Rain
I updated my website
but I know many of you don't read it
so I'll just double post
A motorcyclist crashed through a fence into a cow pasture near my house about a week ago. Justin and I happened to be walking passed when fire trucks and police cars were arriving at the scene, attempting to resuscitate and salvage this man's life. As we watched, Life Flight arrived in a field across the road to airlift the man to the hospital. It seemed to take a very long time for the helicopter to depart, but I still had hope that the man would be okay. I said a few words to god asking for his help for this person. Justin looked at me and asked, "Are you praying?" I told him yeah and he just nodded. It seemed like the right thing to do ...because otherwise there would have been nothing I could do.
This morning I was out for my jog/walk. The early morning fog drifted to mist which turned into a light rain. It took me about two miles to finally hit my jogging groove, but I was feeling really energized and into it, thinking how much further I could go. The route I was on is almost five miles, but I felt I could easily have made ten. I was proud, pleased, and Darby (my 2 1/2 year old black lab) was being the perfect jogging companion. It was at this point that I arrived at the crash site, and to my disenchantment, I saw a flowered basket hanging drearily from the fence through which the motorcyclist had plowed.
Like a kid joyfully swinging from the trellis in my childhood home and accidentally landing flat on my back, air painfully knocked from my lungs, I was snapped into an alternate reality. A sadness almost tangible gripped my heart. My spirit and enthusiasm was extinguished. Running was no longer an option. It was everything I could do to walk. The man had died! The falling rain seemed to wash away any semblance of the man, the fragments of a life, the remaining splintered pieces of a soul. So this is the world to me. I kept walking, unable to shake the Despair that held me in its grasp.
I sent Justin a photo message of the event which simply read "Oh no :("
He messaged back ":/ sad they tryd"
I was coaching myself with positivity. Yes, they tried. Good for them. Better that they tried. But still he is GONE! And as I passed the small Mt. Olive Cemetery, my mind wandered to Candace's brother's suicide, and inevitably to Jared's death. I wanted only to lay down there, on the side of the road, in the rain.
So, after walking a bit more, I did the next best thing. I called my sister. By the intonation in her voice, it was apparent I'd roused her from sleep. "No work today?"
"No, it's a Holiday."
"I'm sorry.... I just though we could talk a little."
Uncomfortable Pause
"What's up?"
I delved into the story of how Justin and I saw the accident last week and how I discovered the unfortunate outcome today. She said that he was probably an organ donor and may have helped save someone else's life. She informed me that many motorcyclists are donors.
Not knowing this man personally, I decided to take her supposition as fact. I would believe this man was an organ donor and had saved one, if not more than one, person from ultimate doom. I thought, perhaps, he might have died even before LifeFlight got there, but they arrived to quickly transport much needed organs to waiting patients in hope of a bright future. I pondered these thoughts for a while, feeling slightly better, when my alarm went off.
It's only been about 2 weeks I've trying to jog some mornings - I used to get up at 7:45 or 8 and my phone still goes off at those times everyday. I haven't changed it because it's a helpful way to keep myself on schedule with a new routine. I was still about a mile from home, but my alarm informed me I'd come as far as I had in about 47 minutes or so. It would have been a blazingly quick morning workout for me had my heart not been so fragile. But I am glad for that as well. I've been learning (slowly) lately that my sensitivity is a good thing for me. It's defining. It's how I have practically always been, and rather than resent that part of myself, which is what I've historically done, I'd rather attempt to embrace it.
After re-reading this, I wish I'd written it better. "Been" seems to be my favorite word, and my sentences are childishly simple constructs attempting to relate a point. I apologize. Maybe I'd better go back to English 101.
A link to check out: Terra Spirit Photoblog
God he's got some beautiful work. I want a Canon 5D. It's the closest thing to large format negative work I've evern seen from a digital camera. Thanks to those of you that read it all.
A motorcyclist crashed through a fence into a cow pasture near my house about a week ago. Justin and I happened to be walking passed when fire trucks and police cars were arriving at the scene, attempting to resuscitate and salvage this man's life. As we watched, Life Flight arrived in a field across the road to airlift the man to the hospital. It seemed to take a very long time for the helicopter to depart, but I still had hope that the man would be okay. I said a few words to god asking for his help for this person. Justin looked at me and asked, "Are you praying?" I told him yeah and he just nodded. It seemed like the right thing to do ...because otherwise there would have been nothing I could do.
This morning I was out for my jog/walk. The early morning fog drifted to mist which turned into a light rain. It took me about two miles to finally hit my jogging groove, but I was feeling really energized and into it, thinking how much further I could go. The route I was on is almost five miles, but I felt I could easily have made ten. I was proud, pleased, and Darby (my 2 1/2 year old black lab) was being the perfect jogging companion. It was at this point that I arrived at the crash site, and to my disenchantment, I saw a flowered basket hanging drearily from the fence through which the motorcyclist had plowed.
Like a kid joyfully swinging from the trellis in my childhood home and accidentally landing flat on my back, air painfully knocked from my lungs, I was snapped into an alternate reality. A sadness almost tangible gripped my heart. My spirit and enthusiasm was extinguished. Running was no longer an option. It was everything I could do to walk. The man had died! The falling rain seemed to wash away any semblance of the man, the fragments of a life, the remaining splintered pieces of a soul. So this is the world to me. I kept walking, unable to shake the Despair that held me in its grasp.
I sent Justin a photo message of the event which simply read "Oh no :("
He messaged back ":/ sad they tryd"
I was coaching myself with positivity. Yes, they tried. Good for them. Better that they tried. But still he is GONE! And as I passed the small Mt. Olive Cemetery, my mind wandered to Candace's brother's suicide, and inevitably to Jared's death. I wanted only to lay down there, on the side of the road, in the rain.
So, after walking a bit more, I did the next best thing. I called my sister. By the intonation in her voice, it was apparent I'd roused her from sleep. "No work today?"
"No, it's a Holiday."
"I'm sorry.... I just though we could talk a little."
Uncomfortable Pause
"What's up?"
I delved into the story of how Justin and I saw the accident last week and how I discovered the unfortunate outcome today. She said that he was probably an organ donor and may have helped save someone else's life. She informed me that many motorcyclists are donors.
Not knowing this man personally, I decided to take her supposition as fact. I would believe this man was an organ donor and had saved one, if not more than one, person from ultimate doom. I thought, perhaps, he might have died even before LifeFlight got there, but they arrived to quickly transport much needed organs to waiting patients in hope of a bright future. I pondered these thoughts for a while, feeling slightly better, when my alarm went off.
It's only been about 2 weeks I've trying to jog some mornings - I used to get up at 7:45 or 8 and my phone still goes off at those times everyday. I haven't changed it because it's a helpful way to keep myself on schedule with a new routine. I was still about a mile from home, but my alarm informed me I'd come as far as I had in about 47 minutes or so. It would have been a blazingly quick morning workout for me had my heart not been so fragile. But I am glad for that as well. I've been learning (slowly) lately that my sensitivity is a good thing for me. It's defining. It's how I have practically always been, and rather than resent that part of myself, which is what I've historically done, I'd rather attempt to embrace it.
After re-reading this, I wish I'd written it better. "Been" seems to be my favorite word, and my sentences are childishly simple constructs attempting to relate a point. I apologize. Maybe I'd better go back to English 101.
A link to check out: Terra Spirit Photoblog
God he's got some beautiful work. I want a Canon 5D. It's the closest thing to large format negative work I've evern seen from a digital camera. Thanks to those of you that read it all.