(no subject)

Apr 03, 2006 17:16

used to think you were everything.
now i think that's funny... hurts just a little... but it's funny.

i see you walk by and i think, just for a minute how close we once were. all that i gave you... all that we shared. i think of the things i told you and did with you that i will never again and how i loved you. all of you. so terribly much and so completely that it actually psyically hurt. and then... i think of now. and i laugh.
i must have been childish and immature. to think anything that good could have come to me that swiftly.
sucks. it felt so real.
like how, sometimes, if i haven't seen or read from/about you at all in a couple days i'll wonder if you're still alive... and then i'll see you. attempt communication. and then think. wow. fuck you.

you don't miss me because i never was anything to you. except what i did. and because i do nothing now, because i am not in your life and am nothing. totally.

as much as i want you back... i don't at all.
you were not a good friend to me. you lowered my self-esteem and made me feel unloveable... and you hurt me. romantically and friendsip-wise.
i love you. deeply.
but i won't go there again.

casual would be too close.

i'm sorry we wasted so much of eachothers' time.

at least now my bullshit is over though. and we're both free of all of it.
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