Utter fabulousness, anyone?
Kurt Vonnegut is my new hero. Now I get it why Emily Prentiss is geeking out about his books; he's a frigging genius! Probably not since "A Hundred Years of Solitude" by Gabriel García Marquez has a book impressed me as much as "Breakfast of the Champions" by Vonnegut ("Slaughterhouse 5" is also incredible). Spot-on social criticism and deliciously subtle humour. Kilgore Trout!
A nice segway to Criminal Minds and last night's brand new episode. There's no way this week's 40 minutes could've possibly been worse than last week's, so I was incredibly happy to simply see the new team gone. But oh, my God, "Rite of Passage" was basically one moment of Emily awesomeness after another! All that snark! AND SOMEONE TURNED UP THE GHEY LIKE WOAH.
- I don't even know if the case was good or not. All I can think about is the UTTER FABULOUSNESS of one Agent Prentiss who made this episode top notch. They're giving Emily a lot of material at the moment and I, for one, am absolutely loving it!
- It's JJ's fringe that is the worst this week. Too clear-cut. The blue shirt of hotness helps a little in the beginning.
- The fact that the fictional town was located in Brewster County (see Sheriff's uniform) amuses me greatly.
- EMILY WAS AMAZING. AND GAY. AND ALL THOSE THINGS WHICH MAKE ME ALL GIDDY AND ANNOYING.
- Why does Emily suddenly call Hotch "sir"? Weird. And speaking of Hotch, it's hilarious how the team is in the middle of a desert (everyone is dressed appropriately), but Hotch is still wearing a suit.
- All the deputies annoyed the hell out of me, but I still didn't guess one of them was the unsub. Brilliant writing in that respect. Also, getting rid of the Sheriff? Surprising, but a really nice plot twist.
The Emily Prentiss Guide to How to Be Awesome & Just a Little Bit Cooler Than Anyone Else
I. Know How to Drive.
Sporting sun glasses and having a vibe of badass-ery is a plus. BUT. Although it's a bit like smoking (as in, looks kinda hot, but is so very bad for you), you should never be on the phone while driving. Hands-free, Emily. Hands-free.
In addition, the more bullets coming through the windshield you can dodge, the more respect you get.
II. Wear Shirts That Make the Fangirls' Brains Go *POP*
Example #1: A simple grey shirt that hugs your body in just the right places. Even JJ seems slightly taken aback by the mind-blowing hotness. Nevermind the odd haircut with the strips of hair that look like sideburns when looked from a certain angle.
Moreover, as this scene perfectly illustrates, wearing mindblowingly hot shirts is directly related to your role in a group. Let me explain this with a simple equation:
Emily wearing a hot shirt + Hotch not present = Emily taking charge + being clearly superior. It's true.
***
Example #2: A simple red shirt with a 'HOLY CRAP THAT IS ONE LOW CLEAVAGE' cleavage. A nice combination with sun glasses, gives one a look of professionalism which is responsible for everyone else's brain dripping out of their ears.
A particularly nice look when being outside.
III. Sit Gay. No One Will Hear a Thing You Say.
A marvellous tool in general, but especially perfect in case you want to distract the fangirls and make sure they don't hear a word coming out of your mouth.
Yeah, I have no idea what she said. But that is one seriously dyke-y way to sit. And on a table of all pieces of furniture. Even Morgan sits more girly!
IV. Be Snarky.
Example #1: Introducing a little black humour to the mix is never a bad thing.
Emily: [stepping inside] Oh, God!
Reid: Guys, just breathe through your nose like normal. Smell is the weakest sense, in a few more minutes you won't even notice it.
Emily: What about the taste?!?
[a few minutes later]
Emily: I'm ready for the smell weakness to kick in anytime, Reid.
***
Example #2: Snark is a way to bond with your best mates. And it makes you cool.
[Morgan taking down a suspect]
Emily: [impressed] Nice.
Morgan: I played a little strong safety in college.
Emily: No idea what that means.
See? Bonding. The entire episode is a fabulous Emily/Morgan friendship one; I haven't liked Morgan this much since...I can't even remember. Also, note Emily deliciously licking her lips.
Also, is this a subtle reference to Emily's past abroad? Does every American know what strong safety is? I bet Emily googled it afterwards, though, just like I did. Ahem.
V. Speak Other Languages.
The more genuine your pronunciation is, the better. Emily demonstrates that not only does she speak Spanish, but she actually speaks it rather well. Her eyeroll of superiority at the unsub's "I don't speak English" line is priceless. Because that is *so* not a problem for her. She's a language genius. And I, for one, find that so ridiculously hot that I could just sit on my butt all day, listening to her recite random sentences in different languages. Preferably while wearing kevlar and a gun. Oh, and one of those UNF-type shirts and cargo trousers.
So. I suddenly feel like a total pervert.
Anyway.
Suspect: No hablo inglés.
Emily: [eyeroll] FBI. Tenemos algunas preguntas.
Like we'd say in Finland: ähäkutti!
So yes. Emily keeps speaking Spanish and my IQ drops a little with every word she utters. The bottom line: languages = HOT.
VI. Be Subtle When Hitting on People.
Never be too obvious, because that's just off-putting. Instead, tread carefully and the other person will never know what hit them.
Stage #1: When the target of your affections is nearby, strike a pose that indicates you're totally gay for them. Just like this:
Stage #2: After the gay pose, nonchalantly, and completely unnecessarily, reach out and touch the other person. But remember not to linger too long, because people around you will notice.
Stage #3: Now that you have their attention, say something witty or intelligent, thus demonstrating that you have both the looks and the brains.
Works like a charm. Remember to maintain the pose till the end, because it makes everything twice as poignant.
VII. Wear Hot and Stylish Accessories.
Some brilliant choices for said accessories: cargo boots, jeans, gay!watch, kevlar, gun attached to the hip...
Also, as we've seen so many times before, a stance of gayness only hightens the effect of it all. Let Emily show you how it's done:
Indeed, note the effect of the hands-in-pockets stance of utter gayness in the last two caps.
VIII. Always Remain Calm - It Makes Others Look More Dumb.
Scolding people when you actually have a legitimate reason to do so makes you look that much cooler.
Goral: [The Immigrants] only want a better life!
Deputy: Well, they ought to come through the front door!
Emily: [stepping forward] Erm, gentlemen? Another day? [...] Do you know anything about the heads that were left in front of the Sheriff's station a few days ago?
Goral: Everyone does. My clients were terrified.
Deputy: [scoffs] Clients...
Emily: [poignantly] Deputy.
It's like reprimanding school children. And Emily's coolness factor about doubles.
A completely pointless side note that has absolutely nothing to do with figuratively snapping people on the fingers, but OMG Emily looks totally edible in jeans (well, as well):
BRB, GETTING MY NITROS.
IX. Be Like One of the Guys.
Everything from Emily's conduct to her snarky bitching shows that she's not "the girl" of the group, but an equal & just as capable as the rest of them. And it's all so gay that my brain is doing somersaults.
I MEAN LOOK AT THAT BELT AND THE TROUSERS AND THE BOOTS AND...!!!
[Morgan and Emily stepping out of the car after the shooting]
Hotch: You alright?
Morgan: Yeah!
Emily: No!
Emily: [to Morgan] Are you out of your mind? You blew out my eardrum!
Morgan: What did you want me to do? He was coming right at us.
Emily: I TOLD you I had him.
Morgan: He was shooting at us, Emily.
Emily: Well, you could've given me a heads up!
Morgan: A loaded MP-5 and a lunatic shooting at us wasn't enough? C'mon.
[Emily still moping & walking away, shaking her head]
ONE OF THE BEST SCENES EVER.
Again, the Morgan/Emily friendship stuff is just terrific, because these two are totally BFFs (they're picking up women together at bars, mark my words). And it's obvious that neither of them is actually pissed off at the other, even Rossi & Hotch let it play out without butting in.
And oh, Emily's mock bitching wins at life. ♥
Next week: Repeat. And the same the week after that. And the week after that. *major eyeroll* But the season finale has been scheduled to May 26th.
As for non-fandom matters, I'm exactly halfway through my semester in Madrid, which is just insane to think about. Where has all the time gone?? There are so many things I still want to do & places I want to see, and although some of them are already on the way (Basque Country next week, Malta the week after! \o/ ), I doubt I'll have time to do it all. I know, cry moar, you biatch.
A nice segway to Criminal Minds and last night's brand new episode. There's no way this week's 40 minutes could've possibly been worse than last week's, so I was incredibly happy to simply see the new team gone. But oh, my God, "Rite of Passage" was basically one moment of Emily awesomeness after another! All that snark! AND SOMEONE TURNED UP THE GHEY LIKE WOAH.
- I don't even know if the case was good or not. All I can think about is the UTTER FABULOUSNESS of one Agent Prentiss who made this episode top notch. They're giving Emily a lot of material at the moment and I, for one, am absolutely loving it!
- It's JJ's fringe that is the worst this week. Too clear-cut. The blue shirt of hotness helps a little in the beginning.
- The fact that the fictional town was located in Brewster County (see Sheriff's uniform) amuses me greatly.
- EMILY WAS AMAZING. AND GAY. AND ALL THOSE THINGS WHICH MAKE ME ALL GIDDY AND ANNOYING.
- Why does Emily suddenly call Hotch "sir"? Weird. And speaking of Hotch, it's hilarious how the team is in the middle of a desert (everyone is dressed appropriately), but Hotch is still wearing a suit.
- All the deputies annoyed the hell out of me, but I still didn't guess one of them was the unsub. Brilliant writing in that respect. Also, getting rid of the Sheriff? Surprising, but a really nice plot twist.
The Emily Prentiss Guide to How to Be Awesome & Just a Little Bit Cooler Than Anyone Else
I. Know How to Drive.
Sporting sun glasses and having a vibe of badass-ery is a plus. BUT. Although it's a bit like smoking (as in, looks kinda hot, but is so very bad for you), you should never be on the phone while driving. Hands-free, Emily. Hands-free.
In addition, the more bullets coming through the windshield you can dodge, the more respect you get.
II. Wear Shirts That Make the Fangirls' Brains Go *POP*
Example #1: A simple grey shirt that hugs your body in just the right places. Even JJ seems slightly taken aback by the mind-blowing hotness. Nevermind the odd haircut with the strips of hair that look like sideburns when looked from a certain angle.
Moreover, as this scene perfectly illustrates, wearing mindblowingly hot shirts is directly related to your role in a group. Let me explain this with a simple equation:
Emily wearing a hot shirt + Hotch not present = Emily taking charge + being clearly superior. It's true.
***
Example #2: A simple red shirt with a 'HOLY CRAP THAT IS ONE LOW CLEAVAGE' cleavage. A nice combination with sun glasses, gives one a look of professionalism which is responsible for everyone else's brain dripping out of their ears.
A particularly nice look when being outside.
III. Sit Gay. No One Will Hear a Thing You Say.
A marvellous tool in general, but especially perfect in case you want to distract the fangirls and make sure they don't hear a word coming out of your mouth.
Yeah, I have no idea what she said. But that is one seriously dyke-y way to sit. And on a table of all pieces of furniture. Even Morgan sits more girly!
IV. Be Snarky.
Example #1: Introducing a little black humour to the mix is never a bad thing.
Emily: [stepping inside] Oh, God!
Reid: Guys, just breathe through your nose like normal. Smell is the weakest sense, in a few more minutes you won't even notice it.
Emily: What about the taste?!?
[a few minutes later]
Emily: I'm ready for the smell weakness to kick in anytime, Reid.
***
Example #2: Snark is a way to bond with your best mates. And it makes you cool.
[Morgan taking down a suspect]
Emily: [impressed] Nice.
Morgan: I played a little strong safety in college.
Emily: No idea what that means.
See? Bonding. The entire episode is a fabulous Emily/Morgan friendship one; I haven't liked Morgan this much since...I can't even remember. Also, note Emily deliciously licking her lips.
Also, is this a subtle reference to Emily's past abroad? Does every American know what strong safety is? I bet Emily googled it afterwards, though, just like I did. Ahem.
V. Speak Other Languages.
The more genuine your pronunciation is, the better. Emily demonstrates that not only does she speak Spanish, but she actually speaks it rather well. Her eyeroll of superiority at the unsub's "I don't speak English" line is priceless. Because that is *so* not a problem for her. She's a language genius. And I, for one, find that so ridiculously hot that I could just sit on my butt all day, listening to her recite random sentences in different languages. Preferably while wearing kevlar and a gun. Oh, and one of those UNF-type shirts and cargo trousers.
So. I suddenly feel like a total pervert.
Anyway.
Suspect: No hablo inglés.
Emily: [eyeroll] FBI. Tenemos algunas preguntas.
Like we'd say in Finland: ähäkutti!
So yes. Emily keeps speaking Spanish and my IQ drops a little with every word she utters. The bottom line: languages = HOT.
VI. Be Subtle When Hitting on People.
Never be too obvious, because that's just off-putting. Instead, tread carefully and the other person will never know what hit them.
Stage #1: When the target of your affections is nearby, strike a pose that indicates you're totally gay for them. Just like this:
Stage #2: After the gay pose, nonchalantly, and completely unnecessarily, reach out and touch the other person. But remember not to linger too long, because people around you will notice.
Stage #3: Now that you have their attention, say something witty or intelligent, thus demonstrating that you have both the looks and the brains.
Works like a charm. Remember to maintain the pose till the end, because it makes everything twice as poignant.
VII. Wear Hot and Stylish Accessories.
Some brilliant choices for said accessories: cargo boots, jeans, gay!watch, kevlar, gun attached to the hip...
Also, as we've seen so many times before, a stance of gayness only hightens the effect of it all. Let Emily show you how it's done:
Indeed, note the effect of the hands-in-pockets stance of utter gayness in the last two caps.
VIII. Always Remain Calm - It Makes Others Look More Dumb.
Scolding people when you actually have a legitimate reason to do so makes you look that much cooler.
Goral: [The Immigrants] only want a better life!
Deputy: Well, they ought to come through the front door!
Emily: [stepping forward] Erm, gentlemen? Another day? [...] Do you know anything about the heads that were left in front of the Sheriff's station a few days ago?
Goral: Everyone does. My clients were terrified.
Deputy: [scoffs] Clients...
Emily: [poignantly] Deputy.
It's like reprimanding school children. And Emily's coolness factor about doubles.
A completely pointless side note that has absolutely nothing to do with figuratively snapping people on the fingers, but OMG Emily looks totally edible in jeans (well, as well):
BRB, GETTING MY NITROS.
IX. Be Like One of the Guys.
Everything from Emily's conduct to her snarky bitching shows that she's not "the girl" of the group, but an equal & just as capable as the rest of them. And it's all so gay that my brain is doing somersaults.
I MEAN LOOK AT THAT BELT AND THE TROUSERS AND THE BOOTS AND...!!!
[Morgan and Emily stepping out of the car after the shooting]
Hotch: You alright?
Morgan: Yeah!
Emily: No!
Emily: [to Morgan] Are you out of your mind? You blew out my eardrum!
Morgan: What did you want me to do? He was coming right at us.
Emily: I TOLD you I had him.
Morgan: He was shooting at us, Emily.
Emily: Well, you could've given me a heads up!
Morgan: A loaded MP-5 and a lunatic shooting at us wasn't enough? C'mon.
[Emily still moping & walking away, shaking her head]
ONE OF THE BEST SCENES EVER.
Again, the Morgan/Emily friendship stuff is just terrific, because these two are totally BFFs (they're picking up women together at bars, mark my words). And it's obvious that neither of them is actually pissed off at the other, even Rossi & Hotch let it play out without butting in.
And oh, Emily's mock bitching wins at life. ♥
Next week: Repeat. And the same the week after that. And the week after that. *major eyeroll* But the season finale has been scheduled to May 26th.
As for non-fandom matters, I'm exactly halfway through my semester in Madrid, which is just insane to think about. Where has all the time gone?? There are so many things I still want to do & places I want to see, and although some of them are already on the way (Basque Country next week, Malta the week after! \o/ ), I doubt I'll have time to do it all. I know, cry moar, you biatch.