"Do I look badass?"
Went to see the Finnish version of Wicked on Saturday. It was really, really gay. The end.
Another thing that is really, really gay is--you guessed it--Rizzoli & Isles. Oh, be still, my beating heart! All this femslashy goodness is killing me. Another thing that's making my insides go all gooey is Angie Harmon's voice. Just for the heck of it, I watched Good Advice (that not-so-good-but-somehow-really-addictive movie she did with Charlie 'Wife Beater' Sheen) last week and realised that her voice has dropped an octave in a decade. It's weird.
Anyway. I want to thank the writers of Rizzoli & Isles for including the femslashers' every possible fangirly dream into the show's first season. Today, it's time for shooting lessons. [insert flailing here]
Hoyt is back. It's pretty 'meh', but at least they didn't make his comeback the season finale. Anyway, Rizzoli is having nightmares about him again, and when she suddenly wakes up, she thinks it a wonderful idea to wander out to the street (barefoot, I might add) to check out the situation.
But nevermind the ridiculousness--she's supposed to be a detective!--let's concentrate on what she's wearing.
This would only be gayer if she had men's boxer shorts on. Compare the above caps to the ones of Maura when she came to the rescue in her satin pajamas in episode #3. Indeed-O.
So yes, Jane is having nightmares again and Maura suspects. Of course. It's been well established that she's an expert when it comes to reading the detective. If it were anyone else, it'd be a tad creepy.
Isles: You. You have dark circles under your eyes. Are you not sleeping again?
Rizzoli: Thank you, you look nice, too.
It really is marvellous how well Maura can spot these things, and how she just takes Jane's sarcastic replies in stride, because she knows Jane. These two are more like a married couple than an ACTUAL married couple.
Isles: You having nightmares again?
Rizzoli: Yeah. I dreamed I showed up at work in my underwear.
Isles: Anxiety.
Rizzoli: [sarcastic] You think?
Maura then explains that she herself has a recurring dream about not having studied for a biochemistry test, and it all ends with the two women smiling lovingly at each other. Yes, lovingly.
Also, I love the fact that Maura is an etymology geek. ♥
Next up: Frankie needs to talk to Jane about their parents. Nothing interesting there, per se (did you know that if one writes that without the space, "perse", it means "arse" in Finnish? Well, now you do), but then the waitress shows up and Jane slips. Oh, does she ever.
Waitress: Can I get you guys anything else?
Rizzoli: Oh, so many things.
Yeah, like a quickie. Jane, your gay is showing. AGAIN. She's totally flirting with the girl until it becomes obvious there's something going on between her and Frankie. Man, Jane and Frankie should go cruising for women together. It would be epic.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch lab...
Frost: [pointing at the indentation around the victim's wrist] Doc, what's this?
Isles: Adhesive residue. [...] Duct tape. His wrists were taped together. [...]
Frost: Did the killer use a scalpel? [A/N: Oh noes!1111!!!]
Isles: [realising it's Hoyt] I have to find Jane.
Well, of course you do. And of course it's Maura's alone who breaks the news to Jane. Instead of Frost, Jane's partner. Draw your own conclusions, peeps.
But damn, things are about to get even gayer. No, I don't know how it's possible either; we're only missing a rainbow bumper sticker, a DYI tool kit and a U-Haul by now.
First of all, we get gay slouching and meaningful looks.
Mon dieu. I wonder if someone told Angie Harmon to sit like that, or if she came up with it all on her own. Either way, I think I lost a whole bunch of brain sells just by looking at these caps.
And then. Then. Maura offers to stay until the cavalry gets there, so that Jane can go to sleep.
Isles: [points to the gun] Give me that.
Rizzoli: No, it's loaded.
Isles: I'll stay up!
Rizzoli: It's loaded. No.
Isles: Magazine capacity fifteen. Trigger pull 2.5kg, line of sight 153mm...
[Jane looking at Maura in awe]
But wait, the story gets better!
Rizzoli: Have you ever shot one?
Isles: Umm... [grins] No.
Rizzoli: No.
Isles: But I'm a fast learner.
Yes, it's going exactly where we all hope it would. Nevermind that Jane is probably breaking like a dozen rules by handing over her gun to a complete outsider, this is way too hot for us to pay attention to such trivial details.
Note how Isles is completely enchanted by Rizzoli handling the gun.
Holy crap. Yep, feeling happy...in my pants! I think my ovaries would've sang an aria had Jane positioned herself behind Maura in order to correct her stance, but I'll gladly take this as well.
Also, Jane's "You look good" line is perfect, as is Maura's amused "You're laughing at me". It's disgustingly sweet, actually.
And finally, to finish us all off, the following takes place (after Jane has affectionally rubbed Maura's thigh for a wee while):
Isles: Jane?
Rizzoli: Yeah?
Isles: Do I look badass?
Rizzoli: [smiles] Yeah, you look like a badass.
Aaaaand we're nine minutes into the episode. Oh, the gods of femslash, I'm not worthy!
We find out that someone's stalking Jane's building, then it's suddenly morning, and it's obvious that Maura spent the entire night at Jane's. Glorious.
She's discussing the case with Frost when Korsak turns up and lo, the testosterone level suddenly goes up into the stratosphere. As the two men are comparing the size of their penises (Maura's words, not mine), Maura finally shows her claws and shuts them up, because no one wakes up her girlfriend with all this penis talk.
Maura's worry over Jane is as clear as day, but in case we need reminding, they kindly included yet another example:
[Maura looking slightly uncomfortable]
Rizzoli: Are you okay?
Isles: [hesistant] It's very distracting to work in a wrinkled dress.
Rizzoli: So go home and change!
Isles: No, no. I'm not leaving you.
LKHJflkngljknfgölamf. Their love is so epic and pure! *tear*
But then Dean the FBI Agent with a bad haircut shows up and makes us all gag. Seriously, who denied him access to scissors? The coffee "date" that follows is so ridiculously awkward that I want to close my eyes and yell out the theme tune to The Golden Girls. Thank you for being a frieeeeeend~
There's an autopsy, Maura giving Dean disapproving looks, and, eventually, the boss removing Jane off the case. Hoyt is dragged over to the precinct (so darn wise) and interrogated by none other than Isles. The realism is through the roof, guys!
Jane and Korsak share a moment. It's corny, but at least we finally find out why they're not partners anymore.
And then we're back to femslash again. Hoyt says something to Maura during the interrogation ("You're like me") which makes her all angsty. Jane, naturally, picks up on this and sends Dean packing so that she can talk with her "friend".
Maura confides in Jane, telling that she was a weird kid, always a loner, how she was neglected and sent to boarding school when she was ten. Awww, poor bb. There's romantic violin music playing on the background and Jane looking at Maura like she wants to hug her forever.
See my point?
Well, there's no hug (damn you, TPTB, damn you!), but there's hand holding of the femslashy kind.
Rizzoli: [stretching out her hands] Come here. [taking Maura's hands in hers] No matter what happened to you, you're nothing like that monster. Okay? Yeah, you're a little antisocial maybe, a little goofy. But that's not the same thing. Okay?
[eye!shagging like woah]
Rizzoli: Man, we're a pair.
Isles: [softly] Thank you.
The looks they keep giving each other throughout the whole thing are INSANE. Compare this scene with the one at the coffee shop (between Jane and Badhair), and you'll know these two are the real canon paring of the show.
So, to balance out the drama-lama, we get a lighter scene in which Jane talks about Frankie's "occipital spatula", and Maura spews out facts about the connection between domestic chores and divorce. Yay.
More crime solving. Boring. First, Maura uses an algorithm (of ridiculousness!) on a security footage in order to capture a mirror image off of someone's frigging eye (too much CSI, writers). She then figures out that the woman they thought was a victim is *gasp* the perp! Maura's "Oh, my God. Jane." sums it all up.
The perp is making dinner at Jane's (this show is too good to be true), and Frankie eventually shoots her - the waitress Jane so shamelessly flirted with in the beginning. Nice.
And we wrap things up with a totally useless scene of Rizzoli and Dean the Twat having dinner. Dean tries to get into Jane's pants, but Jane refuses. Afterwards she, nevertheless, decides to suck his monkey face goodbye. Her reaction once she abruptly pulls back?
"Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuck. Not working, didn't feel anything with him either. What is happening to me?!"
Like I mentioned a few weeks back, absolutely everything on this show can be explained through femslash. It's EPIC.
Speaking of Angie Harmon, the world is a better place, because she loves the gays. Haters to the left~! I'm done feeling guilty for lusting after her, no matter how planned that talk show appearance was. And did you SEE her legs? UNF.
And while I'm spamming with YT vids, here's the Criminal Minds Season 5 blooper reel.
FU, CBS.
Another thing that is really, really gay is--you guessed it--Rizzoli & Isles. Oh, be still, my beating heart! All this femslashy goodness is killing me. Another thing that's making my insides go all gooey is Angie Harmon's voice. Just for the heck of it, I watched Good Advice (that not-so-good-but-somehow-really-addictive movie she did with Charlie 'Wife Beater' Sheen) last week and realised that her voice has dropped an octave in a decade. It's weird.
Anyway. I want to thank the writers of Rizzoli & Isles for including the femslashers' every possible fangirly dream into the show's first season. Today, it's time for shooting lessons. [insert flailing here]
Hoyt is back. It's pretty 'meh', but at least they didn't make his comeback the season finale. Anyway, Rizzoli is having nightmares about him again, and when she suddenly wakes up, she thinks it a wonderful idea to wander out to the street (barefoot, I might add) to check out the situation.
But nevermind the ridiculousness--she's supposed to be a detective!--let's concentrate on what she's wearing.
This would only be gayer if she had men's boxer shorts on. Compare the above caps to the ones of Maura when she came to the rescue in her satin pajamas in episode #3. Indeed-O.
So yes, Jane is having nightmares again and Maura suspects. Of course. It's been well established that she's an expert when it comes to reading the detective. If it were anyone else, it'd be a tad creepy.
Isles: You. You have dark circles under your eyes. Are you not sleeping again?
Rizzoli: Thank you, you look nice, too.
It really is marvellous how well Maura can spot these things, and how she just takes Jane's sarcastic replies in stride, because she knows Jane. These two are more like a married couple than an ACTUAL married couple.
Isles: You having nightmares again?
Rizzoli: Yeah. I dreamed I showed up at work in my underwear.
Isles: Anxiety.
Rizzoli: [sarcastic] You think?
Maura then explains that she herself has a recurring dream about not having studied for a biochemistry test, and it all ends with the two women smiling lovingly at each other. Yes, lovingly.
Also, I love the fact that Maura is an etymology geek. ♥
Next up: Frankie needs to talk to Jane about their parents. Nothing interesting there, per se (did you know that if one writes that without the space, "perse", it means "arse" in Finnish? Well, now you do), but then the waitress shows up and Jane slips. Oh, does she ever.
Waitress: Can I get you guys anything else?
Rizzoli: Oh, so many things.
Yeah, like a quickie. Jane, your gay is showing. AGAIN. She's totally flirting with the girl until it becomes obvious there's something going on between her and Frankie. Man, Jane and Frankie should go cruising for women together. It would be epic.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch lab...
Frost: [pointing at the indentation around the victim's wrist] Doc, what's this?
Isles: Adhesive residue. [...] Duct tape. His wrists were taped together. [...]
Frost: Did the killer use a scalpel? [A/N: Oh noes!1111!!!]
Isles: [realising it's Hoyt] I have to find Jane.
Well, of course you do. And of course it's Maura's alone who breaks the news to Jane. Instead of Frost, Jane's partner. Draw your own conclusions, peeps.
But damn, things are about to get even gayer. No, I don't know how it's possible either; we're only missing a rainbow bumper sticker, a DYI tool kit and a U-Haul by now.
First of all, we get gay slouching and meaningful looks.
Mon dieu. I wonder if someone told Angie Harmon to sit like that, or if she came up with it all on her own. Either way, I think I lost a whole bunch of brain sells just by looking at these caps.
And then. Then. Maura offers to stay until the cavalry gets there, so that Jane can go to sleep.
Isles: [points to the gun] Give me that.
Rizzoli: No, it's loaded.
Isles: I'll stay up!
Rizzoli: It's loaded. No.
Isles: Magazine capacity fifteen. Trigger pull 2.5kg, line of sight 153mm...
[Jane looking at Maura in awe]
But wait, the story gets better!
Rizzoli: Have you ever shot one?
Isles: Umm... [grins] No.
Rizzoli: No.
Isles: But I'm a fast learner.
Yes, it's going exactly where we all hope it would. Nevermind that Jane is probably breaking like a dozen rules by handing over her gun to a complete outsider, this is way too hot for us to pay attention to such trivial details.
Note how Isles is completely enchanted by Rizzoli handling the gun.
Holy crap. Yep, feeling happy...in my pants! I think my ovaries would've sang an aria had Jane positioned herself behind Maura in order to correct her stance, but I'll gladly take this as well.
Also, Jane's "You look good" line is perfect, as is Maura's amused "You're laughing at me". It's disgustingly sweet, actually.
And finally, to finish us all off, the following takes place (after Jane has affectionally rubbed Maura's thigh for a wee while):
Isles: Jane?
Rizzoli: Yeah?
Isles: Do I look badass?
Rizzoli: [smiles] Yeah, you look like a badass.
Aaaaand we're nine minutes into the episode. Oh, the gods of femslash, I'm not worthy!
We find out that someone's stalking Jane's building, then it's suddenly morning, and it's obvious that Maura spent the entire night at Jane's. Glorious.
She's discussing the case with Frost when Korsak turns up and lo, the testosterone level suddenly goes up into the stratosphere. As the two men are comparing the size of their penises (Maura's words, not mine), Maura finally shows her claws and shuts them up, because no one wakes up her girlfriend with all this penis talk.
Maura's worry over Jane is as clear as day, but in case we need reminding, they kindly included yet another example:
[Maura looking slightly uncomfortable]
Rizzoli: Are you okay?
Isles: [hesistant] It's very distracting to work in a wrinkled dress.
Rizzoli: So go home and change!
Isles: No, no. I'm not leaving you.
LKHJflkngljknfgölamf. Their love is so epic and pure! *tear*
But then Dean the FBI Agent with a bad haircut shows up and makes us all gag. Seriously, who denied him access to scissors? The coffee "date" that follows is so ridiculously awkward that I want to close my eyes and yell out the theme tune to The Golden Girls. Thank you for being a frieeeeeend~
There's an autopsy, Maura giving Dean disapproving looks, and, eventually, the boss removing Jane off the case. Hoyt is dragged over to the precinct (so darn wise) and interrogated by none other than Isles. The realism is through the roof, guys!
Jane and Korsak share a moment. It's corny, but at least we finally find out why they're not partners anymore.
And then we're back to femslash again. Hoyt says something to Maura during the interrogation ("You're like me") which makes her all angsty. Jane, naturally, picks up on this and sends Dean packing so that she can talk with her "friend".
Maura confides in Jane, telling that she was a weird kid, always a loner, how she was neglected and sent to boarding school when she was ten. Awww, poor bb. There's romantic violin music playing on the background and Jane looking at Maura like she wants to hug her forever.
See my point?
Well, there's no hug (damn you, TPTB, damn you!), but there's hand holding of the femslashy kind.
Rizzoli: [stretching out her hands] Come here. [taking Maura's hands in hers] No matter what happened to you, you're nothing like that monster. Okay? Yeah, you're a little antisocial maybe, a little goofy. But that's not the same thing. Okay?
[eye!shagging like woah]
Rizzoli: Man, we're a pair.
Isles: [softly] Thank you.
The looks they keep giving each other throughout the whole thing are INSANE. Compare this scene with the one at the coffee shop (between Jane and Badhair), and you'll know these two are the real canon paring of the show.
So, to balance out the drama-lama, we get a lighter scene in which Jane talks about Frankie's "occipital spatula", and Maura spews out facts about the connection between domestic chores and divorce. Yay.
More crime solving. Boring. First, Maura uses an algorithm (of ridiculousness!) on a security footage in order to capture a mirror image off of someone's frigging eye (too much CSI, writers). She then figures out that the woman they thought was a victim is *gasp* the perp! Maura's "Oh, my God. Jane." sums it all up.
The perp is making dinner at Jane's (this show is too good to be true), and Frankie eventually shoots her - the waitress Jane so shamelessly flirted with in the beginning. Nice.
And we wrap things up with a totally useless scene of Rizzoli and Dean the Twat having dinner. Dean tries to get into Jane's pants, but Jane refuses. Afterwards she, nevertheless, decides to suck his monkey face goodbye. Her reaction once she abruptly pulls back?
"Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuck. Not working, didn't feel anything with him either. What is happening to me?!"
Like I mentioned a few weeks back, absolutely everything on this show can be explained through femslash. It's EPIC.
Speaking of Angie Harmon, the world is a better place, because she loves the gays. Haters to the left~! I'm done feeling guilty for lusting after her, no matter how planned that talk show appearance was. And did you SEE her legs? UNF.
And while I'm spamming with YT vids, here's the Criminal Minds Season 5 blooper reel.
Click to viewFU, CBS.