(no subject)
you know when something bad happens...
but you just turn away, and dance as far from people as possible in your head, spinning so fast their faces are nothing more than a blur, and their voices totally impossible to understand...
i'm doing that. with you three.
mostly, you two.
i'm just too tired of living and trying so hard... to try now.
if any of you cared... things would be different.
i love you anyway.
i'm just too exhausted right now... maybe one day.
for the first time in my life...
suicide doesn't sound so stupid... or selfish...
and that scares me.
it sucks being scared -alone. and with no one to really bother with worrying. or no one with any reason to.
i pitty people who spend time pretending to care.
whatever. things are better now, in letting go, than ever before.
i suppose mom's situation has made me an expert.
the trick is to know what is worth hanging onto, despite nothing hanging onto you...
fuck it.
i have work to do.
but you just turn away, and dance as far from people as possible in your head, spinning so fast their faces are nothing more than a blur, and their voices totally impossible to understand...
i'm doing that. with you three.
mostly, you two.
i'm just too tired of living and trying so hard... to try now.
if any of you cared... things would be different.
i love you anyway.
i'm just too exhausted right now... maybe one day.
for the first time in my life...
suicide doesn't sound so stupid... or selfish...
and that scares me.
it sucks being scared -alone. and with no one to really bother with worrying. or no one with any reason to.
i pitty people who spend time pretending to care.
whatever. things are better now, in letting go, than ever before.
i suppose mom's situation has made me an expert.
the trick is to know what is worth hanging onto, despite nothing hanging onto you...
fuck it.
i have work to do.