(no subject)
i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i dont i dont know i dont know i dont know it was so hard today not knowing all day having to sit there and pretend that everything was ok charles is a good good friend so hard so hard and the bad news at the end all that waiting and for bad news i'm a terrible person its my fault i shouldnt have put her in this position i shouldnt have come here i should go back i should go back this was a mistake i need a do over i need a new guy i i i gotta not be like this i gotta be different i gotta be better for her its my fault if i was better this wouldnt have happened if i was there things would be ok i'm always gonna be like this and she deserves the best and i dont know if i can be everything she deserves and i dont want to cause her pain i love her too much i just i hate her parents and i hate myself for doing this why do her parents have to hate me i know she says they dont but it doesnt seem like that i think i'm done with them i know its not fair to her and i have to be better for her but i cant and i want to be but im always going to be like this and its not fair to her i love her so much i never want to let her go i cant go there for spring break i just cant i dont want to spend time with my parents or hers it was just supposed to be the two of us for a whole week she says shes being pulled between people thats how i am everytime im back i have so much time and i have to spend so much time with family and all that and i dont want to and i feel like i dont spend enough with her i want it to be me and her thats what it was supposed to be a whole week of just me and her fuck goddamnit i cant do this i need to be better for her i need to i cant i have to stop i love her so much