huckabees quotes that i love
The Notable Members of the Cast (in order of my quotes):
Mark Wahlberg- Tommy Corn
Jason Schwartzman- Albert Markovski
Jude Law- Brad Stand
Naomi Watts- Dawn Campbell
Dustin Hoffman- Vivian Jaffe
Lily Tomlin-Bernard Jaffe
-----------------------------------------
Tommy Corn: Ah, here he comes!
Albert Markovski: Oh, boy.
Tommy Corn: The man-poet who banged Frances - dark lady of philosophy. The parking lot crusader of truth... who turned his back on his other like a cold-blooded gangsta.
***
Brad Stand: How am I not myself?
***
Dawn Campbell: Brad, do you love me?
Brad Stand: I think so.
Dawn Campbell: With the bonnet?
Brad Stand: Ehhh...
***
Albert Markovski: No, I'm not. I'm talking about not covering every square inch with houses and strip malls until you can't remember what happens when you stand in a meadow at dusk.
Bret: What happens in the meadow at dusk?
Albert Markovski: Everything.
Mrs. Hooten: Nothing.
Albert Markovski: Everything.
Mrs. Hooten: Nothing.
Albert Markovski: It's beautiful.
Tommy Corn: It's beautiful.
***
Tommy Corn: We're not in infinity; we're in the suburbs.
***
Albert Markovski: [about the body bag exercise] I can't go back in there. It's all hating faces that I have to chop up with a machete!
***
Brad Stand: What happened to the gazelles? Did they get squashed under the CD department?
***
Dawn Campbell: I'm in my tree talking to the Dixie Chicks and they're making me feel better.
***
Albert Markovski: The interconnection thing is definitely for real.
Tommy Corn: It is! I didn't think it wasn't! It is!
Albert Markovski: I know, I can't believe it, it's so fantastic!
Tommy Corn: It's amazing!
Albert Markovski: I know.
Tommy Corn: But it's also nothing special.
***
Mr. Hooten: What happened to the cat, Albert?
Albert Markovski: How'd you know about my cat?
Mr. Hooten: Curiosity killed it.
Albert Markovski: Oh, that cat.
***
Mr. Hooten: God gave us oil! He gave it to us! How can God's gift be bad?
Tommy Corn: I don't know. He gave you a brain too and you messed that up pretty damn good.
Mr. Hooten: I want you sons of bitches out of my house now!
Tommy Corn: If Hitler were alive, he'd tell you not to think about oil.
Mrs. Hooten: *You're* the Hitler! We took a Sudanese refugee into our home!
Tommy Corn: You did. But how did Sudan happen, ma'am? Could it possibly be related to dictatorships that we support for some stupid reason?
Mr. Hooten: You shut up! You get out!
Tommy Corn: You shut up. [Throws a piece of food at Mr. Hooten]
***
Mrs. Hooten: Albert, what brought you to the philosophical club?
Albert Markovski: You mean the existential detectives?
Mr. Hooten: Sounds like a support group.
Cricket: Why can't he use the church?
Mrs. Hooten: Sometimes people have additional questions to be answered.
Cricket: Like what?
Albert Markovski: Well, um, for instance - if the forms of this world die, which is more real,the me that dies or the me that's infinite? Can I trust my habitual mind or do I need to learn to look beneath those things?
***
Mrs. Silver: God, what are you, a bitch? You're a bitch. How many kids do you have, bitch?
***
Albert Markovski: What is it, a crime? Is it a crime to look at Lange?
Vivian Jaffe: Albert, have you ever been in love?
Albert Markovski: What kind of question is that?
***
Tommy Corn: What are you doing tomorrow?
Albert Markovski: I was thinking about chaining myself to a bulldozer. Do you want to come?
Tommy Corn: What time?
Albert Markovski: Mmm... one, one-thirty.
Tommy Corn: Sounds good. Should I bring my own chains?
Albert Markovski: We always do.
***
Brad Stand: Shania hates mayo all right, and she can't eat chicken salad, thats no joke. We gave it to her once, she threw up in the limo - the lady hates chicken salad. So I bring out a bunch of tuna fish sandwiches - she still doesn't believe me - I say, Shania, I'm allergic to mayo - which, by the way, is a lie. Shania still doesn't believe me so I eat two of the sandwiches in front of her to prove it. So she eats one and a half sandwiches, one and a half sandwiches... before she realizes, its chicken salad.
***
Albert Markovski:
Nobody sits like this rock sits.
You rock, rock.
The rock just sits
and is.
You show us how to just sit here
and that's what we need.
***
Tommy Corn: I want my money back!
Albert Markovski: Yeah, and if I weren't pro bono, I'd want MY money back!
***
Dawn Campbell: There's glass between us. You can't deal with my infinite nature can you?
Brad Stand: That is so not true. Wait, what does that even mean?
***
Cricket: Jesus is never mad at us if we live with Him in our hearts!
Tommy Corn: I hate to break it to you, but He is - He most definitely is.
***
Albert Markovski: Motherfucking cocksucker motherfucking shit fucker what am I doing? What am I doing? I don't know what I'm doing. I'm doing the best that I can. I know that's all I can ask of myself. Is that good enough? Is my work doing any good? Is anybody paying attention? Is it hopeless to try and change things? The African guy is a sign, right? Because if he isn't, than nothing in this world makes any sense to me. I'm fucked! Maybe I should quit. Don't quit! Maybe I should just fucking quit. Don't fucking quit! I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to fucking do anymore! Fucker! Fuck shit!
***
Vivian Jaffe: Have you ever transcended space and time?
Albert Markovski: Yes. No. Uh, time, not space... No, I don't know what you're talking about.
Mark Wahlberg- Tommy Corn
Jason Schwartzman- Albert Markovski
Jude Law- Brad Stand
Naomi Watts- Dawn Campbell
Dustin Hoffman- Vivian Jaffe
Lily Tomlin-Bernard Jaffe
-----------------------------------------
Tommy Corn: Ah, here he comes!
Albert Markovski: Oh, boy.
Tommy Corn: The man-poet who banged Frances - dark lady of philosophy. The parking lot crusader of truth... who turned his back on his other like a cold-blooded gangsta.
***
Brad Stand: How am I not myself?
***
Dawn Campbell: Brad, do you love me?
Brad Stand: I think so.
Dawn Campbell: With the bonnet?
Brad Stand: Ehhh...
***
Albert Markovski: No, I'm not. I'm talking about not covering every square inch with houses and strip malls until you can't remember what happens when you stand in a meadow at dusk.
Bret: What happens in the meadow at dusk?
Albert Markovski: Everything.
Mrs. Hooten: Nothing.
Albert Markovski: Everything.
Mrs. Hooten: Nothing.
Albert Markovski: It's beautiful.
Tommy Corn: It's beautiful.
***
Tommy Corn: We're not in infinity; we're in the suburbs.
***
Albert Markovski: [about the body bag exercise] I can't go back in there. It's all hating faces that I have to chop up with a machete!
***
Brad Stand: What happened to the gazelles? Did they get squashed under the CD department?
***
Dawn Campbell: I'm in my tree talking to the Dixie Chicks and they're making me feel better.
***
Albert Markovski: The interconnection thing is definitely for real.
Tommy Corn: It is! I didn't think it wasn't! It is!
Albert Markovski: I know, I can't believe it, it's so fantastic!
Tommy Corn: It's amazing!
Albert Markovski: I know.
Tommy Corn: But it's also nothing special.
***
Mr. Hooten: What happened to the cat, Albert?
Albert Markovski: How'd you know about my cat?
Mr. Hooten: Curiosity killed it.
Albert Markovski: Oh, that cat.
***
Mr. Hooten: God gave us oil! He gave it to us! How can God's gift be bad?
Tommy Corn: I don't know. He gave you a brain too and you messed that up pretty damn good.
Mr. Hooten: I want you sons of bitches out of my house now!
Tommy Corn: If Hitler were alive, he'd tell you not to think about oil.
Mrs. Hooten: *You're* the Hitler! We took a Sudanese refugee into our home!
Tommy Corn: You did. But how did Sudan happen, ma'am? Could it possibly be related to dictatorships that we support for some stupid reason?
Mr. Hooten: You shut up! You get out!
Tommy Corn: You shut up. [Throws a piece of food at Mr. Hooten]
***
Mrs. Hooten: Albert, what brought you to the philosophical club?
Albert Markovski: You mean the existential detectives?
Mr. Hooten: Sounds like a support group.
Cricket: Why can't he use the church?
Mrs. Hooten: Sometimes people have additional questions to be answered.
Cricket: Like what?
Albert Markovski: Well, um, for instance - if the forms of this world die, which is more real,the me that dies or the me that's infinite? Can I trust my habitual mind or do I need to learn to look beneath those things?
***
Mrs. Silver: God, what are you, a bitch? You're a bitch. How many kids do you have, bitch?
***
Albert Markovski: What is it, a crime? Is it a crime to look at Lange?
Vivian Jaffe: Albert, have you ever been in love?
Albert Markovski: What kind of question is that?
***
Tommy Corn: What are you doing tomorrow?
Albert Markovski: I was thinking about chaining myself to a bulldozer. Do you want to come?
Tommy Corn: What time?
Albert Markovski: Mmm... one, one-thirty.
Tommy Corn: Sounds good. Should I bring my own chains?
Albert Markovski: We always do.
***
Brad Stand: Shania hates mayo all right, and she can't eat chicken salad, thats no joke. We gave it to her once, she threw up in the limo - the lady hates chicken salad. So I bring out a bunch of tuna fish sandwiches - she still doesn't believe me - I say, Shania, I'm allergic to mayo - which, by the way, is a lie. Shania still doesn't believe me so I eat two of the sandwiches in front of her to prove it. So she eats one and a half sandwiches, one and a half sandwiches... before she realizes, its chicken salad.
***
Albert Markovski:
Nobody sits like this rock sits.
You rock, rock.
The rock just sits
and is.
You show us how to just sit here
and that's what we need.
***
Tommy Corn: I want my money back!
Albert Markovski: Yeah, and if I weren't pro bono, I'd want MY money back!
***
Dawn Campbell: There's glass between us. You can't deal with my infinite nature can you?
Brad Stand: That is so not true. Wait, what does that even mean?
***
Cricket: Jesus is never mad at us if we live with Him in our hearts!
Tommy Corn: I hate to break it to you, but He is - He most definitely is.
***
Albert Markovski: Motherfucking cocksucker motherfucking shit fucker what am I doing? What am I doing? I don't know what I'm doing. I'm doing the best that I can. I know that's all I can ask of myself. Is that good enough? Is my work doing any good? Is anybody paying attention? Is it hopeless to try and change things? The African guy is a sign, right? Because if he isn't, than nothing in this world makes any sense to me. I'm fucked! Maybe I should quit. Don't quit! Maybe I should just fucking quit. Don't fucking quit! I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to fucking do anymore! Fucker! Fuck shit!
***
Vivian Jaffe: Have you ever transcended space and time?
Albert Markovski: Yes. No. Uh, time, not space... No, I don't know what you're talking about.