(no subject)
Figured I may as well post my thoughts on the Love Never Dies album.
Prologue: It's... all right. I find it rather amusing that the show opens with a motif from "Journey to the Graveyard." Also--HOLY CRAP WHAT IS THAT ACCENT? Oh, it's Mme. Giry. Honey, please, don't ever do that. I quite like the dreamlike Coney Island Waltz. It's all creepy! The lyrics, on the other hand, are... less than perfect. This will be a recurring theme.
Coney Island Waltz: This started out so well, with the slow motif, some variation, strings, some counterpoint woodwind... Then we have the whole orchestra join in and REPEAT THE WHOLE BLOODY THING AGAIN. AND AGAIN. Seriously, this is not cool.
"That's The Place You Ruined, You Fool!" ...has one of the most hilarious song titles I have heard. Otherwise, this song does not exist. Except for exposition. But I hate the plot, therefore it doesn't exist. Next!
Heaven By The Sea: This song scares me. It's so... annoying and nasal and shrill and Erik would punjab all of these horrendous singers, if they hadn't castrated him for the sequel. Grr. So, basically, there's a new park at Coney Island. It's called "Phantasma," and the guy who runs it, "Mr Y," wears a mask. Gee, I wonder who that could be? I have no clue!
Only For Him/Only For You: Oh my god, this show has phangirls? And they sound... shit. Oh, look at that. Lead phangirl is Meg Giry. That's not OOC at all! She is apparently the lead "Ooh Laa Laa Girl," because the others sound even worse than her. Not to mention that they all have American accents--even little Meg, apparently. Please, make it stop.
The Aerie: This is just an instrumental piece, and it's not that bad. Lush strings, a bit of repetition, it's nice.
Til I Hear You Sing: So... pulsing synthesised bass = Phantom? Ooookay. Right. Ramin seems to be having a bit of trouble doing the angry!Phantom voice, but I'll forgive him because I love this song. It's one of the two from this show that I will gladly allow into the PotO canon. While it establishes Erik as something of a woobie, which is just so wrong I want to punjab something, the melody and Ramin's voice make up for it.
Giry Confronts The Phantom: Meg wants to show more skin? What happened to the girl who wanted to be a prima ballerina? Also, why is Erik putting up with Mme. Giry's shit? Seriously, I don't care if she saved his life, my Erik would not put up with some old French lady raging at him. Oh, look, Andy repeated the Coney Island Waltz melody.
Christine Disembarks: I don't know why, but this music reminds me of that parade music in Junon. So... Christine is apparently as important as Vanterbilts and Rockerfellers? I mean, yeah, she's a Vicomtesse, and a pretty good singer, but I mean, that's all she is, an opera singer. I refuse to believe that most New York citizens know who she is. Also: Raoul is... a dickfaced douchebag, apparently. Who gambles! Also-also: kid.
Arrival Of The Trio/Are You Ready To Begin: Huh. Fletch, Squelch and Gangle. I kinda like Fletch's voice. Also, Raoul should stop talking. I feel so bad for him. Gustave's like, "Yay! Freaks!" Wait until you meet Mr Y, honey. When was the last time you saw a masked man with no balls?
What A Dreadful Town: Um... I'm going to pretend this song doesn't exist, because of the horrible OOC-ness of Raoul's character, and because of these lyrics:
Father dear,
Come play with me.
Come and see
This toy I brought...
I mean, I know he means like, you know, a toy that kids play with (it's probably a music box lol), but after hearing The Beauty Underneath, I'm convinced that this kid gets sexed up like all the time from both daddies. So, well, I'll be taking him home with me so he's safe from the buttsex.
Look With Your Heart: People have been calling this the Disney song, and there's not much to add to that, except the observation that the kid is a better soprano than Christine. That can't be right.
Beneath A Moonless Sky: SEX! ... That's basically what this song is about. Christine's all, Hey, it's that guy who fucked with my head by pretending to be my father then tried to make me marry him and I though he was dead but I guess he isn't, okay then. The Phantom's all, Remember when we HAD SEX? Seriously. This song is more obvious about the sexing than Captain Hammer is with his line, "Yeah, we totally had sex." And, as you can imagine, that takes a lot of work. So, let me get this straight. On the night before her wedding, Christine used her Phantom-sense to find where Erik was hiding, then the HAD SEX (in the dark, so she couldn't see her face, aww, how considerate), the Erik just upped and left her? That... that makes absolutely no sense. None at all.
Once Upon Another Time: So... um... Christine actually secretly loves the Phantom? Look, I'm as huge an E/C shipper as they come, but this show is leaving a bad taste in my mouth. Also, Ramin? Please do something about that American accent. The Phantom is just...NOT supposed to sound American. And, Sierra? Can you tone down on the vibrato? It's making my speakers crackle.
"Mother, Please, I'm Scared!" "Papa was in my room with his pants off!" So... little Gustave had a dream about someone drowning him? Huh. I'm sure that's not gonna happen. At all. Christine's all like, "Hey, meet the scary mask dude that owns this place!" And the Phantom's like, "Huh. Pretty boy. He's a veeeery... pretty boy. Would you like me to show you around the place? I'll do anything you want! Aaaaanything~~~" And Gustave basically says, "Go ahead, rape me." For serious:
Could you show me, if you please,
All the island's mysteries?
All that's strange and wild and dark
In the shadows, in the park?
To which Erik responds with a pervy laugh and the promise that "You shall see it all tomorrow!" And this isn't the worst bit between these two. Not by a long shot.
Dear Old Friend: Apparently Erik, the Opera Ghost, the Phantom of the Opera, who ruled the Opera Populaire and forced the managers to perform his masterpiece by fear and fear alone, is now writing... vaudeville? That is no not cool! And let's not even get started on the "Bathing Beauties" bit. So, Meg and Christine meet up, chat about the old times, except that Meg is ragingly jealous because Erik personally invited Christine over to sing and Meg is, like, SO in love with the Phantom, DUH. Then Raoul and Mme. Giry meet up, and she's all, For serious, you haven't figured out who Mr Y is yet? No wonder you're stinking drunk all the time. I would be too, if I had that many brain cells. Then Raoul suddenly clicks and realises that, yes, their mysterious masked benefactor is indeed the dude that almost killed him and tried to marry his fiancee. Well done, Raoul! I like the counterpoint melodies in this song, but just when I start to relax into the music, it goes back to that "Bathing Beauties" tripe. Gah.
Beautiful: Fletch, Squelch and Gangle (Sora! Donald! Goofy!) come to pick up the kid and take him to the Phantom's lair. Ew. Also, it doesn't help when Fletch says in her child-like voice, "Come and meet the Master." It just... puts the wrong images in my mind, Not that I'm complaining about John Simm being in my mind, but... I'll just stop now. So, Sora, Donald and Goofy escort Gustave to where Erik is working, and the kid plays a melody on a piano, and Erik is all, What's that? To which the kid is like, My own composition, duh. Now seems to be a good time to talk about the unofficial drinking game that has sprung up over the internets: take a shot every time someone says "beauty" or "beautiful." You'll be in a coma before the interval, thanks to Gustave:
I think it's beautiful
Beautiful, beautiful notes.
Beautiful beautiful sounds.
Don't you agree?
It's beautiful
So very beautiful
And so on. I feel that I should add that the melody is, in fact, beautiful. Essentially, the Phantom starts to suspect that the kid is his kid. Get ready for...
The Beauty Underneath: The pervy incestuous pedophilic song! Yay! Basically, the Phantom pulls out an electric guitar and starts to sing to the kid about the beauty underneath. *Chug* Apparently he thinks the kid is his kid because he can play piano and likes creepy things. Erik, honey? Let me explain something to you. One: most aristocratic children learned to play piano. Two: Go out and find me a ten year old who DOESN'T like creepy things. Go on, I'll wait a while. And these lyrics are... not right:
When he lifts his voice and sings
Don't you feel amazing things?
Things you know you can't confess?
Things you thirst for nonetheless?
Not. Right. At the end of the song, the Phantom pulls off his mask, and the kid screams like a good little kid. Now, I'm just going to be gone for a minute. I need to find Gustave and let him live at my place while he recovers from the fact that his Daddy was about to jump him.
The Phantom Confronts Christine: Mme. de Chagny (who still gets referred to as Christine Daae, huh), comes in to tell her kid that he'll be fine, then bundles him out of the room. Some mother you are. The Phantom is all, "WTF WOMAN IS THIS KID MINE OR NOT?" And she's all, "Yes, he is, I have no idea how I know this because presumably Raoul and I had sex the night after I slept with you, what with it being my honeymoon and all, but yeah, I'm sure he's your kid, whatever." Aaaaand then Mme. Giry overhears and basically is all, "THAT BASTARD CHILD IS GOING TO GET ALL OF ERIKS MONEYS NOOO THOSE WERE MINE HE CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO DO SOOOO!!!!!"
Curtain!
Gyah. That hurt my brain.
Prologue: It's... all right. I find it rather amusing that the show opens with a motif from "Journey to the Graveyard." Also--HOLY CRAP WHAT IS THAT ACCENT? Oh, it's Mme. Giry. Honey, please, don't ever do that. I quite like the dreamlike Coney Island Waltz. It's all creepy! The lyrics, on the other hand, are... less than perfect. This will be a recurring theme.
Coney Island Waltz: This started out so well, with the slow motif, some variation, strings, some counterpoint woodwind... Then we have the whole orchestra join in and REPEAT THE WHOLE BLOODY THING AGAIN. AND AGAIN. Seriously, this is not cool.
"That's The Place You Ruined, You Fool!" ...has one of the most hilarious song titles I have heard. Otherwise, this song does not exist. Except for exposition. But I hate the plot, therefore it doesn't exist. Next!
Heaven By The Sea: This song scares me. It's so... annoying and nasal and shrill and Erik would punjab all of these horrendous singers, if they hadn't castrated him for the sequel. Grr. So, basically, there's a new park at Coney Island. It's called "Phantasma," and the guy who runs it, "Mr Y," wears a mask. Gee, I wonder who that could be? I have no clue!
Only For Him/Only For You: Oh my god, this show has phangirls? And they sound... shit. Oh, look at that. Lead phangirl is Meg Giry. That's not OOC at all! She is apparently the lead "Ooh Laa Laa Girl," because the others sound even worse than her. Not to mention that they all have American accents--even little Meg, apparently. Please, make it stop.
The Aerie: This is just an instrumental piece, and it's not that bad. Lush strings, a bit of repetition, it's nice.
Til I Hear You Sing: So... pulsing synthesised bass = Phantom? Ooookay. Right. Ramin seems to be having a bit of trouble doing the angry!Phantom voice, but I'll forgive him because I love this song. It's one of the two from this show that I will gladly allow into the PotO canon. While it establishes Erik as something of a woobie, which is just so wrong I want to punjab something, the melody and Ramin's voice make up for it.
Giry Confronts The Phantom: Meg wants to show more skin? What happened to the girl who wanted to be a prima ballerina? Also, why is Erik putting up with Mme. Giry's shit? Seriously, I don't care if she saved his life, my Erik would not put up with some old French lady raging at him. Oh, look, Andy repeated the Coney Island Waltz melody.
Christine Disembarks: I don't know why, but this music reminds me of that parade music in Junon. So... Christine is apparently as important as Vanterbilts and Rockerfellers? I mean, yeah, she's a Vicomtesse, and a pretty good singer, but I mean, that's all she is, an opera singer. I refuse to believe that most New York citizens know who she is. Also: Raoul is... a dickfaced douchebag, apparently. Who gambles! Also-also: kid.
Arrival Of The Trio/Are You Ready To Begin: Huh. Fletch, Squelch and Gangle. I kinda like Fletch's voice. Also, Raoul should stop talking. I feel so bad for him. Gustave's like, "Yay! Freaks!" Wait until you meet Mr Y, honey. When was the last time you saw a masked man with no balls?
What A Dreadful Town: Um... I'm going to pretend this song doesn't exist, because of the horrible OOC-ness of Raoul's character, and because of these lyrics:
Father dear,
Come play with me.
Come and see
This toy I brought...
I mean, I know he means like, you know, a toy that kids play with (it's probably a music box lol), but after hearing The Beauty Underneath, I'm convinced that this kid gets sexed up like all the time from both daddies. So, well, I'll be taking him home with me so he's safe from the buttsex.
Look With Your Heart: People have been calling this the Disney song, and there's not much to add to that, except the observation that the kid is a better soprano than Christine. That can't be right.
Beneath A Moonless Sky: SEX! ... That's basically what this song is about. Christine's all, Hey, it's that guy who fucked with my head by pretending to be my father then tried to make me marry him and I though he was dead but I guess he isn't, okay then. The Phantom's all, Remember when we HAD SEX? Seriously. This song is more obvious about the sexing than Captain Hammer is with his line, "Yeah, we totally had sex." And, as you can imagine, that takes a lot of work. So, let me get this straight. On the night before her wedding, Christine used her Phantom-sense to find where Erik was hiding, then the HAD SEX (in the dark, so she couldn't see her face, aww, how considerate), the Erik just upped and left her? That... that makes absolutely no sense. None at all.
Once Upon Another Time: So... um... Christine actually secretly loves the Phantom? Look, I'm as huge an E/C shipper as they come, but this show is leaving a bad taste in my mouth. Also, Ramin? Please do something about that American accent. The Phantom is just...NOT supposed to sound American. And, Sierra? Can you tone down on the vibrato? It's making my speakers crackle.
"Mother, Please, I'm Scared!" "Papa was in my room with his pants off!" So... little Gustave had a dream about someone drowning him? Huh. I'm sure that's not gonna happen. At all. Christine's all like, "Hey, meet the scary mask dude that owns this place!" And the Phantom's like, "Huh. Pretty boy. He's a veeeery... pretty boy. Would you like me to show you around the place? I'll do anything you want! Aaaaanything~~~" And Gustave basically says, "Go ahead, rape me." For serious:
Could you show me, if you please,
All the island's mysteries?
All that's strange and wild and dark
In the shadows, in the park?
To which Erik responds with a pervy laugh and the promise that "You shall see it all tomorrow!" And this isn't the worst bit between these two. Not by a long shot.
Dear Old Friend: Apparently Erik, the Opera Ghost, the Phantom of the Opera, who ruled the Opera Populaire and forced the managers to perform his masterpiece by fear and fear alone, is now writing... vaudeville? That is no not cool! And let's not even get started on the "Bathing Beauties" bit. So, Meg and Christine meet up, chat about the old times, except that Meg is ragingly jealous because Erik personally invited Christine over to sing and Meg is, like, SO in love with the Phantom, DUH. Then Raoul and Mme. Giry meet up, and she's all, For serious, you haven't figured out who Mr Y is yet? No wonder you're stinking drunk all the time. I would be too, if I had that many brain cells. Then Raoul suddenly clicks and realises that, yes, their mysterious masked benefactor is indeed the dude that almost killed him and tried to marry his fiancee. Well done, Raoul! I like the counterpoint melodies in this song, but just when I start to relax into the music, it goes back to that "Bathing Beauties" tripe. Gah.
Beautiful: Fletch, Squelch and Gangle (Sora! Donald! Goofy!) come to pick up the kid and take him to the Phantom's lair. Ew. Also, it doesn't help when Fletch says in her child-like voice, "Come and meet the Master." It just... puts the wrong images in my mind, Not that I'm complaining about John Simm being in my mind, but... I'll just stop now. So, Sora, Donald and Goofy escort Gustave to where Erik is working, and the kid plays a melody on a piano, and Erik is all, What's that? To which the kid is like, My own composition, duh. Now seems to be a good time to talk about the unofficial drinking game that has sprung up over the internets: take a shot every time someone says "beauty" or "beautiful." You'll be in a coma before the interval, thanks to Gustave:
I think it's beautiful
Beautiful, beautiful notes.
Beautiful beautiful sounds.
Don't you agree?
It's beautiful
So very beautiful
And so on. I feel that I should add that the melody is, in fact, beautiful. Essentially, the Phantom starts to suspect that the kid is his kid. Get ready for...
The Beauty Underneath: The pervy incestuous pedophilic song! Yay! Basically, the Phantom pulls out an electric guitar and starts to sing to the kid about the beauty underneath. *Chug* Apparently he thinks the kid is his kid because he can play piano and likes creepy things. Erik, honey? Let me explain something to you. One: most aristocratic children learned to play piano. Two: Go out and find me a ten year old who DOESN'T like creepy things. Go on, I'll wait a while. And these lyrics are... not right:
When he lifts his voice and sings
Don't you feel amazing things?
Things you know you can't confess?
Things you thirst for nonetheless?
Not. Right. At the end of the song, the Phantom pulls off his mask, and the kid screams like a good little kid. Now, I'm just going to be gone for a minute. I need to find Gustave and let him live at my place while he recovers from the fact that his Daddy was about to jump him.
The Phantom Confronts Christine: Mme. de Chagny (who still gets referred to as Christine Daae, huh), comes in to tell her kid that he'll be fine, then bundles him out of the room. Some mother you are. The Phantom is all, "WTF WOMAN IS THIS KID MINE OR NOT?" And she's all, "Yes, he is, I have no idea how I know this because presumably Raoul and I had sex the night after I slept with you, what with it being my honeymoon and all, but yeah, I'm sure he's your kid, whatever." Aaaaand then Mme. Giry overhears and basically is all, "THAT BASTARD CHILD IS GOING TO GET ALL OF ERIKS MONEYS NOOO THOSE WERE MINE HE CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO DO SOOOO!!!!!"
Curtain!
Gyah. That hurt my brain.