» yOuR qUiCkSiLvEr MoMeNt «
I can't sleep. I'm awake. I'm a bit out of it. No one is online. The time was set back an hour. I gained an hour of sleep. I suppose that's a good thing. Right? Turn back time.... don't you wish you could turn back time? I do. *sighs* I do.
Robbie
Robbie is out playing darts with a bunch -a- friends. He said he'd be home around 1 in da morning. It's 1 in da morning right now. I am sure he'll be out until 2 or 3... if not later. *sighs* Our lives are so different.
Mark
I talked with Mark for lil bitty tonight. Things were a lil weird, not in a bad way, they were.. just weren't... it wasn't the same. But I suppose that it can't be the same now. I dunno... blah. I just want friendship. *shrugs* I don't even know what he thinks. I don't even know what he feels. I don't know if he feels or thinks like I do. I get tempted to bring it up and ask, but I stop myself. Imna just let it go.... let it kinda fade. *thumbs up* SEVEN UP!
mmmmmmmmmmm hmmmmmmmmm
Eric
Eric has been wanting to call me and talk to me. I dunno. I miss him. I do. I don't know who he is anymore. I wish I did. I do. *sighs* To me.... when we talk.... he's someone I don't want to know. He's always cussing. Y'know, he always has... I'm the one who changed. I changed. Well.. yes, but he has too. He's just... I dunno. It's hard to explain. The Eric I knew wouldn't do some of the things that he does now. He wants to talk to me on the phone, and yeah, I'd love to. But then I know what it's like when I get on the phone. He's busy.. prolly going out the door. Talking to me.. sorta. He gets other calls.. or he just talks about one thing. And I don't even know him anymore. I don't know what to say to him. I'm a different person... and I wouldn't advise him like I would have before. *shrugs* I don't know what to think. He's not really around. We just come -n- go. And when he is around.... we have to fill each other in. I just hear about the same things... yet he knows nothing about my life. And if I tell him.. I feel empty. Like it was nothing. So I choose to keep to myself. I dunno. I miss the guy I used to know. I loved that guy. He was such a great friend. *sighs*
Ryan
Ryan. *sighs* Y'know it took me forever to get over Ryan. I don't know what happened between us. We don't talk anymore. I miss him. I miss the guy I used to know. That's just it... I've changed so much. Yes, I do think he has a lil bit. UGH! I s'pose that is normal, eh? Yeah. It's to be expected... just not desired. I remember the guy who rescued me. I remember the guy that I would talk to for hours on the phone. I remember the guy who loved to crack on me for being a tard when watching "Cast Away". *giggles -n- blushes* I remember the guy who brought over "Willow" when I was sick and watched it with me. I remember the guy who was my best friend. I remember the guy who watched me walk out from the darkness.. shaking... nervous.. wanting to know what was on his mind. He just looked at me and put his hand on my cheek and kissed me. And I knew. I remember the guy who drove me to the airport.. holding my hand.. supporting me... helping me...saying goodbye... I remember his face... his eyes... as I said goodbye. Does he remember our memories? Because I can't forget them. I'm not holding on to them. But he was such a big part of my life. And I don't understand what happened between us. When I talk to him.. I don't feel close to him. Sometimes I want to shout.. it's me! It's Desiree! Don't you remember me?! I'm not some la ti da whoever. I'm the girl that..... ugh. Honestly, I don't think he cares. I think he is focused on his life... which is good... but I don't think he cares much about me anymore. It hurts. It makes it impossible to talk with him. Knowing how casual and meaningless it all is. When I express these things.. I'm being demanding of him. I'm telling him how to be a friend. I'm expecting too much. Am I? AM I? WAS I? I remember holding each other on his bed... crying... listening to music... and thinking to myself... it's over.. he'll fade. I asked him what it would be like when he didn't know me anymore... when he didn't know who I was anymore. And he said that would never happen. But look..... look. I thought we would always have our strong friendship. When I first moved back. He would write and call and email.. chat. I remember the poetry book he sent me. I remember how we would talk... but we were only friends. And we still had this bond. But it was broken... somewhere alone the line.. it broke. I don't know. I guess he doesn't appeal to me anymore. The way he talks.. the things he does. How he finds enjoyment in certain things. I have changed. And yes... I suppose that is what happened. I changed................ and I lost a good friend. Memories... that is all you need..... just never forget the good times.... mm hmm
Kumar
I have a friend, Kumar. He's a great guy. I adore him. He's going through some difficult things right now. He turned to me for comfort and advice.... and I didn't really know what to say. I did.. but I didn't. I wanted to say so much. I just couldn't. I don't know if when I do say something... it just upsets him.. or if it helps him? I don't know if I actually comfort him... or make things worse. *sighs* I care about him a lot and I just want to be the shoulder he can lean on. Always... I'll support, encourage, and defend. Friends until the end....
Katy
Speaking of friends until the end... Katy. UGH! The odd lil girls who somehow clicked. We had a strange friendship.. although I valued it dearly. I needed her. I still do. I feel as though I've destroyed it. I know I've hurt her. UGH! How can I go back? How can I erase what I've done? Always hiding from her. Never explaining what was really going on. She probably felt like I was never there.. and in all reality.. I wasn't. I wanted to be. I wanted to be there for her... but... I wasn't. *looks down* I still need to write Katy back. I really don't know how to respond. I love her. And I miss her. I just don't know what to say. I'm at a loss for words right now....
Robbie wants to talk on the phone. I don't know what to say.. I'm emotionless at the moment..... blah... thinking too much..... I'm always thinking too much....
Trust me, it's paradise. This is where the hungry come to feed. For mine is a generation that circles the globe in search of something we haven't tried before. So never refuse an invitation. Never resist the unfamiliar. Never fail to be polite. And never outstay your welcome. Just keep your mind open and suck in the experience. And if it hurts, y'know what? It's probably worth it. You hope and you dream, but you never believe that something's going to happen for you. Not like in the movies. And when it does, you expect it to feel different. More vital. More real. I was waiting for it to hit me. I still believe in paradise. And now at least I know it's not some place you can look for, because it's not where you go... it's how you feel for a moment in your life. If you find that moment, it'll last forever......
Robbie
Robbie is out playing darts with a bunch -a- friends. He said he'd be home around 1 in da morning. It's 1 in da morning right now. I am sure he'll be out until 2 or 3... if not later. *sighs* Our lives are so different.
Mark
I talked with Mark for lil bitty tonight. Things were a lil weird, not in a bad way, they were.. just weren't... it wasn't the same. But I suppose that it can't be the same now. I dunno... blah. I just want friendship. *shrugs* I don't even know what he thinks. I don't even know what he feels. I don't know if he feels or thinks like I do. I get tempted to bring it up and ask, but I stop myself. Imna just let it go.... let it kinda fade. *thumbs up* SEVEN UP!
mmmmmmmmmmm hmmmmmmmmm
Eric
Eric has been wanting to call me and talk to me. I dunno. I miss him. I do. I don't know who he is anymore. I wish I did. I do. *sighs* To me.... when we talk.... he's someone I don't want to know. He's always cussing. Y'know, he always has... I'm the one who changed. I changed. Well.. yes, but he has too. He's just... I dunno. It's hard to explain. The Eric I knew wouldn't do some of the things that he does now. He wants to talk to me on the phone, and yeah, I'd love to. But then I know what it's like when I get on the phone. He's busy.. prolly going out the door. Talking to me.. sorta. He gets other calls.. or he just talks about one thing. And I don't even know him anymore. I don't know what to say to him. I'm a different person... and I wouldn't advise him like I would have before. *shrugs* I don't know what to think. He's not really around. We just come -n- go. And when he is around.... we have to fill each other in. I just hear about the same things... yet he knows nothing about my life. And if I tell him.. I feel empty. Like it was nothing. So I choose to keep to myself. I dunno. I miss the guy I used to know. I loved that guy. He was such a great friend. *sighs*
Ryan
Ryan. *sighs* Y'know it took me forever to get over Ryan. I don't know what happened between us. We don't talk anymore. I miss him. I miss the guy I used to know. That's just it... I've changed so much. Yes, I do think he has a lil bit. UGH! I s'pose that is normal, eh? Yeah. It's to be expected... just not desired. I remember the guy who rescued me. I remember the guy that I would talk to for hours on the phone. I remember the guy who loved to crack on me for being a tard when watching "Cast Away". *giggles -n- blushes* I remember the guy who brought over "Willow" when I was sick and watched it with me. I remember the guy who was my best friend. I remember the guy who watched me walk out from the darkness.. shaking... nervous.. wanting to know what was on his mind. He just looked at me and put his hand on my cheek and kissed me. And I knew. I remember the guy who drove me to the airport.. holding my hand.. supporting me... helping me...saying goodbye... I remember his face... his eyes... as I said goodbye. Does he remember our memories? Because I can't forget them. I'm not holding on to them. But he was such a big part of my life. And I don't understand what happened between us. When I talk to him.. I don't feel close to him. Sometimes I want to shout.. it's me! It's Desiree! Don't you remember me?! I'm not some la ti da whoever. I'm the girl that..... ugh. Honestly, I don't think he cares. I think he is focused on his life... which is good... but I don't think he cares much about me anymore. It hurts. It makes it impossible to talk with him. Knowing how casual and meaningless it all is. When I express these things.. I'm being demanding of him. I'm telling him how to be a friend. I'm expecting too much. Am I? AM I? WAS I? I remember holding each other on his bed... crying... listening to music... and thinking to myself... it's over.. he'll fade. I asked him what it would be like when he didn't know me anymore... when he didn't know who I was anymore. And he said that would never happen. But look..... look. I thought we would always have our strong friendship. When I first moved back. He would write and call and email.. chat. I remember the poetry book he sent me. I remember how we would talk... but we were only friends. And we still had this bond. But it was broken... somewhere alone the line.. it broke. I don't know. I guess he doesn't appeal to me anymore. The way he talks.. the things he does. How he finds enjoyment in certain things. I have changed. And yes... I suppose that is what happened. I changed................ and I lost a good friend. Memories... that is all you need..... just never forget the good times.... mm hmm
Kumar
I have a friend, Kumar. He's a great guy. I adore him. He's going through some difficult things right now. He turned to me for comfort and advice.... and I didn't really know what to say. I did.. but I didn't. I wanted to say so much. I just couldn't. I don't know if when I do say something... it just upsets him.. or if it helps him? I don't know if I actually comfort him... or make things worse. *sighs* I care about him a lot and I just want to be the shoulder he can lean on. Always... I'll support, encourage, and defend. Friends until the end....
Katy
Speaking of friends until the end... Katy. UGH! The odd lil girls who somehow clicked. We had a strange friendship.. although I valued it dearly. I needed her. I still do. I feel as though I've destroyed it. I know I've hurt her. UGH! How can I go back? How can I erase what I've done? Always hiding from her. Never explaining what was really going on. She probably felt like I was never there.. and in all reality.. I wasn't. I wanted to be. I wanted to be there for her... but... I wasn't. *looks down* I still need to write Katy back. I really don't know how to respond. I love her. And I miss her. I just don't know what to say. I'm at a loss for words right now....
Robbie wants to talk on the phone. I don't know what to say.. I'm emotionless at the moment..... blah... thinking too much..... I'm always thinking too much....
Trust me, it's paradise. This is where the hungry come to feed. For mine is a generation that circles the globe in search of something we haven't tried before. So never refuse an invitation. Never resist the unfamiliar. Never fail to be polite. And never outstay your welcome. Just keep your mind open and suck in the experience. And if it hurts, y'know what? It's probably worth it. You hope and you dream, but you never believe that something's going to happen for you. Not like in the movies. And when it does, you expect it to feel different. More vital. More real. I was waiting for it to hit me. I still believe in paradise. And now at least I know it's not some place you can look for, because it's not where you go... it's how you feel for a moment in your life. If you find that moment, it'll last forever......