I wrote this out the other day, while I was on the bus. I wasn't going to post it, as things may have changed a bit, but I decided to anyway
( Read more... )
I know this is a really late reply. But I just wanted you to know you're not alone. I've been married for 20 years and lets just say that the last 5 or more have less that "busy" in the sex department. We've talked, we've gone to counseling, I've talked to doctors, I've tried porn, I've tried herbal suplements. Nothing works. I have little or no sex drive and it doesn't seem like there is anything to be done about it.
I don't do obligatory sex either. And not because I wouldn't if Mark asked it of me, but he doesn't want that from me. He knows if I'm not really into it and he says he'd rather just take care of things himself if I'm not enjoying it. You've gotten alot of great responses here. Some of which I read more for my own problems than for yours. All I will add is that I know our relationship is suffering because of this. Mark is wonderful and tries really hard to not make it matter, but it's no good. It does matter to him and it's not because he's a sex maniac it's because that's how guys are hard wired.
I don't have any good advise to give you, but just knowing that you're not alone might help you.
part of a low sex drive in women is emotional - hubby and i went through the entire gamut of sex related arguements - he has a high drive, i have a low one. if i didnt do the obligatorly sex, he sulked. if i did, i felt like crap and got resentful, which made it worse for the next time. we've always been able to talk about things, except for some reason we/I couldnt talk about intimacy - i was too shy, too embarrassed, too hurt... but it all came out one day and since then, we've discussed it many times. my husband can have sex even if he feels like crap and is almost dying. i cant. we've both have had bouts of being so sick/injured that the other has to wait - up to 6 weeks - before even attempting to do it again... and this last bit with my chemo has been hell in that department. but we got it sorted out and i've found out that hubby likes to grab me at times, not because he wants it, but because he likes the chase. he's also told me that all men will take as much as they can talk you in to (said with a cheeky grin on his face) and that if he sulks because i say no, to not worry about it, its his problem and it doesnt mean he doesnt love me. men talk a totally differnt language thats for sure.
as for the libido... a womans sex drive picks up around 40ish... dramatically. i think alot has to do with kids being gone, housework not being important anymore, less stress, money issues resolved usually by that age etc... and hormones!
I don't do obligatory sex either. And not because I wouldn't if Mark asked it of me, but he doesn't want that from me. He knows if I'm not really into it and he says he'd rather just take care of things himself if I'm not enjoying it. You've gotten alot of great responses here. Some of which I read more for my own problems than for yours. All I will add is that I know our relationship is suffering because of this. Mark is wonderful and tries really hard to not make it matter, but it's no good. It does matter to him and it's not because he's a sex maniac it's because that's how guys are hard wired.
I don't have any good advise to give you, but just knowing that you're not alone might help you.
Reply
as for the libido... a womans sex drive picks up around 40ish... dramatically. i think alot has to do with kids being gone, housework not being important anymore, less stress, money issues resolved usually by that age etc... and hormones!
(and its me boriel :) )
Reply
Leave a comment