·º•º· fighting starlight ·º•º·
sometimes the last thing you want comes in first... sometimes the first thing you want never comes...but I know that waiting is all you can do...sometimes
Tonight I went with my lil sister to a high school play. At first I was in a state of inquietude. I didn't see anyone that I used to go to school with, which was surprisingly a disappointment.
Walking in that building.. that smell.. I could close my eyes and I was 14 again. I remember it all so clearly.. it feels like it was yesterday. Writing notes in the spare moments of class.. casually slipping them in friends' lockers. Rushing from the third floor to my locker on the first floor and back to the second floor within the allotted four minutes. Pretending that I didn't notice my crush walking by as I clumsily gathered up my books. Going to Mr. Case's homeroom with Katy.. and just aggravating the man to no end.. we would play "sabotage" and run around shooting each other with our hands mimicking guns while the Beastie Boy song would play in my head. *giggles* Hiding in the girls' bathroom during lunch because we didn't wanna go outside into the glacial cold. Good memories.. mm hmm
Katrina -n- I were front -n- center.. woot woot. The play was called "Arsenic and Old Lace". It was extremely comical. *smiles* Basically it's about a psychotic family of murders with bizarre twists of comedy. I adored it. I also liked the way the cast brought their characters to life.
Then Kat -n- I went to McDonald's for about two hours.. yes.. you read that right.. TWO HOURS! sheesh.. but it was fun.. it was an amusing night.
when you walk you take.. your time your time.. take the tiniest steps.. when I'm at your side.. if you feel you're left behind.. I'll slow down to your pace and we'll be like a tree and we'll grow on
Robbie
I haven't talked to Robbie since Wednesday. I know Wednesday wasn't that long ago, but we used to talk daily, and it seems like such a long time. I'm too stubborn to call him, but I will admit that I'm a lil worried about him. It's not like him to not have any contact with me whatsoever. *lil sideways face* The space is needed right now, but I just like to know that he is alright.
"A true friend stabs you in the front" ~ Oscar Wilde
I've been revealing the "real" me to more -n- more of my friends. It's a humbling experience. My actions neglected their feelings and for that.. I am deeply sorry. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I believe in honesty and trust. It's amazing the reactions that I've been given. People are so understanding and forgiving, although I'm sure they didn't appreciate or respect the fact that I either hid the truth from them, or flat out lied. I couldn't stand living a lie any longer. I couldn't handle knowing that these people had no clue who I am or what I'm going through. I felt so fake.. so unreal. *sighs* I've deceived so many people, and I've learned my lesson throughout it all. Honesty is an important factor in all relationships, and I didn't respect my relationships. I will never do this again, I cannot. I know what it is like to put on my "Desiree disguise".... and that just doesn't fit like it once did. I've left my unreality and am slowly finding my way to reality. It's a rude awakening, but I desperately needed these golden slaps in the face that sting with bliss... and that bliss brings beautification like no other.
Remember, life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away
RANDOM THOUGHT: a cardboard box in the other room reads "Hanky Baby" ...... rather odd, huh?
¤rAi¤
Tonight I went with my lil sister to a high school play. At first I was in a state of inquietude. I didn't see anyone that I used to go to school with, which was surprisingly a disappointment.
Walking in that building.. that smell.. I could close my eyes and I was 14 again. I remember it all so clearly.. it feels like it was yesterday. Writing notes in the spare moments of class.. casually slipping them in friends' lockers. Rushing from the third floor to my locker on the first floor and back to the second floor within the allotted four minutes. Pretending that I didn't notice my crush walking by as I clumsily gathered up my books. Going to Mr. Case's homeroom with Katy.. and just aggravating the man to no end.. we would play "sabotage" and run around shooting each other with our hands mimicking guns while the Beastie Boy song would play in my head. *giggles* Hiding in the girls' bathroom during lunch because we didn't wanna go outside into the glacial cold. Good memories.. mm hmm
Katrina -n- I were front -n- center.. woot woot. The play was called "Arsenic and Old Lace". It was extremely comical. *smiles* Basically it's about a psychotic family of murders with bizarre twists of comedy. I adored it. I also liked the way the cast brought their characters to life.
Then Kat -n- I went to McDonald's for about two hours.. yes.. you read that right.. TWO HOURS! sheesh.. but it was fun.. it was an amusing night.
when you walk you take.. your time your time.. take the tiniest steps.. when I'm at your side.. if you feel you're left behind.. I'll slow down to your pace and we'll be like a tree and we'll grow on
Robbie
I haven't talked to Robbie since Wednesday. I know Wednesday wasn't that long ago, but we used to talk daily, and it seems like such a long time. I'm too stubborn to call him, but I will admit that I'm a lil worried about him. It's not like him to not have any contact with me whatsoever. *lil sideways face* The space is needed right now, but I just like to know that he is alright.
"A true friend stabs you in the front" ~ Oscar Wilde
I've been revealing the "real" me to more -n- more of my friends. It's a humbling experience. My actions neglected their feelings and for that.. I am deeply sorry. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I believe in honesty and trust. It's amazing the reactions that I've been given. People are so understanding and forgiving, although I'm sure they didn't appreciate or respect the fact that I either hid the truth from them, or flat out lied. I couldn't stand living a lie any longer. I couldn't handle knowing that these people had no clue who I am or what I'm going through. I felt so fake.. so unreal. *sighs* I've deceived so many people, and I've learned my lesson throughout it all. Honesty is an important factor in all relationships, and I didn't respect my relationships. I will never do this again, I cannot. I know what it is like to put on my "Desiree disguise".... and that just doesn't fit like it once did. I've left my unreality and am slowly finding my way to reality. It's a rude awakening, but I desperately needed these golden slaps in the face that sting with bliss... and that bliss brings beautification like no other.
Remember, life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away
RANDOM THOUGHT: a cardboard box in the other room reads "Hanky Baby" ...... rather odd, huh?
¤rAi¤