[permanon]

[lyrica]

permanon post
Is there something you need to get off your chest? Spill your heart out here, anon. Have a problem with me? Shoot at me! I'll listen to anything you have to say with an open mind. IP logging is off, of course. ♥

Comments

[anonymous]

Sometimes I feel like disappearing.

[lyrica]

why is that, anon? :(

[anonymous]

I feel like I contribute nothing to anyone and that no one would actually miss me if I was gone or if they did, they'd easily get over it.

[lyrica]

i can tell you with certainty that that isn't true. i would miss you, and i'm willing to bet that many others would too. it's often hard for us to realize the way we affect people, or the role we play in someone else's life; in fact, most of the time we never know. so even when we believe that no one would miss us if we left, that's simply not true. there will always be someone wondering "where did ______ go? D:" you're no exception, anon; you're special to someone out there, if not several people (i'm willing to bet on the latter).

i can't quite tell who you are, anon, so it's hard for me to elaborate, but i repeat: i would miss you if you left. ;_; i know it's a meager sentiment for someone who feels that way (i've been there, done that, continue to do that at times), but i'm thinking of you.

[anonymous]

But I'm not too swell of a friend, in general, and I'm one of the moodiest people. I try to be happy or at least put up this front, but it's hard. I should be happy right now. I really, really should. I know this.

Yet I'm not. I'm an anxious mess despite all the positive things going for me right now. I'm 100% convinced I am going to fail at all the things coming up and things that I've committed to.

That and I'm going to disappoint people. I'm already feeling like I am. Knowing I am.

Part of me wants to fit in so bad, but I know that I cannot. No matter how many people are around me, I feel like it's just a fleeting fancy, no matter how deeply I care about the other person or how long I've even known them.

[lyrica]

anon, with the things you're telling me, i want to ask if you're seeing someone about any of this? because while i hate to chalk up the situation to 'lol just get a therapist,' anxiety like yours is extremely hard to live with and manage on one's own. i know that seeing a professional is infeasible for a lot of people, what with the ridiculous costs of health care and the lack of insurance and such, but i strongly advise that you seek someone to talk to about this, as they can help much more than i.

i say this because i truly don't believe that you're the burden that you're making yourself out to be.

i want you to know, however, that fitting in is not as difficult as it may seem - and that's assuming you don't fit in, which i highly doubt. besides, you don't necessarily need to make that effort if you have friends who accept you for who you are; who cares about fitting in when that's taken into account?

but can i ask you why you feel as though you should be happy, anon? i know that feeling quite well, but sometimes it helps to step

[anonymous]

I've seen a number of people in my past. None of them have been any help to me. Now I don't have insurance. On top of that, I've come a long way from where I used to be. I think seeing someone wouldn't help me all too much, mainly as I know what I've got to work at and I have this weird catch about professionals. I know they're here for me, etc, but they're being paid for it and it just is a hang up for me. Quirky, maybe, but that just keeps me from being "helped" by someone

[lyrica]

i know what you mean about the whole WELL THEY'RE GETTING PAID FOR THIS thing, actually - it took me a long time to find someone who was truly invested in me to the point where i no longer cared that they were getting paid or whatever, because that didn't seem to matter to them. with things like this, it really is important to find that right person, otherwise you could end up never really getting the help you (general you) need. but hmm, that certainly is problematic. i wish i could be of further assistance, but alas ;_

[anonymous]

I've tried like... eight different people. Some of them were amazing and I connected to, but I still could not get over the fact that they're getting paid. I think I just have to work on it on my own - and really, it has come a long, long way. I used to loathe myself. I used to cut myself. I used to be horribly suicidal. All of those have gone away. I just have to really work on confidence issues and other things. And I have, bit by bit, but there are a lot of things hitting me all at once that are making me anxious