Interview Part 1 [Harry/Draco]
Title: Interview Part 1 (y’know, this could go on forever..)
Author: iP
Pairing: Harry/Draco plz
Genre: Crack, anything rofl
Rating: PG-13 for NC-17 gross topics ;P
Summary: *cough*
Disclaimer: All J.K.’s. If this resembles something, then sorry. >.< The fics mentioned here, please allow me to do so. m(__)m
A.N.: Prease to comment onegaishimasu!
*****
Harry: (yawns and realizes he’s beside Draco on a bed) What the hell!
Draco: (groans) What…huh? Potter! Not again! (sits up)
Harry: (irritated) Dammit, Malfoy… I’m the one who’s supposed to say that.
Draco: What happened?
Harry: Uh, I dunno-argh! I got it! That bloke (points frantically at random places) made us-
Draco: No! NO! Don’t say it! (covers ears)
Harry: --shag the living daylights out of each other!
Draco: I TOLD YOU NOT TO SAY IT, MORON! (turning pink)
Harry: (looks at you, reader o_o) For the benefit of the doubt.
Draco: (cocks an eyebrow) I see. o_O
Harry: Who are those damn jerks who are using us anyway? If that J.K. Rowling didn’t-
Draco: Yeah, yeah, “didn’t give our cover, we would be living in peace right now.” You’ve said that a hundred times already.
Harry: But it’s true…
Draco: How about Voldemort?
Harry: (rolls eyes) I’d rather face Voldemort, as in face-to-face, rather than seeing his arse, or the thing opposite it. You know what I mean.
Draco: You sounded like a girl. (sneers)
Harry: (ears turning pink) Hey!
Draco: Couldn’t even say the word. (leers at Harry) Like you don’t have it. (a/n. I’m the author and I’m a girl! How the heck I’m going to be confident saying that word?)
Draco: Patience, my dear author.
*****
Harry: Malfoy…
Draco: (annoyed) What, Potter?
Harry: (looks down on the floor) Well… I just-for the umpteenth time… When are we going to end this rivalry?
Draco: Life sucks. (sighs) You know that you perfectly know the right answer to that one.
Harry: Okay…uh… When Voldemort dies?
Draco: No, you idiot! When J.K. finally gets her sense back and pities us.
Harry: J.K., I’m going to hex you to oblivion!
Draco: Then we’d all die. (ogles O_O) use your brain, bollock.
Harry: Oh yeah. Life sucks. Life’s unfair.
Draco: Hmmm. You’ve succeeded in changing the topic. But not quite.
Harry: (stares O.O) What was that?!?
Draco: You couldn’t say… the ‘thing’.
Harry: Well, I’ve never done it on my own, eh…
Draco: Potter. You are a big boy now. Repeat after me, ‘sex’. You’ve used the term ‘shag’ for a hollow effect. Again, ‘sex’.
Harry: (glares daggers at Draco)
Draco: Sooooo… You’re saying that you’ve had sexcapades with Voldemort?
Harry: (moans loudly in frustration)
Draco: Ahhh. Reminiscing what happened? Good. You’ve even remembered your most exciting part there. Encore!
Harry: Shaddup.
Draco: Voldemort, (loudly) Tom Riddle, my father, Dumbledore, Sirius, Remus, Snape, Ron, Seamus, Dean, Colin, Justin, Oliver, Hagrid, Filch? That’s gross.
Harry: Not a period (.), make that exclamation point (!).
Draco: That’s gross!
Harry: (rolls eyes) Good. How about you?
Draco: I’ve had… (counts) Snape, Sirius, Remus, Voldemort, Tom Riddle, Oliver Wood, Percy, the Weasley twins, Weasley, my father, Blaise, what else-
Harry: Anything--
Draco: -that moves.
Harry: Yeah-wait, no.
Draco: Huh?
Harry: Last week I’ve seen Dobby shagging Sir Cadogan.
Draco: (belches) Revolting.
Harry: Absolutely disgusting. To think, a statue?
Draco: Super perverted minds these authors have. (stares at author) Like you.
Harry: Anyway, I’ve seen the Sorting Hat and Mrs. Norris. In the Owlery. Need to tell?
Draco: No thanks. Poor Filch, though. His only love, and the Hat-
Harry: Tsk tsk tsk. (shakes head)
Draco: Potter, the girls?
Harry: Uh… (stutters) C-Cho, Hermione, Ginny, Luna, Parvati, Lavender… weird ones like Professor McGonagall, the others.
Draco: Good for you. (sighs) I’ve had Maxime.
Harry: Oh no! The half-giant who’s got bones smaller than a dinosaur? I pity you, Malfoy.
Draco: I’ve heard that you’re taking Grawp. Or the other way around. (grins sadistically) Prepare, Potter.
Harry: The fuck who’ve thought of that?!?
Draco: (hears something) What? Me? Trelawney? That hag? AAAAAAAAAAAAGHHH!
Harry: Bad karma’s really fast.
Draco: Shaddup.
*****
Harry: I remember the Death Eaters-how many were they?-32 men, perhaps. And I was a slave.
Draco: (nods) A slave that would fulfill all their fantasies…
Harry: (glares) You were there.
Draco: (smiles mockingly) I was one of them.
Harry: I couldn’t use the loo for a month! Properly, that is.
Draco: Difficulty, eh? Thought you’re a pro at that.
Harry: (stares) That’s the reason why I became a pro.
Draco: Oh.
Harry: I remember Sirius molested me. In my fics, that is. Godfather wouldn’t do that to me in real life.
Draco: Lucky.
Harry: Dumbledore and Minerva-er, Professor McGonagall too. In Dumbledore’s office. Goodness gracious great balls of fire!
Draco: Just because of J.K. Rowling.
Harry: (clenches fists) I’m going to get you, J.K.!
Draco: Everyone’s turned smutty because of our public viewing!
Harry: Poor innocent angels day-by-day turning their halos into horns! And devils!
Draco: Like the author of this damn conversation. (a/n. Me?)
Harry: I wonder who influenced her… (a/n hmmm.)
Draco: And now she’s spreading evil! Beware.
Harry: Hey author, someone’s calling us again, mind if we leave? Bye.
Draco: (winks) See ya.
Harry: Oh, and by the way, if you have any questions, suggestions, opinions, tell this perverse author what it is. She’ll tell us next time we meet. Thanks!
*****
part 2
Author: iP
Pairing: Harry/Draco plz
Genre: Crack, anything rofl
Rating: PG-13 for NC-17 gross topics ;P
Summary: *cough*
Disclaimer: All J.K.’s. If this resembles something, then sorry. >.< The fics mentioned here, please allow me to do so. m(__)m
A.N.: Prease to comment onegaishimasu!
*****
Harry: (yawns and realizes he’s beside Draco on a bed) What the hell!
Draco: (groans) What…huh? Potter! Not again! (sits up)
Harry: (irritated) Dammit, Malfoy… I’m the one who’s supposed to say that.
Draco: What happened?
Harry: Uh, I dunno-argh! I got it! That bloke (points frantically at random places) made us-
Draco: No! NO! Don’t say it! (covers ears)
Harry: --shag the living daylights out of each other!
Draco: I TOLD YOU NOT TO SAY IT, MORON! (turning pink)
Harry: (looks at you, reader o_o) For the benefit of the doubt.
Draco: (cocks an eyebrow) I see. o_O
Harry: Who are those damn jerks who are using us anyway? If that J.K. Rowling didn’t-
Draco: Yeah, yeah, “didn’t give our cover, we would be living in peace right now.” You’ve said that a hundred times already.
Harry: But it’s true…
Draco: How about Voldemort?
Harry: (rolls eyes) I’d rather face Voldemort, as in face-to-face, rather than seeing his arse, or the thing opposite it. You know what I mean.
Draco: You sounded like a girl. (sneers)
Harry: (ears turning pink) Hey!
Draco: Couldn’t even say the word. (leers at Harry) Like you don’t have it. (a/n. I’m the author and I’m a girl! How the heck I’m going to be confident saying that word?)
Draco: Patience, my dear author.
*****
Harry: Malfoy…
Draco: (annoyed) What, Potter?
Harry: (looks down on the floor) Well… I just-for the umpteenth time… When are we going to end this rivalry?
Draco: Life sucks. (sighs) You know that you perfectly know the right answer to that one.
Harry: Okay…uh… When Voldemort dies?
Draco: No, you idiot! When J.K. finally gets her sense back and pities us.
Harry: J.K., I’m going to hex you to oblivion!
Draco: Then we’d all die. (ogles O_O) use your brain, bollock.
Harry: Oh yeah. Life sucks. Life’s unfair.
Draco: Hmmm. You’ve succeeded in changing the topic. But not quite.
Harry: (stares O.O) What was that?!?
Draco: You couldn’t say… the ‘thing’.
Harry: Well, I’ve never done it on my own, eh…
Draco: Potter. You are a big boy now. Repeat after me, ‘sex’. You’ve used the term ‘shag’ for a hollow effect. Again, ‘sex’.
Harry: (glares daggers at Draco)
Draco: Sooooo… You’re saying that you’ve had sexcapades with Voldemort?
Harry: (moans loudly in frustration)
Draco: Ahhh. Reminiscing what happened? Good. You’ve even remembered your most exciting part there. Encore!
Harry: Shaddup.
Draco: Voldemort, (loudly) Tom Riddle, my father, Dumbledore, Sirius, Remus, Snape, Ron, Seamus, Dean, Colin, Justin, Oliver, Hagrid, Filch? That’s gross.
Harry: Not a period (.), make that exclamation point (!).
Draco: That’s gross!
Harry: (rolls eyes) Good. How about you?
Draco: I’ve had… (counts) Snape, Sirius, Remus, Voldemort, Tom Riddle, Oliver Wood, Percy, the Weasley twins, Weasley, my father, Blaise, what else-
Harry: Anything--
Draco: -that moves.
Harry: Yeah-wait, no.
Draco: Huh?
Harry: Last week I’ve seen Dobby shagging Sir Cadogan.
Draco: (belches) Revolting.
Harry: Absolutely disgusting. To think, a statue?
Draco: Super perverted minds these authors have. (stares at author) Like you.
Harry: Anyway, I’ve seen the Sorting Hat and Mrs. Norris. In the Owlery. Need to tell?
Draco: No thanks. Poor Filch, though. His only love, and the Hat-
Harry: Tsk tsk tsk. (shakes head)
Draco: Potter, the girls?
Harry: Uh… (stutters) C-Cho, Hermione, Ginny, Luna, Parvati, Lavender… weird ones like Professor McGonagall, the others.
Draco: Good for you. (sighs) I’ve had Maxime.
Harry: Oh no! The half-giant who’s got bones smaller than a dinosaur? I pity you, Malfoy.
Draco: I’ve heard that you’re taking Grawp. Or the other way around. (grins sadistically) Prepare, Potter.
Harry: The fuck who’ve thought of that?!?
Draco: (hears something) What? Me? Trelawney? That hag? AAAAAAAAAAAAGHHH!
Harry: Bad karma’s really fast.
Draco: Shaddup.
*****
Harry: I remember the Death Eaters-how many were they?-32 men, perhaps. And I was a slave.
Draco: (nods) A slave that would fulfill all their fantasies…
Harry: (glares) You were there.
Draco: (smiles mockingly) I was one of them.
Harry: I couldn’t use the loo for a month! Properly, that is.
Draco: Difficulty, eh? Thought you’re a pro at that.
Harry: (stares) That’s the reason why I became a pro.
Draco: Oh.
Harry: I remember Sirius molested me. In my fics, that is. Godfather wouldn’t do that to me in real life.
Draco: Lucky.
Harry: Dumbledore and Minerva-er, Professor McGonagall too. In Dumbledore’s office. Goodness gracious great balls of fire!
Draco: Just because of J.K. Rowling.
Harry: (clenches fists) I’m going to get you, J.K.!
Draco: Everyone’s turned smutty because of our public viewing!
Harry: Poor innocent angels day-by-day turning their halos into horns! And devils!
Draco: Like the author of this damn conversation. (a/n. Me?)
Harry: I wonder who influenced her… (a/n hmmm.)
Draco: And now she’s spreading evil! Beware.
Harry: Hey author, someone’s calling us again, mind if we leave? Bye.
Draco: (winks) See ya.
Harry: Oh, and by the way, if you have any questions, suggestions, opinions, tell this perverse author what it is. She’ll tell us next time we meet. Thanks!
*****
part 2