After a lot of thought
I have come to the conclusion that I may have to take the step myself and just let her go. As mush as it pains me and is nothing that I want to do. But after thinking about what some people have said and givin my options it might just be for the best. I can not live with myself knowing I am causeing her to be unhappy or cause her to have more stress. Although all I ever wanted to do is to spend the rest of my life with her and was willing to give up so much to acchive that dream. To make her happy has always been my goal when it camme to her. This catch 22 that we have been going around has been hurting her. I don't know where or even when we started this point. But it just has to stop someplace.
I wish you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I would love nothing more then to sit down and talk this out. And to some how start over. So that we both can move forward.
I don't think I will find any one like her again in my life. We thought so mush alike and she always made me feel so comfortable around her. I never had an akward moment the whole time we were together. Catie came back into my life when I was feeling really low. She made me believe again and gave me hope. But as with everything in my life, it always comes to a point where I will screw it all up somehow. (I don't want to hear it Lisa) I have this feeling that if I could have controled myself a little better this whole thing would have never started. If its not from my screw up then I would need to hear that from Catie. I do know this for sure. I did not help matters any by not takeing things at face value. Also by not being able to control my emotions better. I guess these are some lessons I will have to learn and take with me. Never to forget what they have just cost me.
I can't take sitting here anymore being sick and not being able to hold food down. The stress alone of waiting has taken way to much out of me. Im tired but yet I can't really sleep. I hurt from the depression that has come over me. I can't stay focesed long enought right now to take care of what I need to. If I don't I will find my self living on the streets again. And Im just too damn old for that kind of life.
Believe me when I say I truly do love her and care for her. I wish her nothing but the best in life. I will miss her for a very long time to come. But to see her stressed out and hurting cause of me is somthing I can't live with. I hope that some day I would get another chance but I don't think that is likely to happen.
I will dream of you often Catie. I will never forget the times we have had together and will cherish them till the day I die. But the saddness I have caused you will haunt me till the end. I will wait until tusday night before I will contact you to find out if we can work things out. Other wise I will turn and walk away never to bother you agian in life.
With all my love
I wish you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I would love nothing more then to sit down and talk this out. And to some how start over. So that we both can move forward.
I don't think I will find any one like her again in my life. We thought so mush alike and she always made me feel so comfortable around her. I never had an akward moment the whole time we were together. Catie came back into my life when I was feeling really low. She made me believe again and gave me hope. But as with everything in my life, it always comes to a point where I will screw it all up somehow. (I don't want to hear it Lisa) I have this feeling that if I could have controled myself a little better this whole thing would have never started. If its not from my screw up then I would need to hear that from Catie. I do know this for sure. I did not help matters any by not takeing things at face value. Also by not being able to control my emotions better. I guess these are some lessons I will have to learn and take with me. Never to forget what they have just cost me.
I can't take sitting here anymore being sick and not being able to hold food down. The stress alone of waiting has taken way to much out of me. Im tired but yet I can't really sleep. I hurt from the depression that has come over me. I can't stay focesed long enought right now to take care of what I need to. If I don't I will find my self living on the streets again. And Im just too damn old for that kind of life.
Believe me when I say I truly do love her and care for her. I wish her nothing but the best in life. I will miss her for a very long time to come. But to see her stressed out and hurting cause of me is somthing I can't live with. I hope that some day I would get another chance but I don't think that is likely to happen.
I will dream of you often Catie. I will never forget the times we have had together and will cherish them till the day I die. But the saddness I have caused you will haunt me till the end. I will wait until tusday night before I will contact you to find out if we can work things out. Other wise I will turn and walk away never to bother you agian in life.
With all my love