oh the tragedy of life....
first of all, check out my actual livejournal (as in not just on your friends browser) and you'll see that my new allium icon is conveniently matched to my new background. that is all.
"now for the comedy..."
this weekend was a spectacular movie watching bonanza. patton. rushmore. so i married an axe murderer. camp. manic. funny girl. the 4400. the chronicles of narnia. the whole concept of sitting in a la-z-boy for an entire weekend is pathetic and comical. at least i watched some of my favorite movies. but mostly in this marathon, my little bitty fingers were busy working on 13 bracelets, 2 necklaces, and 3 scarves for daisysewing.com . aka i worked like a madwoman! finally to ol' arthritis which my parents so generously passed down to me kicked me out of craftwork commision, and by 9:00pm, i was left in destitute pain, craft limbo for the weary. which brings me to my pains.
"and finally the tragedy...."
this morning my shoulder MRI was read by the good dr. k. ---SLAP tear, plus resulting shoulder joint alignment issues. elective surgery is the only solution, and i'm in enough pain every day so that "elective" really isn't a choice. i have to get surgery. and now for the timing issues.
the earliest surgery would be mid july. great, except that the recovery time is 3 to 6 months in a sling with p.t. and no typing. in one month from july i would be moving to brooklyn for graduate school. issues: out of state facilities for p.t.; follow-up appts; being in a sling and living alone in nyc; typing papers and notes; laundry; groceries; holy hell everything is an issue!
my dad looked me right in and the eyes and knew that my eyes said "there is no way in f--ing hell that i'm not going to graduate school (however rational or irrational that is)". yeah, it was a complicated look.
so then what. i lose my parents insurance coverage when i turn 25. i can't go onto a new plan with a new job or something and expect this surgery and rehab to get paid for, as it would then be a preexisting condition, thus not covered. but how the hell does one get a job anyways, when they're unable to drive, type, etc.???
i can't just go home and get the surgery done after graduate school--- not after all of the networking i just built in two years of graduate school. i know i need to jump into my career right after getting the degree.
so, the only feasible option (i think) is surgery during the summer of 2007. this option means an entire useless, non-working summer, plus still 3 months of recovery in new york. is it even possible? i haven't a clue.
conclusion: i'm screwed any way you look at it, and to boot i'm in a lot of pain.
second conclusion: i regret falling down those stairs while holding an infant five years ago. thank god i didn't drop the baby, that's why my arm is so out of whack. i have nightmares about that night. imagine what my life would be like if i had dropped that baby on the hard wooden floor down a steep set of stairs. and then look at what my life is because i held onto her. god, your life can change in one instant.
third conclusion: yes, i too wonder how i lived 5 whole years with such a substantial injury. answer (i think): todd carried my laundry for two whole years, my brother and dad moved me in every year, i didn't carry a bookbag ever, i hardly drove a lick, i basically laid off of it for four years. then this job comes along. sit in front of a computer for 8 hours a day. bad chair. desk at bad height. terrible angles. factor in a long-term relationship and crunching the cell phone in between my head and shoulder every night for the past year. factor in some heavy lifting i should not have done 2 months ago at my high school. factor in enough stress to kill you (serious, my blood pressure has risen, i've popped my jaw out in my sleep three times, i've almost gone batty this year) and boom, you've got yourself a substantial injury.
fourth conclusion: send me sympathy mix cd's/ tapes. hehehe.
"now for the comedy..."
this weekend was a spectacular movie watching bonanza. patton. rushmore. so i married an axe murderer. camp. manic. funny girl. the 4400. the chronicles of narnia. the whole concept of sitting in a la-z-boy for an entire weekend is pathetic and comical. at least i watched some of my favorite movies. but mostly in this marathon, my little bitty fingers were busy working on 13 bracelets, 2 necklaces, and 3 scarves for daisysewing.com . aka i worked like a madwoman! finally to ol' arthritis which my parents so generously passed down to me kicked me out of craftwork commision, and by 9:00pm, i was left in destitute pain, craft limbo for the weary. which brings me to my pains.
"and finally the tragedy...."
this morning my shoulder MRI was read by the good dr. k. ---SLAP tear, plus resulting shoulder joint alignment issues. elective surgery is the only solution, and i'm in enough pain every day so that "elective" really isn't a choice. i have to get surgery. and now for the timing issues.
the earliest surgery would be mid july. great, except that the recovery time is 3 to 6 months in a sling with p.t. and no typing. in one month from july i would be moving to brooklyn for graduate school. issues: out of state facilities for p.t.; follow-up appts; being in a sling and living alone in nyc; typing papers and notes; laundry; groceries; holy hell everything is an issue!
my dad looked me right in and the eyes and knew that my eyes said "there is no way in f--ing hell that i'm not going to graduate school (however rational or irrational that is)". yeah, it was a complicated look.
so then what. i lose my parents insurance coverage when i turn 25. i can't go onto a new plan with a new job or something and expect this surgery and rehab to get paid for, as it would then be a preexisting condition, thus not covered. but how the hell does one get a job anyways, when they're unable to drive, type, etc.???
i can't just go home and get the surgery done after graduate school--- not after all of the networking i just built in two years of graduate school. i know i need to jump into my career right after getting the degree.
so, the only feasible option (i think) is surgery during the summer of 2007. this option means an entire useless, non-working summer, plus still 3 months of recovery in new york. is it even possible? i haven't a clue.
conclusion: i'm screwed any way you look at it, and to boot i'm in a lot of pain.
second conclusion: i regret falling down those stairs while holding an infant five years ago. thank god i didn't drop the baby, that's why my arm is so out of whack. i have nightmares about that night. imagine what my life would be like if i had dropped that baby on the hard wooden floor down a steep set of stairs. and then look at what my life is because i held onto her. god, your life can change in one instant.
third conclusion: yes, i too wonder how i lived 5 whole years with such a substantial injury. answer (i think): todd carried my laundry for two whole years, my brother and dad moved me in every year, i didn't carry a bookbag ever, i hardly drove a lick, i basically laid off of it for four years. then this job comes along. sit in front of a computer for 8 hours a day. bad chair. desk at bad height. terrible angles. factor in a long-term relationship and crunching the cell phone in between my head and shoulder every night for the past year. factor in some heavy lifting i should not have done 2 months ago at my high school. factor in enough stress to kill you (serious, my blood pressure has risen, i've popped my jaw out in my sleep three times, i've almost gone batty this year) and boom, you've got yourself a substantial injury.
fourth conclusion: send me sympathy mix cd's/ tapes. hehehe.