time to decide
when did reality get so.... forceful? i guess i expected that this day would come, i just figured i would be the one who got to decide when that was. but i guess life doesnt wait for you to make up your mind, it just keeps going on without you. I dont think im ready for this, but im not sure i ever would have been. its the elephant in the room,
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You know you're strong enough for this. Your father made these decisions, not you. I think you have a very healthy outlook on this whole entire situation. You know it's not your fault, you know who is to blame, you know you are an amazing, wonderful, beautiful, special person both because and in spite of him. You will never make the mistakes he did, you wont surround yourself with people who made those mistakes either, you're too smart for that. It's his loss that he will never know you. It is sad and tragic, because I know my life has been enriched and blessed because I know you and your family... he will never know that, and I feel sorry for him because of that. He will never see the great things I know you are destined to do.
You are not a bad person because you will feel relief instead of sadness when he finally passes. You mourned the death of the father you knew and loved many many years ago. The man you will be in the same room with is not your father, he is the sad pathetic shell of a man that your father left behind. I love your cousin, but I do disagree... I agree with you that there are no winners in your situation (no one will be victorious), but I do believe you need to do this. I think it's something that years from now (many, many, many years) you will look back and be content that you did this.
Just know that I LOVE YOU! With all my heart and I know you can and will get through this. Please give your whole family a huge hug from me. I know this is a tough time, but because of your father you are an incredibly strong person.
I love you Kira ::kisses::
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i love you too janine, very much. <3
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