I wrote this out the other day, while I was on the bus. I wasn't going to post it, as things may have changed a bit, but I decided to anyway
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I think he really opened the door for your conversation by phrasing the comment the way he did...whether he meant to or not. It almost sounds like a passive-aggressive way of trying to open a dialogue...which many men are guilty of. They want to talk, but they don't want to initiate, so they do snarky stuff that makes you want to scream just so you'll start, then they jump in and feel justified in whatever they say.
I think its important to get it all out in the open...if you feel you're not going to do it without getting emotional, then definitely DO write it down. If you cry he'll either feel guilty or get angry - neither of which is conducive to getting anything established.
Its so weird how men and women differ over sex...men use sex to forget or to pretend with...and women can't pretend. If things are bad, we can't push it away and let the body take over - usually. Men can. And do. We need connection emotionally to enjoy sex, men need the physical connection in order to feel the emotional bond. Rich and I are like that...if its been a while, I can feel us drifting, and the morning after sex we seem much closer. Whether that's real or a perception, I'm not sure. We have difficulty in that area...I never had a libido, ever...yet Rich had enough for 10 people, so I was always doing obligatory sex. Now, he looks at my geekosphere of a 16 year old, my wanting to go to an alt rock festival, and laughs about my being a teenager. And I am - with the accompanying sex drive! Finally! But now, due to various medical things, its not...its not as easy as it used to be for him, lets just say that. So we are reversed, and THAT is just as problematic as the opposite used to be. Sometimes I am sure that sex is a no win situation.
Do talk to your doctor, though...they hear this stuff all the time and they have resources that we don't. I'm thinking of you and know that you will do all you can to resolve this for both you and Shawn. (((((K))))))
I think its important to get it all out in the open...if you feel you're not going to do it without getting emotional, then definitely DO write it down. If you cry he'll either feel guilty or get angry - neither of which is conducive to getting anything established.
Its so weird how men and women differ over sex...men use sex to forget or to pretend with...and women can't pretend. If things are bad, we can't push it away and let the body take over - usually. Men can. And do. We need connection emotionally to enjoy sex, men need the physical connection in order to feel the emotional bond. Rich and I are like that...if its been a while, I can feel us drifting, and the morning after sex we seem much closer. Whether that's real or a perception, I'm not sure. We have difficulty in that area...I never had a libido, ever...yet Rich had enough for 10 people, so I was always doing obligatory sex. Now, he looks at my geekosphere of a 16 year old, my wanting to go to an alt rock festival, and laughs about my being a teenager. And I am - with the accompanying sex drive! Finally! But now, due to various medical things, its not...its not as easy as it used to be for him, lets just say that. So we are reversed, and THAT is just as problematic as the opposite used to be. Sometimes I am sure that sex is a no win situation.
Do talk to your doctor, though...they hear this stuff all the time and they have resources that we don't. I'm thinking of you and know that you will do all you can to resolve this for both you and Shawn. (((((K))))))
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