random SG-1 fluff...
Vague s6 spoilers, I think. Don't remember. blah blah.
"Daniel, will you sleep with me?"
"Jack, did you just proposition me?"
"No! It's just -- Carter won't sleep with me."
"There are reasons for that, Jack." Daniel settled his glasses again. "For one thing, you snore."
"Daniel." Moving with an agitatedness not normally associated with him, Jack grabbed up a paperweight. "Listen. I need someone to sleep with me because..." He leaned in, "Because I'm afraid of getting abducted by aliens."
Now, normally, when a friend says that sort of thing, one assumes the recipient of the comment will make a snide joke about aliens not existing, or not doing that sort of thing. However, Daniel Jackson knew better. "Ah. So you asked Sam, first?"
"Actually, I asked Teal'c."
"Uh-huh." Daniel rubbed a hand over his head. "Jack?"
"Daniel."
"Aliens are not going to abduct you."
"You sure?"
"Very sure. In fact, if you like, I'm sure you can get Sam to whip up a shield so aliens can't beam you out of your bed."
Jack scowled, "I'd still rather have someone sleep with me."
"Well, it's not going to be me. Why don't you go ask the General to assign someone to sleep with you?"
"Daniel."
Already distracted with the inscriptions he'd been going over again, Daniel sighed. "Jack."
"You're not being helpful."
"I'm so very sorry, Jack. What would you like me to do to help?"
"Sleep with me."
"No."
"Well, you asked." Jack emphasized the statement with his hands, gesturing emphatically. "And I really need."
"Jack. Go bug Sam. Get her to make you a shield, or a jammer, or something."
"Fine. I can see you're no help." The Colonel said, his voice irritated. He stalked out of the room, arms swinging.
"That's right, Jack," Daniel said to his blessedly empty office. "I'm no help at all."
"Daniel, will you sleep with me?"
"Jack, did you just proposition me?"
"No! It's just -- Carter won't sleep with me."
"There are reasons for that, Jack." Daniel settled his glasses again. "For one thing, you snore."
"Daniel." Moving with an agitatedness not normally associated with him, Jack grabbed up a paperweight. "Listen. I need someone to sleep with me because..." He leaned in, "Because I'm afraid of getting abducted by aliens."
Now, normally, when a friend says that sort of thing, one assumes the recipient of the comment will make a snide joke about aliens not existing, or not doing that sort of thing. However, Daniel Jackson knew better. "Ah. So you asked Sam, first?"
"Actually, I asked Teal'c."
"Uh-huh." Daniel rubbed a hand over his head. "Jack?"
"Daniel."
"Aliens are not going to abduct you."
"You sure?"
"Very sure. In fact, if you like, I'm sure you can get Sam to whip up a shield so aliens can't beam you out of your bed."
Jack scowled, "I'd still rather have someone sleep with me."
"Well, it's not going to be me. Why don't you go ask the General to assign someone to sleep with you?"
"Daniel."
Already distracted with the inscriptions he'd been going over again, Daniel sighed. "Jack."
"You're not being helpful."
"I'm so very sorry, Jack. What would you like me to do to help?"
"Sleep with me."
"No."
"Well, you asked." Jack emphasized the statement with his hands, gesturing emphatically. "And I really need."
"Jack. Go bug Sam. Get her to make you a shield, or a jammer, or something."
"Fine. I can see you're no help." The Colonel said, his voice irritated. He stalked out of the room, arms swinging.
"That's right, Jack," Daniel said to his blessedly empty office. "I'm no help at all."