The Wretched, Tome 1, Books 4-8
Yay, I finished Volume 1! 21% read! (Hooray vacation week!) I have added it to Goodreads, even though my edition is actually the whole thing, because otherwise I will have no sense of accomplishment and I will never make my reading goal.
So yes, the second half.
Book 4 ("Trusting sometimes means entrusting").
So Fantine, the not terribly responsible mother (seriously, who was watching Cosette while she was out picnicking with her boyfriend The Jerk?), has decided to move back home. But even though she can represent herself as a widow to Mme. Thénardier, she can't continue lying, or something, once she gets back? So having a kid will be a problem for Mlle. Fantine. But this didn't occur to her until she had already left Paris and so she hadn't made any arrangements ahead of time. Um, okay.
Luckily along the way she stops in Montfermeil and sees Mme. Thénardier watching her two* angelic kids playing (on a very important and much described wagon thing; there's a lot of words for vehicles in this novel, because that's a light two-wheeled carriage, dumbass!.) So Fantine, seeing here a providential solution to her problem (seriously, why would she not just continue to either represent herself as a widow or have given this some thought ahead of time and found a good home for Cosette, like when she was selling all of her stuff?), is all like, "OH HAI PLZ TAKE MAH BEHBEH." Mme. Thénardier (rather understandably) is a bit taken aback by this, but with the input of her husband the disembodied mercenary voice, she agrees.
But of course, the Thénardiers are bad people and do not love Cosette as much as their own children. They don't treat her very well at all, but hey, at least she eats better than the dog, if not so well as the cat -- and she does have her very own bowl under the table with them! And the townspeople call her "The Lark," because she's up so early (working as a servant, when she's just 5), because they like cute nicknames for abused children!
*Eponine has a baby sister, apparently. Who, because of her mother's love of trashy romance novels, is lucky enough to "only" be called Azelma, and not Gulnare. Well, okay then.
Book 5 ("The Descent")
An "unknown man"** has in the meantime migrated to Montreuil-sur-mer, arriving in 1815, and because he was awesome and smart, he's revolutionized the industry there with cheaper raw materials to make imitation jet. (I didn't know we made imitation jet, but TIL that we do.) And then le père Madeleine eventually becomes M. le maire Madeleine (even though he totally turned the offer down the first time, because he's modest and avoids people). He's quite rich, having 650K francs chez Laffitte, which I assume is a bank; but it would be so much more if he didn't give so much of it to charity!
The bishop dies, blind at the end, which is okay, because it's a special kind of happiness to know that you're blind but a woman loves you so much that she just hovers around caring for you, like the Bishop's sister does. (Um.)
Javert appears! And there are many, many, many animal metaphors (my favorite is the bit where Javert is the human face of the dog that is apparently born in every wolf litter but that normally the mommy wolf kills because otherwise it will grow up to devour the other babies; oh Hugo and Asturian peasants, biology, ur doin it wrong).
M. Madeleine saves the dude under the cart, even though the dude under the cart never liked him and Javert is right there being all, "There is only one man in all of France who could lift something so heavy! He was... a convict!" What, France is a nation of people with no upper body strength? (When does Valjean have time to work out? Is it carrying around all those bags of money to distribute to the wretched?) But hey, he gets the dude a job as a gardener in Paris.
Re-enter Fantine.
It's really terrible to be Fantine. Also, maybe education is part of the answer for eliminating wretchedness, because if she's just been able to write as well as read she wouldn't have had to rely on the public writer to write her letters to Cosette for her, and then her fellow-workers wouldn't have gotten so curious about them. So curious, in fact, that one woman is willing to pay 35 francs to travel to Montfermeil to gawk at Cosette? That's taking gossip a leeeettle bit far, surely?
So Fantine gets herself fired, but because she never complains, she goes from (not-really-that-)bad to worse. (Also, really, what would anyone have done if she'd walked out on her furniture and the lease and gone back to Paris? They'd never have sent debt collectors after her, would they?) She sells her hair, and then there's the HORRIFIC tooth thing (thanks, movie, at least I was prepared for that), and she's not got anything left, so she'll have to be a "public girl," which is a totally clear but gross euphemism.
And then she gets herself arrested by Javert, not for prostitution, but for attacking a gentleman of leisure, who is the sort of jerk who hurls insults at toothless, hairless prostitutes, and when they don't respond, drops snow down the back of their dress. Really, what is wrong with people?
But never fear, Madeleine saves the day, popping up weirdly in the police station (he'd clearly been there a while but nobody noticed?) to insist that Javert free Fantine, citing the exact part of the law code that gives him that authority (awww), even after Fantine spits in his face because she blames him for all her problems (I'd look at some of your own choices too there, Fantine: like, if you're just going to end up a prostitute anyway, don't sell your hair and teeth first, because that is clearly not a long-term plan; also, again, default on your debts and move to a different city! Change your name! Go collect Cosette!). But he is horrified at her condition and promises her the earth and sky for the verrrrrrry short time she has to live (cough, cough).
**Seriously, I had no idea you weren't supposed to have known that it was Valjean until Hugo told me books and books later, "I'm sure you've all figured out by now that M. Madeleine was none other than Jean Valjean!", and I was like, "Wait, when was that supposed to have been a secret?"
Book 6: "Javert"
M. Madeleine takes Fantine to the hospital he's established. He promises that he'll get Cosette for her. He writes to the Thénardiers, but they, understandably, are like, hey, this girl's a cash cow! Don't send her back! Say Fantine owes more money! And instead of going to fetch Cosette, Madeleine just keeps sending them money. Not the best idea ever.
Then... duh duh duh! Javert comes to see him to demand that Madeleine have him fired. Because Javert wrote a letter to the Paris police accusing him of being... JEAN VALJEAN! But of course now Javert known he cannot possibly be Jean Valjean, because some dude named Champmathieu has been arrrested for being Jean Valjean, and that's totally him. He'll be tried at an assize court tomorrow in some other town. So sorry, Javert says, he's made a mistake, please have him drummed out of the police force because resigning is too good for a terrible policeman like him! Okay, M. l'inspecteur. Of course Madeleine refuses.
Book 7: "The Champmathieu Affair"
And then he spends chapters and chapters angsting about what to do because he is... JEAN VALJEAN! (Yes, this is where the book finally says that.) He's hired a carriage to take him to the other town, but still isn't sure whether he's going to go, or what, and man, I wish he could've just sung a song about his angst; it would've been SO much faster.
He's made no decision at all, actually, but when the carriage shows up the next morning, he just goes, and he almost thinks he doesn't have to when the carriage breaks along the way and there's no way it could be repaired in time, but then providence intervenes and there's a spare carriage! Providence is mean.
He gets to the other town, and even makes his way to the court, and watches a huge part of the trial which (providentially) is taking place at night even though it should've been long over. And finally, finally, he interrupts and is like... "WHO AM I? I'M JEAN VALJEAN!" And the people who know him as M. le maire are all, "Yo, get a doctor, that man's not right!" but then he proves who he is by knowing a bunch of details about all the convicts who've shown up to identify the other dude (once again showing how ridiculously unreliable eyewitnesses are, and why do we even allow them as evidence in courts when it's been proved so many times that people are terrible witnesses?), and then everyone is like, "What do we do now?" And Valjean's all, "Well, kbye everyone, y'all know where I live if you need me," and he walks out of that court LIKE A BOSS.
Book 8: "Repercussion"
Valjean travels (much more quickly this time) back to Montreuil-sur-mer so that he can go see the dying Fantine. Who, btw, thinks he's off looking for Cosette and not even Sister Simplice, who NEVER TELLS LIES, could bear to disillusion her. His hair, which had been grey, has turned white over the past day from stress. I'm pretty sure that can't happen.
When Fantine notices that Valjean is back, she's all, "YAY! Where's Cosette?" and the doctor tells her she has to be very very quiet before he'll let Cosette see her. But she's maybe getting better with her happiness.
Then in comes Javert. He's been dispatched to arrest Valjean. And instead of taking their conversation into the hallway, Valjean's all, "Can I just have three days to go save Cosette? You could come with me if you want?" And then Fantine's like, "What do you mean? I thought you already got Cosette, M. le maire," and Javert, in a really jerky move, is all "THERE IS NO MAYOR THERE IS ONLY ZOOL VALJEAN, he's an evil evil convict," and poor Fantine dies of shock.
:( Oh, Javert, that's méchant. Way more wretched than the musical!
And then, since Fantine is dead, Valjean lets Javert arrest him (which totally surprised me), but then he escapes from the local jail using his superstrength (Is he secretly a mutant or something? Has anyone written that AU?), and he goes back home to get his candlesticks and leave.
He's interrupted by Sister Simplice (the nurse nun who NEVER TELLS LIES) and then Javert is outside! Oh no! Nowhere to run! So he hides behind the door, and Javert comes in and finds Sister Simplice praying and he's all, "Are you alone there hanging out in the EEEEEEEVIL Valjean's room?", and Sister NeverLies says ....... YES! And then he asks again if she's seen Valjean, and she says NO! Hooray, Sister Simplice! The only two lies of her entire life were to save Valjean, awwwww. YAY!
And then Valjean gives her a letter to give to the curate saying he should see to Fantine's burial and then use all Valjean's stuff for the poor. And then what does the curate do? He dumps Fantine's body in the paupers' grave, because, after all, she's a prostitute and Valjean's a convict and hey, that leaves more money for the poor and all.
Way more wretched than the musical.
Next up: Tome II, Cosette, which opens with a book about Waterloo, which I've now read several chapters of and still have no idea what it has to do with anything! I'm skimming. A lot. Man, do I not care about Waterloo!
So yes, the second half.
Book 4 ("Trusting sometimes means entrusting").
So Fantine, the not terribly responsible mother (seriously, who was watching Cosette while she was out picnicking with her boyfriend The Jerk?), has decided to move back home. But even though she can represent herself as a widow to Mme. Thénardier, she can't continue lying, or something, once she gets back? So having a kid will be a problem for Mlle. Fantine. But this didn't occur to her until she had already left Paris and so she hadn't made any arrangements ahead of time. Um, okay.
Luckily along the way she stops in Montfermeil and sees Mme. Thénardier watching her two* angelic kids playing (on a very important and much described wagon thing; there's a lot of words for vehicles in this novel, because that's a light two-wheeled carriage, dumbass!.) So Fantine, seeing here a providential solution to her problem (seriously, why would she not just continue to either represent herself as a widow or have given this some thought ahead of time and found a good home for Cosette, like when she was selling all of her stuff?), is all like, "OH HAI PLZ TAKE MAH BEHBEH." Mme. Thénardier (rather understandably) is a bit taken aback by this, but with the input of her husband the disembodied mercenary voice, she agrees.
But of course, the Thénardiers are bad people and do not love Cosette as much as their own children. They don't treat her very well at all, but hey, at least she eats better than the dog, if not so well as the cat -- and she does have her very own bowl under the table with them! And the townspeople call her "The Lark," because she's up so early (working as a servant, when she's just 5), because they like cute nicknames for abused children!
*Eponine has a baby sister, apparently. Who, because of her mother's love of trashy romance novels, is lucky enough to "only" be called Azelma, and not Gulnare. Well, okay then.
Book 5 ("The Descent")
An "unknown man"** has in the meantime migrated to Montreuil-sur-mer, arriving in 1815, and because he was awesome and smart, he's revolutionized the industry there with cheaper raw materials to make imitation jet. (I didn't know we made imitation jet, but TIL that we do.) And then le père Madeleine eventually becomes M. le maire Madeleine (even though he totally turned the offer down the first time, because he's modest and avoids people). He's quite rich, having 650K francs chez Laffitte, which I assume is a bank; but it would be so much more if he didn't give so much of it to charity!
The bishop dies, blind at the end, which is okay, because it's a special kind of happiness to know that you're blind but a woman loves you so much that she just hovers around caring for you, like the Bishop's sister does. (Um.)
Javert appears! And there are many, many, many animal metaphors (my favorite is the bit where Javert is the human face of the dog that is apparently born in every wolf litter but that normally the mommy wolf kills because otherwise it will grow up to devour the other babies; oh Hugo and Asturian peasants, biology, ur doin it wrong).
M. Madeleine saves the dude under the cart, even though the dude under the cart never liked him and Javert is right there being all, "There is only one man in all of France who could lift something so heavy! He was... a convict!" What, France is a nation of people with no upper body strength? (When does Valjean have time to work out? Is it carrying around all those bags of money to distribute to the wretched?) But hey, he gets the dude a job as a gardener in Paris.
Re-enter Fantine.
It's really terrible to be Fantine. Also, maybe education is part of the answer for eliminating wretchedness, because if she's just been able to write as well as read she wouldn't have had to rely on the public writer to write her letters to Cosette for her, and then her fellow-workers wouldn't have gotten so curious about them. So curious, in fact, that one woman is willing to pay 35 francs to travel to Montfermeil to gawk at Cosette? That's taking gossip a leeeettle bit far, surely?
So Fantine gets herself fired, but because she never complains, she goes from (not-really-that-)bad to worse. (Also, really, what would anyone have done if she'd walked out on her furniture and the lease and gone back to Paris? They'd never have sent debt collectors after her, would they?) She sells her hair, and then there's the HORRIFIC tooth thing (thanks, movie, at least I was prepared for that), and she's not got anything left, so she'll have to be a "public girl," which is a totally clear but gross euphemism.
And then she gets herself arrested by Javert, not for prostitution, but for attacking a gentleman of leisure, who is the sort of jerk who hurls insults at toothless, hairless prostitutes, and when they don't respond, drops snow down the back of their dress. Really, what is wrong with people?
But never fear, Madeleine saves the day, popping up weirdly in the police station (he'd clearly been there a while but nobody noticed?) to insist that Javert free Fantine, citing the exact part of the law code that gives him that authority (awww), even after Fantine spits in his face because she blames him for all her problems (I'd look at some of your own choices too there, Fantine: like, if you're just going to end up a prostitute anyway, don't sell your hair and teeth first, because that is clearly not a long-term plan; also, again, default on your debts and move to a different city! Change your name! Go collect Cosette!). But he is horrified at her condition and promises her the earth and sky for the verrrrrrry short time she has to live (cough, cough).
**Seriously, I had no idea you weren't supposed to have known that it was Valjean until Hugo told me books and books later, "I'm sure you've all figured out by now that M. Madeleine was none other than Jean Valjean!", and I was like, "Wait, when was that supposed to have been a secret?"
Book 6: "Javert"
M. Madeleine takes Fantine to the hospital he's established. He promises that he'll get Cosette for her. He writes to the Thénardiers, but they, understandably, are like, hey, this girl's a cash cow! Don't send her back! Say Fantine owes more money! And instead of going to fetch Cosette, Madeleine just keeps sending them money. Not the best idea ever.
Then... duh duh duh! Javert comes to see him to demand that Madeleine have him fired. Because Javert wrote a letter to the Paris police accusing him of being... JEAN VALJEAN! But of course now Javert known he cannot possibly be Jean Valjean, because some dude named Champmathieu has been arrrested for being Jean Valjean, and that's totally him. He'll be tried at an assize court tomorrow in some other town. So sorry, Javert says, he's made a mistake, please have him drummed out of the police force because resigning is too good for a terrible policeman like him! Okay, M. l'inspecteur. Of course Madeleine refuses.
Book 7: "The Champmathieu Affair"
And then he spends chapters and chapters angsting about what to do because he is... JEAN VALJEAN! (Yes, this is where the book finally says that.) He's hired a carriage to take him to the other town, but still isn't sure whether he's going to go, or what, and man, I wish he could've just sung a song about his angst; it would've been SO much faster.
He's made no decision at all, actually, but when the carriage shows up the next morning, he just goes, and he almost thinks he doesn't have to when the carriage breaks along the way and there's no way it could be repaired in time, but then providence intervenes and there's a spare carriage! Providence is mean.
He gets to the other town, and even makes his way to the court, and watches a huge part of the trial which (providentially) is taking place at night even though it should've been long over. And finally, finally, he interrupts and is like... "WHO AM I? I'M JEAN VALJEAN!" And the people who know him as M. le maire are all, "Yo, get a doctor, that man's not right!" but then he proves who he is by knowing a bunch of details about all the convicts who've shown up to identify the other dude (once again showing how ridiculously unreliable eyewitnesses are, and why do we even allow them as evidence in courts when it's been proved so many times that people are terrible witnesses?), and then everyone is like, "What do we do now?" And Valjean's all, "Well, kbye everyone, y'all know where I live if you need me," and he walks out of that court LIKE A BOSS.
Book 8: "Repercussion"
Valjean travels (much more quickly this time) back to Montreuil-sur-mer so that he can go see the dying Fantine. Who, btw, thinks he's off looking for Cosette and not even Sister Simplice, who NEVER TELLS LIES, could bear to disillusion her. His hair, which had been grey, has turned white over the past day from stress. I'm pretty sure that can't happen.
When Fantine notices that Valjean is back, she's all, "YAY! Where's Cosette?" and the doctor tells her she has to be very very quiet before he'll let Cosette see her. But she's maybe getting better with her happiness.
Then in comes Javert. He's been dispatched to arrest Valjean. And instead of taking their conversation into the hallway, Valjean's all, "Can I just have three days to go save Cosette? You could come with me if you want?" And then Fantine's like, "What do you mean? I thought you already got Cosette, M. le maire," and Javert, in a really jerky move, is all "THERE IS NO MAYOR THERE IS ONLY ZOOL VALJEAN, he's an evil evil convict," and poor Fantine dies of shock.
:( Oh, Javert, that's méchant. Way more wretched than the musical!
And then, since Fantine is dead, Valjean lets Javert arrest him (which totally surprised me), but then he escapes from the local jail using his superstrength (Is he secretly a mutant or something? Has anyone written that AU?), and he goes back home to get his candlesticks and leave.
He's interrupted by Sister Simplice (the nurse nun who NEVER TELLS LIES) and then Javert is outside! Oh no! Nowhere to run! So he hides behind the door, and Javert comes in and finds Sister Simplice praying and he's all, "Are you alone there hanging out in the EEEEEEEVIL Valjean's room?", and Sister NeverLies says ....... YES! And then he asks again if she's seen Valjean, and she says NO! Hooray, Sister Simplice! The only two lies of her entire life were to save Valjean, awwwww. YAY!
And then Valjean gives her a letter to give to the curate saying he should see to Fantine's burial and then use all Valjean's stuff for the poor. And then what does the curate do? He dumps Fantine's body in the paupers' grave, because, after all, she's a prostitute and Valjean's a convict and hey, that leaves more money for the poor and all.
Way more wretched than the musical.
Next up: Tome II, Cosette, which opens with a book about Waterloo, which I've now read several chapters of and still have no idea what it has to do with anything! I'm skimming. A lot. Man, do I not care about Waterloo!