halloween parties at work
i'm sorry, i'm starting to feel like it's all a big sitcom. and my trailer doesn't have heat. being in the adult working world means:
:celebrating people's birthdays who you don't know outside of the office. awkward.
:awkward small talk, especially when it involves the dreams you have for your future and everyone around you looks at you funny because what they're doing right now at this job is what they'll be doing for the next 20 years. in the same uncomfortable chair.
:work halloween parties (a terrifying concept due to the general lack of humor around here)
:the understanding that not everyone received a good, solid education, despite the occasional master's degree. i have so many examples of this one. obvious shakespeare references that fall by the wayside in the mind of a shakespeare minor. plus, the grammar in this place kills me every day (see below).
:the most terrible soft rock station of all. light country hits by leann rhimes, plus lots of cher, hootie and the blowfish, and smashmouth.
:the morning hell ritual- "how was your evening?" to be followed by my dull response "it was okay" and then my obligatory "how was your evening?" to which the very nature of the conversation was meant. they didn't want to know how i was. they wanted to tell me about their grocery shopping, and house cleaning, and the wacky antics of their lazy, cruel husband/boyfriend, jail-ridden children, and perpetually-pooping pet. gosh, it's really what i've always wanted for every morning of my adult life.
:the pregnant girl who eats fish every day for lunch. a normal regular, non-pregnant woman isn't even advised to eat fish more than three times a week according to the Environmental Protection Agency. and hello, pregnant means you want those metals and toxins in your body EVEN less.
:and most of all, what drives me insane is the woman who is single and single and single and 50 and can't get a clue. she still thinks she might find a man and have kids. honey, it passed you. and honey, i don't ever want to hear about your singles groups again, or how you think john cusack was really endearing in Must Love Dogs (uhh, hello? have you ever seen a john cusack movie where he is any character other than the loveable, sort of pathetic but endearing man who gets the girl? you idiot, welcome to the last twenty years of cusack films), or how the other guy in Must Love Dogs was such a nice guy but turned out to be a real jerk (oh my god, was that not utterly predictable!?! to think, there was actually a foil character to cusack's good guy?!! this is shocking!). and also i never want to hear the following sentences uttered again (in no particular order):
i could hardly eat nothing.
i almost didn't eat and then i almost didn't come in. i didn't want to gas you guys out. haha. (yes she actually laughed good and hard after she uttered this).
nows i's gots a bird's eye view of 'em.
she not gonna get nothing outta that.
where she at now? every time i come in here she ain't never here!
and alls i'm going to do then.
there's too many accounts for nobody to know nothing.
somebody stoled it.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
:celebrating people's birthdays who you don't know outside of the office. awkward.
:awkward small talk, especially when it involves the dreams you have for your future and everyone around you looks at you funny because what they're doing right now at this job is what they'll be doing for the next 20 years. in the same uncomfortable chair.
:work halloween parties (a terrifying concept due to the general lack of humor around here)
:the understanding that not everyone received a good, solid education, despite the occasional master's degree. i have so many examples of this one. obvious shakespeare references that fall by the wayside in the mind of a shakespeare minor. plus, the grammar in this place kills me every day (see below).
:the most terrible soft rock station of all. light country hits by leann rhimes, plus lots of cher, hootie and the blowfish, and smashmouth.
:the morning hell ritual- "how was your evening?" to be followed by my dull response "it was okay" and then my obligatory "how was your evening?" to which the very nature of the conversation was meant. they didn't want to know how i was. they wanted to tell me about their grocery shopping, and house cleaning, and the wacky antics of their lazy, cruel husband/boyfriend, jail-ridden children, and perpetually-pooping pet. gosh, it's really what i've always wanted for every morning of my adult life.
:the pregnant girl who eats fish every day for lunch. a normal regular, non-pregnant woman isn't even advised to eat fish more than three times a week according to the Environmental Protection Agency. and hello, pregnant means you want those metals and toxins in your body EVEN less.
:and most of all, what drives me insane is the woman who is single and single and single and 50 and can't get a clue. she still thinks she might find a man and have kids. honey, it passed you. and honey, i don't ever want to hear about your singles groups again, or how you think john cusack was really endearing in Must Love Dogs (uhh, hello? have you ever seen a john cusack movie where he is any character other than the loveable, sort of pathetic but endearing man who gets the girl? you idiot, welcome to the last twenty years of cusack films), or how the other guy in Must Love Dogs was such a nice guy but turned out to be a real jerk (oh my god, was that not utterly predictable!?! to think, there was actually a foil character to cusack's good guy?!! this is shocking!). and also i never want to hear the following sentences uttered again (in no particular order):
i could hardly eat nothing.
i almost didn't eat and then i almost didn't come in. i didn't want to gas you guys out. haha. (yes she actually laughed good and hard after she uttered this).
nows i's gots a bird's eye view of 'em.
she not gonna get nothing outta that.
where she at now? every time i come in here she ain't never here!
and alls i'm going to do then.
there's too many accounts for nobody to know nothing.
somebody stoled it.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!