Even though sense I'm not a morning person I bitched a little because it's annoying to start waking up at 6 am when you didnt go to bed til 1!. LoL. So yeah. We got up, dressed and whatnot, then around 11 went to Kirksville. We got there around noon I think and ate lunch at Micky D's. When we left we had no idea what the hell we were gonna go do. So, on the way, we saw this bucket roll into the street. I yelled "HIT IT!" and he did. We both went histerical laughing and shit and I told him to go run over a couple garbage cans. LoL. So he went to this street where theres always a lot of them on the side of the road and bashed a bunch. Then my bright self asked him to go get Jake so we could go smash trash cans with him. Yeah, we spent most of the day there. The only reason we left when we did, about 15 til 4 was because we started fighting. I ended up slitting my wrists a bunch of times and he got freaky. I couldn't even think straight I was panicking and freaking out and.. I just lost it. I remembered seeing a razor in the battery part of my portable cd player. So when he turned around and walked off to Kat's house, I got up and ran to his car, got it and as he was coming out of the front door, I was walking away from his car, cutting myself. I ended up down the block sitting under a tree still cutting and bleeding all over. He drove down the block and stopped infront of me. He didn't even realize I had done it until I looked up at him with tears in my eyes. He kept telling me to get in and I wouldn't do it. So he got out and took my razor blade. He bent it and through it away. I cried all the way back to his apartment. Had a majorly horrible panic attack, slipped in and out of conciousness for awhile. I kept waking up to him shaking me and begging me to talk to him. He just kept telling me he loves me and stuff. I don't know how he could, but yeah. When he drove me back, I recuperated (sp?)and tried to tell him what happened. He knew, but he wanted me to talk. I was having major troubles making out words. I was so fucked up. He wouldn't stay with me when we got back to my house. It aggrivated the piss out of me. But I understood him. He just needs time to think about stuff. He called about 15 minutes after he left like he said he was going to, and had to call back about 10 minutes later because he had no reception on his phone. We talked for a few minutes awkwardly and he said he had to call his mom back and get something to eat and he would call back. He hasn't yet. But he's supposed to come over after he gets off work tomorrow. His first day at Galloway Lumber Yard. Eh. Money's money I guess. And I gave him 6$ for gas today. AND bought him lunch. LoL. That's what started our fight. Money. FUCK MONEY GOD DAMN IT!
The moral of the story boys and gals is that we were ok all weekend until today. Which really blew my fucking boat! He seemed to really mean it this time though when he said he wanted us to work this all out. So, I hope he actually tries. I love him too much to lose him.
...signing off...