Losing Myself Again

[m0rbid42o]

Well, here I go. Wait, where did I go? Fuck it. I'm depressed again. I had an ok last couple days. Just because insomnia has kept me up sooo much that the less sleep I get, the more hyper I come off as. When I'm hyper, I laugh a lot and it makes me appear to be happy. Which in reality, is false, because I'm rarely ever, truely happy. I guess at this point I'm more confused about my love life than anything. I love Tim with all my heart. Then I keep thinking about Kyle McCall. Hes such a lap dog, but I can't help but miss him. At one point, we thought I was pregnant, yeah sounds bad but I wasn't. Thank God. But during that time, he was soooooooo sweet. He would give me back rubs and shit. I dunno, it was just cool. Yet, I can't do anything cause I haven't really been able to give Tim a real chance yet. So, I'm really excited about June. Cause that's when he's coming up. 2 Weeks together. hopefully something comes of it. He just needs the chance to show me what he's REALLY like. I mean, I know him almost as good as he knows himself. But I haven't really had any time to see what he's like in person other than that at the concert that I met him at. And that was like, what, 3 hours? Not nearly enough time.
But god damn it, guys and my love life aren't all thats making me like this. I wish I could put it all into words.

Thoughts:

I feel cheated
deprived
loose
unwanted
unloved
alone
left behind
fake
depressed
cut out
broken
shitty
useless
What the hell am I even here for? Whats my purpose? Fuck life. Death owns.