Another Depressed Post
So here I am again. Tossing another post out in the void. One no one will ever read but hey I can at least pretend. At least until I delete it when I give up hope again. I like to pretend others will read this and actually care. No one in my real life actually cares about my life. They'd care a bit if I died maybe but no one actually cares about my life. No one will call or text me to see how I am. They'd come and cry at my funeral but it would probably take weeks for anyone to find out I was dead. I'd most likely be found because of missed work or missed rent. Sad really lol. That I have to work and rent til I die because otherwise no would know I was dead. Which kind of comes to the reason behind this post. I'm so lonely and touch starved. I feel like I don't matter to any one and I can't remember the last time I was even hugged. I just want someone to care about me, is happy to see me and wants to spend time with me. Not even romantically just some one in general. But there is something fundamentally wrong with me. Something that makes me so easily forgettable and overlooked. I don't really matter. My own mother doesn't even call me. She stopped ages ago. I have to call her. Probably because I don't have kids. And grandkids are what she really wants. They are what really matters to her now. And since I'm the only one of my siblings that doesn't have any kid then I'm the one that gets tossed to the side. And I'm so sick of trying. Of reaching out to get half assed attention. I'm mid 30's. At best a third of my life is gone. And I don't matter to anyone.
I just want to matter to someone.
I just want to matter to someone.