Late Night Thinking
Eldoran IMed me today. It felt good to talk to someone from so far back. I thought that everyone hated me for that mess I made. It's nice to know that some people can forgive, even if I don't deserve it. It brought back a lot of memories, some I didn't want to think about and some things I missed. That was a really good group of friends. Just something about them, I don't know. All of them left me and took his side because everyone blamed him for everything, eventhough it was my fault, even though I said it was my fault alone, even though it was the truth. I guess it can be expected, they'd been friends with him longer.
I did a lot of lying, I did a lot of appologizing and I did a lot of fixing. Can't blame anyone who didn't like me after that, for never talking to me again. I did the only thing I could do. I'm still sorry for the mess, I always will be, but what can you do?
I'm happy where I am now, don't get me wrong. I wouldn't give Rai up for the world, but I do miss that group.
Appologies aren't ever enough and eventually I just pushed all of it out of mind. Never reminised, never looked back, never even thought about it again until now. It's depressing, in a way.
But hey, there are consequences to everything you do, I have to except the one's I earned for myself, for better or worst.
I still have attatchments to all of them, though I did everything I could to push a few of them away so that they never had to deal with this again, some things I'm not that proud of. Call it my motherly instincts kicking in again if you want. Sometimes people have to be made to hate you if you want them to be safe. Of course, Bas didn't stay hating me and he still tries to hold a conversation from time to time.
I don't talk to more than 4-5 people online anymore, I'm lucky if I talk to 2 people for an hour out of an entire day. Most of my friends are long gone. Some old ones seep back in every once in a while though, and it's always nice.
In anycase, thanks for talking to me after so long Eldoran. it was nice to get to check up on things and talk with you.
I did a lot of lying, I did a lot of appologizing and I did a lot of fixing. Can't blame anyone who didn't like me after that, for never talking to me again. I did the only thing I could do. I'm still sorry for the mess, I always will be, but what can you do?
I'm happy where I am now, don't get me wrong. I wouldn't give Rai up for the world, but I do miss that group.
Appologies aren't ever enough and eventually I just pushed all of it out of mind. Never reminised, never looked back, never even thought about it again until now. It's depressing, in a way.
But hey, there are consequences to everything you do, I have to except the one's I earned for myself, for better or worst.
I still have attatchments to all of them, though I did everything I could to push a few of them away so that they never had to deal with this again, some things I'm not that proud of. Call it my motherly instincts kicking in again if you want. Sometimes people have to be made to hate you if you want them to be safe. Of course, Bas didn't stay hating me and he still tries to hold a conversation from time to time.
I don't talk to more than 4-5 people online anymore, I'm lucky if I talk to 2 people for an hour out of an entire day. Most of my friends are long gone. Some old ones seep back in every once in a while though, and it's always nice.
In anycase, thanks for talking to me after so long Eldoran. it was nice to get to check up on things and talk with you.