i was a fool to have hope in you.
i don't even know what i'm thinking about, specifically.
besides a million things.
i can't sleep, it's 3am. i feel like a matchbox 20 song.
do you ever just have melancholy nights? that are just... empty.
right now here in independence i can't get past what my life is today. a mess. a job i have the most disdain for that it's ridiculous.
i can't get enough of daphne loves derby right now either. well, tennis court soundtrack anyway.
it's funny how people from kentlake are going on to do crazy things. like daphne, first flight out && potentially me.
kinda funny.
it's weird to think that we're all starting to do things with our lives, you know?
going to college. the senior choice awards didn't mean anything. who cares, or more importantly who is going to remember that i won most talkative? no one. it's okay though. it's not exactly my best trait... haha. well, it's my most apperent trait i suppose. but i'm not just the loud crazy girl that everyone knew in high school. would you go back and do things differently? sarah&&i actually talked about it, kinda. she said she wished she was more outgoing. i just wish... idk. people would have been themselves. i mean i had fun, don't get me wrong. it just feels so weird to think about how much everyone has changed. it's like you don't know anyone anymore. some of it's been years between friendships, others only a few months. i guess i'm just thankful for my friends that i've kept over the years. haha. i'm always thankful for them. i guess that's a good thing though.
i really feel like going to a concert.
or listening to accoustic music&&laying in bed.
i'll go for the latter.
i've messed up with a lot of things lately... in my life. ha. but i finally realized that i have to let it go, because you can't change the past. you can't stress about things you have no control over. what's done is done. it's made you who you are. &&people will either love you or hate you. i know so many amazing people that i'd love to share with the world. i've also been through so many things that in the past i would have said, yah- i regret that. yah- i would change how i reacted to it. but maybe i wouldn't be here right now. i have a modeling contract in my hands. i have a brother who cares. friends who'd do anything for me.
i want to be hopeful&&optimistic.
i think it's funny that i got bummed out when a guy decided not to like me or whatever. because it really is his loss. &&i'm going to make someone else happy instead.
but i can't help but feel like i need to fix things.
i want to show my mom that journal entry. &&say, read this since you don't listen to what i have to say. maybe she'd take me seriously. maybe she'd realize what she's missing out on. maybe she'd remember going to baker's square&&sneaking a piece of pie into the car&&eating it with out forks because we didn't want my dad to know. i miss those memories. they'll always be just that... memories. sometimes i desperately wish i could forget. desperately. she used to have so much comfort in her voice. &&so much love for me. more than any other mom i had met. god, i hate talking about this. i hate thinking about because it just makes me so fucking sad.
i know i have a lot to offer.
a lot to offer whoever is in my life.
i need a hug.
any offers?
tennis court soundtrack: daphne loves derby
Where have you been?
I've been waiting so long to hear from you.
And all the things that we said we would do,
Remains to be plans of the past.
We've been, we've been too quiet for too long.
Where is, where is the hope we once had?
It's too late to be saved by your charm,
We'll never get this right.
Your words are cold, and the season is too,
The comfort in your voice is gone.
Don't keep in touch, I'm better off all alone.
You've lost everything that I've loved.
So is it worth this time?
Am I done in your mind?
Will I regret once you're gone?
Why did I ever think that we would, we would be good?
We've been, we've been too quiet for too long.
Where is, where is the hope we once had?
It's too late to be saved by your charm,
We'll never get this right.
Well, alright, I'm sorry I even tried.
I was a fool to have hope in you, in you.