so take to the streets (with apocalypse refrain)
Title: so take to the streets (with apocalypse refrain)
Author: Ellie (lyricsandhearts)
Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush, and the title and cut text are from The Apocalypse Song by St. Vincent.
Rating: Light R for violence/intense situations
Pairings: James/Carlos, sort of implied Kendall/Logan
Warnings: Language, zombies, all the stuff that comes with zombies (gore, violence, character death). It's also kind of soul-crushingly depressing, if that counts as a warning.
Summary: What do you do when you've lost almost everyone you've ever known? What about when they're still there, but... They aren't themselves? And what do you do when the world is truly against you?
Author's Notes: Before I start: Yes, I wrote this one. Okay, I like, freaked out at what an amazing reaction this fic got. That was. Unexpected. XD I'm actually really proud of it, which is surprising, and I was so nervous when it got posted that people would be all, "THIS IS CHRISTMAS, YOU FOOL," haha. So the fact that so many people liked it... Yeah. You guys are all fabulous. Especially technicallysane, seeing as this was gifted to her! ♥ Also, huge thanks to Katybeth for being my awesome beta-type person and reassuring me that this was good. *g* ♥
"Shit."
James has his back up against the door, trying to ignore the thumping and moaning and groaning and general zombie-ness that's going on behind it. Someone-- well, something-- or-- ugh, he has no idea what to call them-- is pounding on it like a freaking meat cleaver, and James's back is going to be sore in the morning from all of this (trusting that he makes it to morning, but he prefers to ignore that thought).
And now someone/thing/whatever is slamming a bedroom door from inside the apartment, and James's heart stops for a second before he realizes that it's just Carlos. He almost sinks to the ground in relief.
"You're back," Carlos exhales, as if he'd been holding his breath the entire time James was gone. He looks like he's been crying. "I thought you weren't coming back."
James shakes his head, swallowing. His throat is dry and he's afraid to inhale because everything smells dead, and what if whatever it is is in the air? He can't take that risk. None of them can afford that.
"I'm fine," he says, "don't worry about it."
Carlos is still staring at him with puppy-dog eyes, his arms crossed tightly, standing as far away from the door as possible while still being as close as he can to James.
"You're sure?" he asks. "You didn't get hurt on the way or anything?"
"Well--" James shifts; the thing is still beating on the door, groaning and clanging and God knows what else-- "I'm going to be hurt if this thing doesn't go away soon. Do you want me to--"
"No!" Carlos yells, eyes widening. "Don't do it! N-not yet, at least let me leave first."
"Carlos!" Kendall yells from his and Logan's room, and James hears footsteps coming closer. "Where did you--"
Kendall sees James and pauses to stare.
"Oh, thank God," he says after a brief moment of terrible silence. "You've been gone for an hour, we didn't--"
"I'm fine," James repeats. "Don't worry about it."
Kendall glances at James's pocket.
"You got a gun," he says blankly.
"Yup."
"Did you shoot..." Kendall begins, but stops. "On the way back, did you..."
"Yeah. I did."
Kendall sighs and closes his eyes for a second. When he's done, he walks over to help James hold the door closed.
"Anybody we know?"
"No," James says, avoiding Kendall's eyes. It's a total lie; he saw Bitters on the way back to the apartment. Bitters was all Z'd out and had tried to attack him. It was self-defense, he assures himself, and tries to console himself with the fact that he'd never liked Bitters all that much anyway.
It doesn't help.
But Kendall falls for it, or at least pretends to, because he nods and presses up closer to the door. The thing is getting madder (and smarter, by the sound of it) by the minute, and now it's trying to work the doorknob, and James and Kendall are doing a pretty crap job of keeping the door shut.
"D'you know who this one is?"
James shakes his head.
"I didn't get to see its face, but I know it's a girl." This time he's telling the truth. And maybe it's better if he doesn't know who it is.
Logan walks in, carrying a notebook and looking entirely disheveled.
"Hey James," he says, sounding slightly manic but unsurprised. James is only a little affronted by this. "Kendall, I've finished the escape plan, and, um, I just need to run a few points by you to make sure it works..."
At that moment, James can't hold his weight against the door anymore. He falls to the ground and Kendall yells, "James, what are you doing?!" before the door bursts open and Kendall is slammed up against the wall.
The thing that was banging at the door is now standing in the doorway, slouching and reaching its arms out, moaning. James can barely see its pale, already decaying face through curtains of dark, dirty, matted hair, but he can see just enough that his stomach sinks and he feels the strong urge to vomit.
Camille.
Logan drops his notebook and Carlos begins to sob.
James grabs his gun and points it directly at the thing's head. It turns to glare at him.
"Camille..." Logan whispers, almost transfixed.
"That's not Camille," James mutters. His hands are shaking. "It's not. Camille is already gone."
He glances over to the door: Kendall is unconscious. Concussion, probably.
That's not going to be much help.
"Carlos, I'm going to toss you the gun," he says slowly, calmly, "and you're going to shoot it."
The thing that used to be Camille is snarling, but being oddly still. It hasn't tried to attack anyone yet. That only makes the suspense a million times worse.
Carlos shakes his head, still crying and shaking violently.
"I c-can't..."
"Carlos, you're the best shot here. Logan never learned, Kendall is, for all intents and purposes, not here--" this only makes Carlos sob harder-- "and let's face it, I've already gone through my supply of luck today. Just shoot it!"
"I can't do it, James..."
"James!" Logan hisses, speaking up for the first time in what seems like years. "He can't do it. You can't make him. You know he can't do it, just-- just shoot her yourself!" He seems shocked that he would even suggest it, but shakes his head and sighs. "Please. You... You're just making it harder."
The thing growls and James inhales sharply. The room smells strongly-- or maybe James's sense of smell is just working overdrive-- of rotting flesh and the perfume Camille wears. Used to wear. Whatever.
It growls again, this time moving forward, (incredibly) slowly but surely, and James only has one chance. He grasps the gun with both hands, points it straight at the thing's head once more, and fires twice.
The shell that used to contain Camille Baker falls to the ground, most of the contents of its brain splattered over the walls of 2J.
Logan gasps.
Carlos turns away, still crying hysterically.
James doesn't know how to feel, so he settles for not feeling anything at all.
*
By the time Kendall wakes up, James has already taken the corpse down to the pool.
Kendall asks what happened while he was out.
James decides it's better not to tell him.
*
After Katie gets bitten, Mrs. Knight spends most of her time holed up in her room.
Kendall ignores it, pretends it didn't happen, almost pretends Katie never existed. Part of James wants to slap him for being so unfeeling (he misses Katie almost unbearably, and he wasn't even her brother), but part of him wants to congratulate him for keeping so calm. He's the leader. They need a leader. If Kendall had gone over the edge, where would they be now?
One day, James, Kendall, and Logan leave Carlos to protect Mrs. Knight, if the need arises, and go out to find some food. It's been three weeks since the outbreak reached the Palmwoods, and with four teenage boys (Mrs. Knight hasn't been eating at all, no matter how much Kendall begs her to), they're seriously lacking in the food department.
They manage to find a stocked minifridge under Bitters's desk (he had been hoarding; go figure) and are celebrating their good fortune (well, James is celebrating. Kendall and Logan are simply hugging each other tightly and grinning like nothing else matters in the world, which, well, it might be a form of celebrating, but James realizes that's probably only part of it, since it's, well, Kendall and Logan) when James hears something fall.
A vase.
Afraid to turn around, he says, "H-hello?"
In reply, a loud groan and shuffling footsteps.
James might throw up.
Kendall and Logan suddenly break apart; Kendall, who has the gun this time, grabs it from his bag (which is now so full of food, he has to dig for it) and points it directly at the zombie. He makes a small, terrified, pitiful noise.
It's Jett.
Its gray face is almost entirely unrecongnizable, but it's obviously Jett; it's even wearing the same clothes as when they saw him last.
Kendall gulps and adjusts the gun in his hands, stepping closer to the thing for a better aim.
He pulls the trigger.
Nothing happens.
James's heart stops, and Kendall inhales sharply. He shakes the gun, beginning to panic, and tries to shoot again.
Nothing.
And suddenly, the thing that used to be Jett is lunging toward Logan.
"No!" Kendall screams, and throws himself in front of Logan.
And now the thing has Kendall trapped by his neck.
James is frozen for a single moment (a moment too long), but moves quickly as soon as he can. He runs toward Kendall and the thing, grabbing the gun that Kendall had dropped.
The thing is trying to bite Kendall, but he keeps fighting against it. He fidgets and tries to break free, almost choking himself in the process, but to no avail; it only holds tighter. Kendall keeps fighting, rasping out, "Logan, I-- James-- help--"
James throws the gun aside and tries to rip the thing's arm from around Kendall's neck. It doesn't work-- well, mostly. Its arm comes halfway off, ripping like a torn seam, and James is sickened.
The thing, furious, turns towards James. It takes one last look at Kendall, then takes its good arm and breaks his neck. It tosses him aside.
James doesn't know what to do.
"Kendall!" Logan yells, eyes wide. He's utterly pale, and tears are starting to fill his eyes. "Kendall..." He falls to his knees beside Kendall, who is limp and lifeless, and James feels completely, entirely hopeless. He's going to die. They're both going to die.
Everyone is going to die.
The thing snarls and starts shambling towards James. Its arm falls all the way off in the process. That only makes it more angry.
James falls to the ground and starts crawling, desperately searching for the gun. Even if it won't shoot, he can still hit the monster with the barrel... Come on, where is it...
The thing is getting closer, and it's reaching out to grab James, and he's going to die, this can't be happening, why is this happening, when it collapses and tumbles over to the left.
Behind where it was standing is Logan, brandishing a frying pan and looking manic, crazed, and entirely crushed.
James closes his eyes, holding back tears.
"Where did you--"
"Bitters's desk," Logan interrupts in a dazed voice. "It was beside the fridge."
"Of course it was," James sighs. Then he remembers.
Kendall.
He rushes over, but it's too late, much too late.
Kendall is dead.
Despite himself, James starts to laugh.
Of course, he thinks, Of course. Just like Kendall to go out in a fucking blaze of glory. Just like Kendall to be too fucking perfect and pure to even get changed first.
Logan is sobbing now, burying his face in his hands and muttering, "No, Kendall, no, no, no..."
"C'mon dude," James says softly after a few minutes that are silent other than Logan's crying. "We have to get back with the food."
"No, I can't leave him," Logan says, kneeling beside Kendall's corpse, "I can't leave him..."
A few minutes of quiet coaxing later, he's gotten Logan up, sniffling and gathering bags of food.
"Bye, Kendall," James sighs, trying his hardest to not let it sink in.
Kendall is gone.
They haven't got a leader anymore.
He finds the gun.
He walks slowly over to it and picks it up, giving it one look over, and holds it tightly in his hand.
The next time he tries to shoot it (they encounter a rogue Jennifer on the way back up and he's desperate), it works perfectly.
*
That night, after they tell Mrs. Knight about Kendall, she sneaks out and gets herself bitten.
James wakes up when she trips over a something on the way out and starts to cry. He knows where she's going, but he also knows how she must feel.
He doesn't try to stop her.
*
He shoots four people he used to know the next week: Jo, Lightning, Lil' Lee Roth, and Guitar Dude.
He had witnessed Guitar Dude get bitten. Poor guy had obviously thought that since zombie bites make humans zombies, human bites must make zombies human. He'd tried to bite Lee. It didn't work out too well for him, and James had to shoot them both.
Jo had been the hardest yet to shoot. She'd obviously been Z'd out for quite a while, and since nobody had seen her since Day 1, they had assumed as much. When he confronted her, even though she was barely recognizable, barely even humanoid, she was still so clearly Jo that it hurt. She had looked at him almost like she recognized him before he shot her straight throught the brain. He tries not to think about it anymore.
Logan and Carlos both refuse to even touch the gun, so James is alone on the shooting front.
Carlos is more of help than Logan, since at least he can strategize. Er, somewhat. And he can spot zombies like nobody's business. Logan has simply gone off the deep end and has less than one percent of his normal smart, cool, and logicalness. He's more of a hindrance than a help, truthfully, but he's Logan. James loves him, Carlos loves him, and who knows, maybe he'll go back to normal? Either way, James can't just put him out like that. Especially since he knows it's not Logan's fault. Especially not in these times.
Ever since Kendall died, James has had to be the leader. Carlos is too fragile, Logan is too crazy, and the only adult they had left is now off zombie-ing around somewhere. He has to be the leader.
They need a leader.
*
One day, Carlos pushes James up against a wall and kisses him senseless.
"I'm sorry," he says, "I'm sorry, but I love you, I've loved you since forever, I love you and we're going to die and I can't do this without telling you and I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
He slumps against the wall and buries his face in his hands.
"It's okay," says James, and adds, without thinking, "I love you too." He immediately stops, almost correcting himself with, "as a friend, a brother, I mean," when he realizes that's he's suffering from a distinct lack of regret. And he realizes that it's true.
It's the first spot of hope he's felt in God knows how long.
Let's just say that they make the rest of that day worth their while.
*
That spot of hope doesn't last too long.
Carlos gets bitten a few days later.
James doesn't know by who. What. Whatever.
He doesn't witness it, but when he walks down to the lobby to find Carlos and sees him, suddenly pale and starting to rot and groaning and not Carlos...
He's never felt more terrified and angry and absolutely heartbroken in his life.
He carries the gun with him at all times these days, but he can't bring himself to draw it. He just stands there, staring, hoping he's just dreaming.
"James? James, I--"
Logan (who has slowly been getting better, going back to normal) is suddenly behind him, gasping and staring.
"No. It isn't..."
He runs in front of James and grabs him by the shoulders.
"James, tell me this isn't happening," he begs. "Please. Please."
James just shakes his head.
Logan turns around slowly to face Carlos, who has spotted them and is shuffling toward them now. He walks closer.
"Logan?" James whispers. "Logan, don't..."
But it's too late.
Carlos doesn't bother to turn him, he just... Eats him. It's disgusting to watch, but James is frozen, transfixed. He can't turn away.
He reminds himself that this isn't Carlos. Carlos is already gone.
It doesn't help.
Carlos-- the thing-- is coming towards him now, but he's stil frozen. And then he remembers his gun.
He points it at Carlos.
He looks at the scattered remains that used to be Logan, at what used to be the Palmwoods lobby and is now in complete disarray, at everything that he was too blind and stupid to see before.
He points it at himself instead.
"I'm sorry," he says to Carlos, to Logan, to Kendall and Camille and Jo and Mrs. Knight and everyone else.
And it's over.
Author: Ellie (lyricsandhearts)
Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush, and the title and cut text are from The Apocalypse Song by St. Vincent.
Rating: Light R for violence/intense situations
Pairings: James/Carlos, sort of implied Kendall/Logan
Warnings: Language, zombies, all the stuff that comes with zombies (gore, violence, character death). It's also kind of soul-crushingly depressing, if that counts as a warning.
Summary: What do you do when you've lost almost everyone you've ever known? What about when they're still there, but... They aren't themselves? And what do you do when the world is truly against you?
Author's Notes: Before I start: Yes, I wrote this one. Okay, I like, freaked out at what an amazing reaction this fic got. That was. Unexpected. XD I'm actually really proud of it, which is surprising, and I was so nervous when it got posted that people would be all, "THIS IS CHRISTMAS, YOU FOOL," haha. So the fact that so many people liked it... Yeah. You guys are all fabulous. Especially technicallysane, seeing as this was gifted to her! ♥ Also, huge thanks to Katybeth for being my awesome beta-type person and reassuring me that this was good. *g* ♥
"Shit."
James has his back up against the door, trying to ignore the thumping and moaning and groaning and general zombie-ness that's going on behind it. Someone-- well, something-- or-- ugh, he has no idea what to call them-- is pounding on it like a freaking meat cleaver, and James's back is going to be sore in the morning from all of this (trusting that he makes it to morning, but he prefers to ignore that thought).
And now someone/thing/whatever is slamming a bedroom door from inside the apartment, and James's heart stops for a second before he realizes that it's just Carlos. He almost sinks to the ground in relief.
"You're back," Carlos exhales, as if he'd been holding his breath the entire time James was gone. He looks like he's been crying. "I thought you weren't coming back."
James shakes his head, swallowing. His throat is dry and he's afraid to inhale because everything smells dead, and what if whatever it is is in the air? He can't take that risk. None of them can afford that.
"I'm fine," he says, "don't worry about it."
Carlos is still staring at him with puppy-dog eyes, his arms crossed tightly, standing as far away from the door as possible while still being as close as he can to James.
"You're sure?" he asks. "You didn't get hurt on the way or anything?"
"Well--" James shifts; the thing is still beating on the door, groaning and clanging and God knows what else-- "I'm going to be hurt if this thing doesn't go away soon. Do you want me to--"
"No!" Carlos yells, eyes widening. "Don't do it! N-not yet, at least let me leave first."
"Carlos!" Kendall yells from his and Logan's room, and James hears footsteps coming closer. "Where did you--"
Kendall sees James and pauses to stare.
"Oh, thank God," he says after a brief moment of terrible silence. "You've been gone for an hour, we didn't--"
"I'm fine," James repeats. "Don't worry about it."
Kendall glances at James's pocket.
"You got a gun," he says blankly.
"Yup."
"Did you shoot..." Kendall begins, but stops. "On the way back, did you..."
"Yeah. I did."
Kendall sighs and closes his eyes for a second. When he's done, he walks over to help James hold the door closed.
"Anybody we know?"
"No," James says, avoiding Kendall's eyes. It's a total lie; he saw Bitters on the way back to the apartment. Bitters was all Z'd out and had tried to attack him. It was self-defense, he assures himself, and tries to console himself with the fact that he'd never liked Bitters all that much anyway.
It doesn't help.
But Kendall falls for it, or at least pretends to, because he nods and presses up closer to the door. The thing is getting madder (and smarter, by the sound of it) by the minute, and now it's trying to work the doorknob, and James and Kendall are doing a pretty crap job of keeping the door shut.
"D'you know who this one is?"
James shakes his head.
"I didn't get to see its face, but I know it's a girl." This time he's telling the truth. And maybe it's better if he doesn't know who it is.
Logan walks in, carrying a notebook and looking entirely disheveled.
"Hey James," he says, sounding slightly manic but unsurprised. James is only a little affronted by this. "Kendall, I've finished the escape plan, and, um, I just need to run a few points by you to make sure it works..."
At that moment, James can't hold his weight against the door anymore. He falls to the ground and Kendall yells, "James, what are you doing?!" before the door bursts open and Kendall is slammed up against the wall.
The thing that was banging at the door is now standing in the doorway, slouching and reaching its arms out, moaning. James can barely see its pale, already decaying face through curtains of dark, dirty, matted hair, but he can see just enough that his stomach sinks and he feels the strong urge to vomit.
Camille.
Logan drops his notebook and Carlos begins to sob.
James grabs his gun and points it directly at the thing's head. It turns to glare at him.
"Camille..." Logan whispers, almost transfixed.
"That's not Camille," James mutters. His hands are shaking. "It's not. Camille is already gone."
He glances over to the door: Kendall is unconscious. Concussion, probably.
That's not going to be much help.
"Carlos, I'm going to toss you the gun," he says slowly, calmly, "and you're going to shoot it."
The thing that used to be Camille is snarling, but being oddly still. It hasn't tried to attack anyone yet. That only makes the suspense a million times worse.
Carlos shakes his head, still crying and shaking violently.
"I c-can't..."
"Carlos, you're the best shot here. Logan never learned, Kendall is, for all intents and purposes, not here--" this only makes Carlos sob harder-- "and let's face it, I've already gone through my supply of luck today. Just shoot it!"
"I can't do it, James..."
"James!" Logan hisses, speaking up for the first time in what seems like years. "He can't do it. You can't make him. You know he can't do it, just-- just shoot her yourself!" He seems shocked that he would even suggest it, but shakes his head and sighs. "Please. You... You're just making it harder."
The thing growls and James inhales sharply. The room smells strongly-- or maybe James's sense of smell is just working overdrive-- of rotting flesh and the perfume Camille wears. Used to wear. Whatever.
It growls again, this time moving forward, (incredibly) slowly but surely, and James only has one chance. He grasps the gun with both hands, points it straight at the thing's head once more, and fires twice.
The shell that used to contain Camille Baker falls to the ground, most of the contents of its brain splattered over the walls of 2J.
Logan gasps.
Carlos turns away, still crying hysterically.
James doesn't know how to feel, so he settles for not feeling anything at all.
*
By the time Kendall wakes up, James has already taken the corpse down to the pool.
Kendall asks what happened while he was out.
James decides it's better not to tell him.
*
After Katie gets bitten, Mrs. Knight spends most of her time holed up in her room.
Kendall ignores it, pretends it didn't happen, almost pretends Katie never existed. Part of James wants to slap him for being so unfeeling (he misses Katie almost unbearably, and he wasn't even her brother), but part of him wants to congratulate him for keeping so calm. He's the leader. They need a leader. If Kendall had gone over the edge, where would they be now?
One day, James, Kendall, and Logan leave Carlos to protect Mrs. Knight, if the need arises, and go out to find some food. It's been three weeks since the outbreak reached the Palmwoods, and with four teenage boys (Mrs. Knight hasn't been eating at all, no matter how much Kendall begs her to), they're seriously lacking in the food department.
They manage to find a stocked minifridge under Bitters's desk (he had been hoarding; go figure) and are celebrating their good fortune (well, James is celebrating. Kendall and Logan are simply hugging each other tightly and grinning like nothing else matters in the world, which, well, it might be a form of celebrating, but James realizes that's probably only part of it, since it's, well, Kendall and Logan) when James hears something fall.
A vase.
Afraid to turn around, he says, "H-hello?"
In reply, a loud groan and shuffling footsteps.
James might throw up.
Kendall and Logan suddenly break apart; Kendall, who has the gun this time, grabs it from his bag (which is now so full of food, he has to dig for it) and points it directly at the zombie. He makes a small, terrified, pitiful noise.
It's Jett.
Its gray face is almost entirely unrecongnizable, but it's obviously Jett; it's even wearing the same clothes as when they saw him last.
Kendall gulps and adjusts the gun in his hands, stepping closer to the thing for a better aim.
He pulls the trigger.
Nothing happens.
James's heart stops, and Kendall inhales sharply. He shakes the gun, beginning to panic, and tries to shoot again.
Nothing.
And suddenly, the thing that used to be Jett is lunging toward Logan.
"No!" Kendall screams, and throws himself in front of Logan.
And now the thing has Kendall trapped by his neck.
James is frozen for a single moment (a moment too long), but moves quickly as soon as he can. He runs toward Kendall and the thing, grabbing the gun that Kendall had dropped.
The thing is trying to bite Kendall, but he keeps fighting against it. He fidgets and tries to break free, almost choking himself in the process, but to no avail; it only holds tighter. Kendall keeps fighting, rasping out, "Logan, I-- James-- help--"
James throws the gun aside and tries to rip the thing's arm from around Kendall's neck. It doesn't work-- well, mostly. Its arm comes halfway off, ripping like a torn seam, and James is sickened.
The thing, furious, turns towards James. It takes one last look at Kendall, then takes its good arm and breaks his neck. It tosses him aside.
James doesn't know what to do.
"Kendall!" Logan yells, eyes wide. He's utterly pale, and tears are starting to fill his eyes. "Kendall..." He falls to his knees beside Kendall, who is limp and lifeless, and James feels completely, entirely hopeless. He's going to die. They're both going to die.
Everyone is going to die.
The thing snarls and starts shambling towards James. Its arm falls all the way off in the process. That only makes it more angry.
James falls to the ground and starts crawling, desperately searching for the gun. Even if it won't shoot, he can still hit the monster with the barrel... Come on, where is it...
The thing is getting closer, and it's reaching out to grab James, and he's going to die, this can't be happening, why is this happening, when it collapses and tumbles over to the left.
Behind where it was standing is Logan, brandishing a frying pan and looking manic, crazed, and entirely crushed.
James closes his eyes, holding back tears.
"Where did you--"
"Bitters's desk," Logan interrupts in a dazed voice. "It was beside the fridge."
"Of course it was," James sighs. Then he remembers.
Kendall.
He rushes over, but it's too late, much too late.
Kendall is dead.
Despite himself, James starts to laugh.
Of course, he thinks, Of course. Just like Kendall to go out in a fucking blaze of glory. Just like Kendall to be too fucking perfect and pure to even get changed first.
Logan is sobbing now, burying his face in his hands and muttering, "No, Kendall, no, no, no..."
"C'mon dude," James says softly after a few minutes that are silent other than Logan's crying. "We have to get back with the food."
"No, I can't leave him," Logan says, kneeling beside Kendall's corpse, "I can't leave him..."
A few minutes of quiet coaxing later, he's gotten Logan up, sniffling and gathering bags of food.
"Bye, Kendall," James sighs, trying his hardest to not let it sink in.
Kendall is gone.
They haven't got a leader anymore.
He finds the gun.
He walks slowly over to it and picks it up, giving it one look over, and holds it tightly in his hand.
The next time he tries to shoot it (they encounter a rogue Jennifer on the way back up and he's desperate), it works perfectly.
*
That night, after they tell Mrs. Knight about Kendall, she sneaks out and gets herself bitten.
James wakes up when she trips over a something on the way out and starts to cry. He knows where she's going, but he also knows how she must feel.
He doesn't try to stop her.
*
He shoots four people he used to know the next week: Jo, Lightning, Lil' Lee Roth, and Guitar Dude.
He had witnessed Guitar Dude get bitten. Poor guy had obviously thought that since zombie bites make humans zombies, human bites must make zombies human. He'd tried to bite Lee. It didn't work out too well for him, and James had to shoot them both.
Jo had been the hardest yet to shoot. She'd obviously been Z'd out for quite a while, and since nobody had seen her since Day 1, they had assumed as much. When he confronted her, even though she was barely recognizable, barely even humanoid, she was still so clearly Jo that it hurt. She had looked at him almost like she recognized him before he shot her straight throught the brain. He tries not to think about it anymore.
Logan and Carlos both refuse to even touch the gun, so James is alone on the shooting front.
Carlos is more of help than Logan, since at least he can strategize. Er, somewhat. And he can spot zombies like nobody's business. Logan has simply gone off the deep end and has less than one percent of his normal smart, cool, and logicalness. He's more of a hindrance than a help, truthfully, but he's Logan. James loves him, Carlos loves him, and who knows, maybe he'll go back to normal? Either way, James can't just put him out like that. Especially since he knows it's not Logan's fault. Especially not in these times.
Ever since Kendall died, James has had to be the leader. Carlos is too fragile, Logan is too crazy, and the only adult they had left is now off zombie-ing around somewhere. He has to be the leader.
They need a leader.
*
One day, Carlos pushes James up against a wall and kisses him senseless.
"I'm sorry," he says, "I'm sorry, but I love you, I've loved you since forever, I love you and we're going to die and I can't do this without telling you and I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
He slumps against the wall and buries his face in his hands.
"It's okay," says James, and adds, without thinking, "I love you too." He immediately stops, almost correcting himself with, "as a friend, a brother, I mean," when he realizes that's he's suffering from a distinct lack of regret. And he realizes that it's true.
It's the first spot of hope he's felt in God knows how long.
Let's just say that they make the rest of that day worth their while.
*
That spot of hope doesn't last too long.
Carlos gets bitten a few days later.
James doesn't know by who. What. Whatever.
He doesn't witness it, but when he walks down to the lobby to find Carlos and sees him, suddenly pale and starting to rot and groaning and not Carlos...
He's never felt more terrified and angry and absolutely heartbroken in his life.
He carries the gun with him at all times these days, but he can't bring himself to draw it. He just stands there, staring, hoping he's just dreaming.
"James? James, I--"
Logan (who has slowly been getting better, going back to normal) is suddenly behind him, gasping and staring.
"No. It isn't..."
He runs in front of James and grabs him by the shoulders.
"James, tell me this isn't happening," he begs. "Please. Please."
James just shakes his head.
Logan turns around slowly to face Carlos, who has spotted them and is shuffling toward them now. He walks closer.
"Logan?" James whispers. "Logan, don't..."
But it's too late.
Carlos doesn't bother to turn him, he just... Eats him. It's disgusting to watch, but James is frozen, transfixed. He can't turn away.
He reminds himself that this isn't Carlos. Carlos is already gone.
It doesn't help.
Carlos-- the thing-- is coming towards him now, but he's stil frozen. And then he remembers his gun.
He points it at Carlos.
He looks at the scattered remains that used to be Logan, at what used to be the Palmwoods lobby and is now in complete disarray, at everything that he was too blind and stupid to see before.
He points it at himself instead.
"I'm sorry," he says to Carlos, to Logan, to Kendall and Camille and Jo and Mrs. Knight and everyone else.
And it's over.