♥ 115 - I miss you
um, I'm still in block D: it's written so simply and so bad -.- because I was suddenly inspired by, you know, Jungsoo's cyworld that he posted a KangTeuk picture there >__<;;
anyway, Happy Birthday Knagin :D
[Fic] I miss you (Super Junior, Eeteuk/Kangin, alpha #13)
Fandom: Super Junior
Title: I miss you
Author: amine87
Theme: Alpha #13. The best time @ 30smiles
Pairing/Characters: Eeteuk/Kangin
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I own no one and nothing but the plot.
Summary: Because Jungsoo posted KangTeuk pic in his cyworld xD~
Warning: unbetaed. Kind of angst (?). Fail 1st POV ;__;
I miss you.
Perhaps you don’t know it, perhaps you don’t even realize it, perhaps you don’t even notice how I behave rather strangely these days. Perhaps you didn’t see when I misremembered Hyukjae’s schedule two days ago that he even got reprimanded for being one hour late in the studio (I can still feel his accusing eyes on me although I was like… I had apologized thousand times before). Perhaps you didn’t know that I directed Sungmin’s question to Heechul instead of answering it by myself.
Perhaps you don’t even notice how strained my laughs were and how forced my smiles were these days.
I miss you.
Last night I forgot one basic thing I’ve learnt so much for years. I forgot to smile, earning those staring eyes upon me and harsh whispers on my back, which I realized them just too late. I did indeed know I missed something; that I needed to do something, which was indeed the most basic thing to do.
I forgot it.
This morning, I even forgot to take my cell with me while leaving for the studio (Jongwoon passed it to me two hours later when he arrived, I checked and there was nothing missed except a miss call from Hyukjae -perhaps, he just tried to find it). I kept staring at the screen for like continuous minute.
I know you are busy. I always know how packed your schedules are. Sometimes, no, lots of times, I wonder why you accept them, why you accept all of it, without even talking about it with me.
Do you think it’s funny to make fun of Jongwoon because his not-so-packed schedule compared to yours? Do you think it’s a way of piling up money for your marriage one day later? Do you think it’s a way to make people acknowledge how strong, how capable you are? Do you think it’s a way of attracting women in all places?
You must be wrong. You probably have thought of marriage, but marriage is not all about money and fame. I know it’s indeed to fast, that it’s too early for me to lecture you about marriage, but I just want you to know, spending all your time working is not an excuse for women. Well, guess it’s time for me to stop rambling about your marriage.
Do you think it’s handsome to have those black eyebags under your dark eyes? Do you think it’s because you are strong, just as strong as your name tell us? Do you know that you are strong because of what you are and not because of what you do? Do you know that even the strongest person needs a rest?
You have to stop this one day. I’m not saying that you have to stop something you do enjoy -in the opposite, I will support you. Yes, I promise myself I will support you, as far as I can. I’m just saying that sometimes you have to take a break, you should take a time just for sitting under the sunlight with a cup of tea on your side.
I don’t care if you plan to do it with your future wife. I don’t care if you plan to spend your day off with the girl of your dream. I don’t even care if you plan to spend all your whole life with the girl you want to be with.
I just want you to be happy.
I just want to see you smile, as always. I just want to see your real smile, I just want to hear your real laughs, I just want to see you happy.
Breaking my thoughts, I shut my cell off and tried to shift my attention back to the recording. Smile, I always tell myself, I have to smile because that’s what I’ve been trained for.
---
I miss you.
It is a rare day off, and now I am laying on my bed, staring at the screen of my phone. I hesitate for a second; should I call you? Should I check on you if you’ve had your breakfast? Should I check on you if you’ve behaved well enough in the scene?
No, I tell myself, you must be busy, so I just open the text message and type some strings of words. I won’t disturb your scene, you can always check on my message later, because you have more important things to do right now, right?
Treat her nicely, I say (I hope you know whom I refer to). I know you’re kind of relax around her that I see your smile a lot, but can I say that you don’t smile honest enough? There is that look in your eyes; the look you’ve always displayed when you’re just in so-so condition. A little flirt here and there, fake marriage, I can see that expression in your eyes. You’re not a good actor, you know that? You don’t hide your feelings well enough, well, at least for me, because I think no one else notices that.
I miss you.
Perhaps you don’t know that, I know I’ve been all hiding it, and I hope I’m quite good actor unlike you. This morning I dropped by downstairs and saw Hyukjae and Sungmin cuddled happily on the couch with that anime movie on the television, and I smile, honestly, because they know well enough that they need to rest. I noticed how Sungmin stared at me, and I know he didn’t notice anything different with me, despite the fact of how sharp he is usually.
I can even fool Heechul, you know how he always knows everything right? Well, almost everything, because I’m sure that he doesn’t know how much I miss you.
I am thinking if this is healthy. This suppression is too much right? I need to get it out somewhere without other people knowing. I have to be strong either, I am a leader, and if I can take care of you, I should be able to take care of myself. It’s just that sometimes I’m tired, so writing is one way of expressing my feelings.
I don’t know what forces bring me to look for our picture together or what in hell makes me to even post our picture together in my cyworld.
Why? I have no idea.
To show the world that I miss you? A picture speaks a thousand words, and I hope you know that (I know other people know how bad I miss you, it is too explicit).
I miss you with all my heart.
I always think of you when I wake up every morning, and I always thank Him for keeping you safe as always. I always think of you when I bath, have you bathed this morning? I always think of you when I have my breakfast, have you had yours? I always think of you when I see our other mates, looking for a trace of you (I know you’re busy and you’re not here anyway, but somehow I always do that).
I don’t care if the whole world knows.
I just want you to notice, please, just once in a lifetime, make a call when you’re busy. Or at least, text me and tell me that you’re fine. I know it’s not right to demand you to do those things because you have commitments; it’s just a part of my ego wanting you to remember me.
Please notice me, I would always want to tell you, but I’ve never said so.
Only this piece of paper knows what I am thinking or how much I miss you. It sounds cliché right? I know no man would be desperate enough to tell all his feelings on paper, but I can tell I’m that desperate to write this every minute I miss you.
I can only tell you that I will support you. I can only tell you that I care about you. I don’t tell you how much I will support you, I don’t tell you how much I care about you. Those are things I will just keep for myself and this piece of paper. I don’t want you to know and I don’t want others to worry about me. I am a leader, I don’t need to make my members worry right?
Okay, I’ve been spending almost one hour. But I know I will see you soon, and we’ll go straight to China after I pick you up, right? I’ll wish you a happy early birthday too, because I know you want it that way.
I will see you and I will smile. As always.
---
You lost your grip, you lost your strength and you let that thin book dropped to the floor. Korea Number One Strong Man would never cry, you always told yourself, but you just couldn’t prevent your tears from slipping from the corner of your eyes.
It’s too much, you knew it, it is just too much.
Youngwoon-hyung? Where are you know?
Your eyes wandered everywhere but to the only figure on the bed. White, it was all white, and you’ve never thought you would come to this place ever again after two years back. But now, there you were, and you still remembered how much you hated to be here, just like in the past.
I’m taking a cab home, Jungsu-hyung didn’t come, I’ve been waiting for almost an hour.
Tubes and cables and tubes and cables. Red and white and green and yellow. You felt your head spinning and you swallowed your gulp, trying to stand firm. Your hands clenched on the white metallic steel on the side of the bed, and you couldn’t help your eyes from shifting back to the face, once beautiful, now bandaged firmly with those tons of cables around.
There was an accident… (it rose your heartbeats thousand times faster) Go to the national hospital now, hyung. We’re here already.
You sank down to your knees. Who knows what would happen next? You know he’s always been supporting you, and he only needs a call from you during your packed filmings. But why you’ve never done so? You know how much he cares about you, and you only need to call him once, you only need to tell him once.
He was on the way to your place when a truck slipped because of snow.
But you’ve never done so.
You looked back on the white covered book next to you. You thought he posted your picture together for a prank, because it’s a fan service. You didn’t think much of that.
I would always want to tell you
but I’ve never said so.
.fin.
Started/finished: 2009.01.17
I’ve told suju13 that it would become an angst, and here it is, it’s her fault for insisting me to continue D: SO yeah, this is a fail because (1) I fail in writing descriptions (2) I fail in writing 1st POV (3) I just fail so D:
anyway, Happy Birthday Knagin :D
[Fic] I miss you (Super Junior, Eeteuk/Kangin, alpha #13)
Fandom: Super Junior
Title: I miss you
Author: amine87
Theme: Alpha #13. The best time @ 30smiles
Pairing/Characters: Eeteuk/Kangin
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I own no one and nothing but the plot.
Summary: Because Jungsoo posted KangTeuk pic in his cyworld xD~
Warning: unbetaed. Kind of angst (?). Fail 1st POV ;__;
I miss you.
Perhaps you don’t know it, perhaps you don’t even realize it, perhaps you don’t even notice how I behave rather strangely these days. Perhaps you didn’t see when I misremembered Hyukjae’s schedule two days ago that he even got reprimanded for being one hour late in the studio (I can still feel his accusing eyes on me although I was like… I had apologized thousand times before). Perhaps you didn’t know that I directed Sungmin’s question to Heechul instead of answering it by myself.
Perhaps you don’t even notice how strained my laughs were and how forced my smiles were these days.
I miss you.
Last night I forgot one basic thing I’ve learnt so much for years. I forgot to smile, earning those staring eyes upon me and harsh whispers on my back, which I realized them just too late. I did indeed know I missed something; that I needed to do something, which was indeed the most basic thing to do.
I forgot it.
This morning, I even forgot to take my cell with me while leaving for the studio (Jongwoon passed it to me two hours later when he arrived, I checked and there was nothing missed except a miss call from Hyukjae -perhaps, he just tried to find it). I kept staring at the screen for like continuous minute.
I know you are busy. I always know how packed your schedules are. Sometimes, no, lots of times, I wonder why you accept them, why you accept all of it, without even talking about it with me.
Do you think it’s funny to make fun of Jongwoon because his not-so-packed schedule compared to yours? Do you think it’s a way of piling up money for your marriage one day later? Do you think it’s a way to make people acknowledge how strong, how capable you are? Do you think it’s a way of attracting women in all places?
You must be wrong. You probably have thought of marriage, but marriage is not all about money and fame. I know it’s indeed to fast, that it’s too early for me to lecture you about marriage, but I just want you to know, spending all your time working is not an excuse for women. Well, guess it’s time for me to stop rambling about your marriage.
Do you think it’s handsome to have those black eyebags under your dark eyes? Do you think it’s because you are strong, just as strong as your name tell us? Do you know that you are strong because of what you are and not because of what you do? Do you know that even the strongest person needs a rest?
You have to stop this one day. I’m not saying that you have to stop something you do enjoy -in the opposite, I will support you. Yes, I promise myself I will support you, as far as I can. I’m just saying that sometimes you have to take a break, you should take a time just for sitting under the sunlight with a cup of tea on your side.
I don’t care if you plan to do it with your future wife. I don’t care if you plan to spend your day off with the girl of your dream. I don’t even care if you plan to spend all your whole life with the girl you want to be with.
I just want you to be happy.
I just want to see you smile, as always. I just want to see your real smile, I just want to hear your real laughs, I just want to see you happy.
Breaking my thoughts, I shut my cell off and tried to shift my attention back to the recording. Smile, I always tell myself, I have to smile because that’s what I’ve been trained for.
---
I miss you.
It is a rare day off, and now I am laying on my bed, staring at the screen of my phone. I hesitate for a second; should I call you? Should I check on you if you’ve had your breakfast? Should I check on you if you’ve behaved well enough in the scene?
No, I tell myself, you must be busy, so I just open the text message and type some strings of words. I won’t disturb your scene, you can always check on my message later, because you have more important things to do right now, right?
Treat her nicely, I say (I hope you know whom I refer to). I know you’re kind of relax around her that I see your smile a lot, but can I say that you don’t smile honest enough? There is that look in your eyes; the look you’ve always displayed when you’re just in so-so condition. A little flirt here and there, fake marriage, I can see that expression in your eyes. You’re not a good actor, you know that? You don’t hide your feelings well enough, well, at least for me, because I think no one else notices that.
I miss you.
Perhaps you don’t know that, I know I’ve been all hiding it, and I hope I’m quite good actor unlike you. This morning I dropped by downstairs and saw Hyukjae and Sungmin cuddled happily on the couch with that anime movie on the television, and I smile, honestly, because they know well enough that they need to rest. I noticed how Sungmin stared at me, and I know he didn’t notice anything different with me, despite the fact of how sharp he is usually.
I can even fool Heechul, you know how he always knows everything right? Well, almost everything, because I’m sure that he doesn’t know how much I miss you.
I am thinking if this is healthy. This suppression is too much right? I need to get it out somewhere without other people knowing. I have to be strong either, I am a leader, and if I can take care of you, I should be able to take care of myself. It’s just that sometimes I’m tired, so writing is one way of expressing my feelings.
I don’t know what forces bring me to look for our picture together or what in hell makes me to even post our picture together in my cyworld.
Why? I have no idea.
To show the world that I miss you? A picture speaks a thousand words, and I hope you know that (I know other people know how bad I miss you, it is too explicit).
I miss you with all my heart.
I always think of you when I wake up every morning, and I always thank Him for keeping you safe as always. I always think of you when I bath, have you bathed this morning? I always think of you when I have my breakfast, have you had yours? I always think of you when I see our other mates, looking for a trace of you (I know you’re busy and you’re not here anyway, but somehow I always do that).
I don’t care if the whole world knows.
I just want you to notice, please, just once in a lifetime, make a call when you’re busy. Or at least, text me and tell me that you’re fine. I know it’s not right to demand you to do those things because you have commitments; it’s just a part of my ego wanting you to remember me.
Please notice me, I would always want to tell you, but I’ve never said so.
Only this piece of paper knows what I am thinking or how much I miss you. It sounds cliché right? I know no man would be desperate enough to tell all his feelings on paper, but I can tell I’m that desperate to write this every minute I miss you.
I can only tell you that I will support you. I can only tell you that I care about you. I don’t tell you how much I will support you, I don’t tell you how much I care about you. Those are things I will just keep for myself and this piece of paper. I don’t want you to know and I don’t want others to worry about me. I am a leader, I don’t need to make my members worry right?
Okay, I’ve been spending almost one hour. But I know I will see you soon, and we’ll go straight to China after I pick you up, right? I’ll wish you a happy early birthday too, because I know you want it that way.
I will see you and I will smile. As always.
---
You lost your grip, you lost your strength and you let that thin book dropped to the floor. Korea Number One Strong Man would never cry, you always told yourself, but you just couldn’t prevent your tears from slipping from the corner of your eyes.
It’s too much, you knew it, it is just too much.
Youngwoon-hyung? Where are you know?
Your eyes wandered everywhere but to the only figure on the bed. White, it was all white, and you’ve never thought you would come to this place ever again after two years back. But now, there you were, and you still remembered how much you hated to be here, just like in the past.
I’m taking a cab home, Jungsu-hyung didn’t come, I’ve been waiting for almost an hour.
Tubes and cables and tubes and cables. Red and white and green and yellow. You felt your head spinning and you swallowed your gulp, trying to stand firm. Your hands clenched on the white metallic steel on the side of the bed, and you couldn’t help your eyes from shifting back to the face, once beautiful, now bandaged firmly with those tons of cables around.
There was an accident… (it rose your heartbeats thousand times faster) Go to the national hospital now, hyung. We’re here already.
You sank down to your knees. Who knows what would happen next? You know he’s always been supporting you, and he only needs a call from you during your packed filmings. But why you’ve never done so? You know how much he cares about you, and you only need to call him once, you only need to tell him once.
He was on the way to your place when a truck slipped because of snow.
But you’ve never done so.
You looked back on the white covered book next to you. You thought he posted your picture together for a prank, because it’s a fan service. You didn’t think much of that.
I would always want to tell you
but I’ve never said so.
.fin.
Started/finished: 2009.01.17
I’ve told suju13 that it would become an angst, and here it is, it’s her fault for insisting me to continue D: SO yeah, this is a fail because (1) I fail in writing descriptions (2) I fail in writing 1st POV (3) I just fail so D: