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[lyraisobsessed]

What do you do when you have no confidence in your playing ability and despise auditions of any sort? I have to turn in a tape for concert band for chair placements next year and I have to do a LIVE AUDITION for jazz band tuesday or wednesday (tuesday since GSA is wednesday) and I've tried practicing. I've been upstairs practicing with Mom for the

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[lyraisobsessed]

Yeah, I get frustrated really easily and I always say I suck when it comes to auditions but pieces we'vew been playing for awhile and I've got the feelfor I'm nto bad at but any sight reading or scales I just can't do very well. My mom (who played trumpet fifth grade to college and is still really good) is always saying that I'm puttin myself down for nothin but I really don't play all that well especially if you compare me to everyone else. Mostly it's a lack of confidence thing (and that I'm freshman and everyone else has most likely played longer and has had Chang for a longer time and Chang rocks, especially when it comes to brass and even better when it comes to trumpets since that's his speciality and he's been playing it for probably thirty or so years.) As far as knowing when to walk away I definitely know and I try to walk away but the problem is that I get frustrated so easily that walking away happens before anything at all productive happens. I tried practicing today, gave up, wrote this and then went to a very, very late lunch and then hung out at Barnes and Nobles for three or four hours. That was definitely a good stress reducer. The only way I've felt confident before live auditions is to practice. Last year's jazz auditions I spent an hour (and maybe a half) practicing and Chang called for methree or four times but I wasn't ready. This year's all district that I tried out for I practiced half the time I was waiting. I played an hour after we got there and then went to auditions and played on and off for four or five hours until I felt my lips were going to fall off and then there was about fifteen mnutes till my turn and I completely ucked at the auditions and I can't sight read worth anything and they gave me a piece in six eight which I hadn't really practiced for and I definitely didn't make it because although I've got no clue how many chairs there were I don't think that there were many worse people than me.