Eights Seeks Therapy
Eights sought therapy. Now she's talking to the shrink.
Why don't you explain to me what makes you so different?
Well. I'm a Crescent, for one. That means... long story short, I get tortured for a living. Crescent is the polite name for us. We're originally called Contractors. And I can't exactly call it a living, either, on account of I'm dead. But yeah. I started doing the job 'cos I was full of ideals. Got to liking it. Started going on vacations a lot, out into the living worlds, to find somebody who seemed a likely target and mess with them so they'd kill me in some new and interesting way. Then I found the Nexus and suddenly I had no idea what I was doing. Somehow in three thousand years of being everybody's hero I'd forgotten how to relate to people who didn't want to either worship me or kill me or both. So I acted like a complete moron, did some extremely stupid things, and ended up going for a little sabbatical into a snowglobe. I got my morals back - I hope - but I... can't smile anymore.
...A snowglobe?
Yeah. Snowglobe. Um... never mind. Just call it a very isolated place with no people in it.
All right then. And you feel as though you're no longer capable of feeling joy?
Something like that. More that... well, I'm scared that if I start smiling again, I'll fall back into the old habits. And every time I go to smile, I just remember all the stupid things I did and all the stupider things I almost did, and I can't anymore.
So you're overshadowed by guilt.
Yes. Well, yes and no. Part of it is guilt. Part of it's just... I feel like I don't have it in me anymore. Like... everything that made me happy was empty and foolish, and now that I've got my sense of honour back...
Yes?
[ She looks contemplative. ] I feel as though I haven't anything to smile about. Nothing to warm my soul. Like I'm drowning in all the worst things in life, and I haven't got anything to hold onto.
Well, I can see the drowning part quite easily.
[ She looks at herself. Squelch. ] Yeah.
I'm sorry, I really haven't dealt with anything remotely like you before. My expertise lies with the living. If you've seen three thousand years, what can I say that will change you?
[ She looks at him sharply. ] I'm still human and I've still got a mind. I thought you people were supposed to deal with odd shit all day long.
...Yes, but that doesn't change the fact that you lie outside of my experience. In a normal person this would be known as severe depression. Does that help?
No. I knew that already. I came for help, not a pretty name for what's wrong with me.
Very well then. Here's some help: Think of things that used to make you happy.
[ She looks angry and on the verge of tears. ] Not helping.
...Think of things that used to make you happy and that you think might still do so. Surely there's something?
[ She wrings water out of her jacket and scowls at the floor. ] No. There... isn't. [ She has a look of pain on her face. ]
Three thousand years old or not, I recognise that look. Come now. Tell me what you're thinking of.
No. It's none of your business and it's certainly no help.
I can't help you if you won't help yourself.
Then you can't help me at all.
...Perhaps I spoke rashly. What--
No. Just... no. [ She stands up. Somewhere in all that water, there appear to be tears. ] I think you've helped me more than you know, but... I have to go. [ She buries her face in her hands and disappears in a flash of fire, leaving puddles in her wake. ]
[ ... ]
[ And now she's back home at Inty's place, wandering aimlessly in the streets of the mindcity, dripping water all over the place and crying. ]
Why don't you explain to me what makes you so different?
Well. I'm a Crescent, for one. That means... long story short, I get tortured for a living. Crescent is the polite name for us. We're originally called Contractors. And I can't exactly call it a living, either, on account of I'm dead. But yeah. I started doing the job 'cos I was full of ideals. Got to liking it. Started going on vacations a lot, out into the living worlds, to find somebody who seemed a likely target and mess with them so they'd kill me in some new and interesting way. Then I found the Nexus and suddenly I had no idea what I was doing. Somehow in three thousand years of being everybody's hero I'd forgotten how to relate to people who didn't want to either worship me or kill me or both. So I acted like a complete moron, did some extremely stupid things, and ended up going for a little sabbatical into a snowglobe. I got my morals back - I hope - but I... can't smile anymore.
...A snowglobe?
Yeah. Snowglobe. Um... never mind. Just call it a very isolated place with no people in it.
All right then. And you feel as though you're no longer capable of feeling joy?
Something like that. More that... well, I'm scared that if I start smiling again, I'll fall back into the old habits. And every time I go to smile, I just remember all the stupid things I did and all the stupider things I almost did, and I can't anymore.
So you're overshadowed by guilt.
Yes. Well, yes and no. Part of it is guilt. Part of it's just... I feel like I don't have it in me anymore. Like... everything that made me happy was empty and foolish, and now that I've got my sense of honour back...
Yes?
[ She looks contemplative. ] I feel as though I haven't anything to smile about. Nothing to warm my soul. Like I'm drowning in all the worst things in life, and I haven't got anything to hold onto.
Well, I can see the drowning part quite easily.
[ She looks at herself. Squelch. ] Yeah.
I'm sorry, I really haven't dealt with anything remotely like you before. My expertise lies with the living. If you've seen three thousand years, what can I say that will change you?
[ She looks at him sharply. ] I'm still human and I've still got a mind. I thought you people were supposed to deal with odd shit all day long.
...Yes, but that doesn't change the fact that you lie outside of my experience. In a normal person this would be known as severe depression. Does that help?
No. I knew that already. I came for help, not a pretty name for what's wrong with me.
Very well then. Here's some help: Think of things that used to make you happy.
[ She looks angry and on the verge of tears. ] Not helping.
...Think of things that used to make you happy and that you think might still do so. Surely there's something?
[ She wrings water out of her jacket and scowls at the floor. ] No. There... isn't. [ She has a look of pain on her face. ]
Three thousand years old or not, I recognise that look. Come now. Tell me what you're thinking of.
No. It's none of your business and it's certainly no help.
I can't help you if you won't help yourself.
Then you can't help me at all.
...Perhaps I spoke rashly. What--
No. Just... no. [ She stands up. Somewhere in all that water, there appear to be tears. ] I think you've helped me more than you know, but... I have to go. [ She buries her face in her hands and disappears in a flash of fire, leaving puddles in her wake. ]
[ ... ]
[ And now she's back home at Inty's place, wandering aimlessly in the streets of the mindcity, dripping water all over the place and crying. ]